Merry 2014

So much happened on Christmas this year. It was full of new and different. What I loved most is photo number one. We are at GG's house with this crazy group. They are OUR crazy and are loved beyond measure. Binks, Uncle Jake, Auntie Rissa, GG TaTa, Daddy and our five littles: Thank you for being my magic. Same time. Same place. 2015.

German Christms

It was your first big concert. Your class sang a German Christmas song and rang bells with all of your might. You were so loud and proud. The Church's and Papa Kristi came to give their support. The teachers from PreK-8th grade gift a lovely Christmas concert every year. Another night of faith, love, friendship and family.

St Nick Day

I adore that Kade's school has a holiday tradition. Today is St. Nick Day! All students place their shoes in the hallway. The teachers explain St. Nick. Shhhh.... 'He' is out there delivering tangerines, gold coins and a peppermint stick in each child's shoe. I appreciate being a part of this surprise. Kaden is going to be over joyed with this gift. St. Nick gave an extra delivery for Ashton in Kaden's other shoe. 

Festival of December 2014

'Festival of December' is now in full swing. Our first night is at the Zoo Lights. This is the first year you boys remember the year before: a tradition has been created! As it is our 7th year spending time with TaTa doing one Christmas activity a week and one activity with only the four of us. We named our time 'Festival of December'. I cherish each event every year...

Daddy injured his knee. We rented a wheelchair for the zoo. It took all of my strength to get him up the hill as we left. That is a big hill! I was huffing and puffing. It was very chilly outside, which did not help matters of the hand much! 

Happy Vegetarians

After checking out at the market I say with a smile, "Happy Thanksgiving!" The checker replies, "What happened to Happy Holidays?" Quickly I turn around and look at him. He is not being playful. I shake my finger in his direction with a twisted face of understanding. "Ya know, now that you mention it I have been wondering what happened to Merry Christmas. So, while on the subject may yours be merry." Gal behind me laughed. He stood irritated. I push my cart onward. Ash hollers back, "Happy Vegetarians Day!" (veterans). We need a reality show.

Pilgrims

You are my favorite pilgrim, buddy. Thank you for inviting me to lunch for your tofurky dinner!

Sharky

I present to you Sharky. It is Wacky Wednesday: tin foil and duct tape day. Papa Ed took on the challenge of a creation. He did FANTASTIC! It continues to make me giggle.

soup-ials

MOM! Did you know Chihuahuas climb trees and are animals? 
Baby bear are you speaking of the koala on your hat?
Yea! 
Chihuahua is a dog. Koala is a marsupial.
Oh! That makes sense. I like soup also.

Note to Mom

While I was a carefree young adult I imagined friendships so deep we'd cancel a days plan to help, prepare meals in time of need, babysit one another's children, surprise the other with a 'date' to catch up or share a kindness, bring over groceries because of reasons they cannot shop, sit in silence because this is what the other needs.... 

At this stage in my life with lives experiencing tragedy, hectic schedules, growing families, distance and etc I have over my fair share of these friendships. A few are men while the others are women. I have known several over half of my life while the rest have grown more recently. To have this extension of love is a gift I am honored to know. I would have counted myself lucky to have one such friend. How did all of this love find me? I am humbled.

Even at 36 years of age we still find our gratitude. 

The Last of the Last

The very last professional preschool photo. In one single blink. Here we go. 

Fab 5

These kids are our own little heros.... Many a day they have been saved by these faces. 

The Fab 5.

Mexico

Ashton you were student of the week! Here is your "about me" published in the class newsletter. I imagine teacher Jill was entertained during your interview. Papa Kristi promises you will have gas money.

Soapy Handles

Last night:

I learned bath time was almost an adventure to the ER.

Daddy learns to be careful not to snag the body.

Four year old learns not to insert objects into bum.

 

Yep, this bucket handle was inserted high enough that there was concern it would hook innards. Hysteria from the four year old and anxiety from the daddy. I speculate soapy water allows gliding what dryness immediately warns against…

 

 

The salt shaker is for size reference.

Team Soccer

A year ago we had our first practice. We as being: Kade the player and I as the coach. I had zero expectations for this group of six. I spent long hours coming up with drills and interesting ways to learn the game with out actually focusing on the game itself. It was skill building vs game playing. After all, we were a team of 3-6 year olds.  I was thrilled we kept our hands down and ran the ball towards our box. Snack was a motivating factor as was playing “Captain”.  I am never above bribing.  

One year later, we have entered a third season with two players. Kade is playing up a level and Ashton is still rolling around in the box. I am on the sidelines. Through the seasons I have learned absolutely safety is first, but fair is not fair. All of those warm fuzzies we practice at home and school are forgotten once those cleats hit the feet. I have a competitive edge that at the age of 36 I  am only now only becoming acquainted. I kinda fear her.

Soccer fields are where the best-laid plans to shield children from loss, thieves and kicks to the shin are transformed into a fleeting hope that nobody gets hurt (safety first), but someone has to win (right?).

Every Saturday from September through the middle of November we practice a new set of rules. Soccer rules.

1. Sharing is not caring.

If you pass the ball to your opponent, they will not pass it back. They will deliberately take the ball from you with or without your invitation. They may score. Gasp!

At this level you barely share the ball as it is. This being stated, NEVER-EVER share the ball with the other team. Keep it away just as you would from your brother.

2. Want it. 

Want that ball. Kick and yell fighting for the ball just as you do towards me when I tell you that you may not have a donut. Now is the time for that assault. Give it to ‘em.

3. We are not all winners.

You are not playing Grandma Church. The other team will not just let you win.  There will be games when a goal is made on your defense. This goal may win the game for the OTHER team. It happens. You lost. The sad reality is you are a loser on the field, but to me you are always a winner. There is a time and place for the fuzzies and as a reminder it is not on the field. Do not cry. Cry to Mama in the car, but brave face it those (short) 50 minutes on the field.

4. You may suck.

You have been told you are the best, and you are, but to me. Truth be told, the best player on your team isn't even the best player. Ideally, you should play at 110 percent, which is known only in sports math.

5. No hands in soccer.

Don't pick up the ball. No hands. Drop the ball. Do we use hands in soccer?

6. I can't always help you.

I may scream, yell over the heads of other parents and run the lines, but I cannot play for you. It kills me. Secretly, I want to. Like really, really bad want to. You must learn to play without me.

I will always be proud. I will forever be supportive. I will always console you or celebrate with you. And to me, youwill always be the best. But you must set and score your goals.

Boys, have fun like only you know how.
 

“Some wait their entire life to meet their favorite player. I am raising mine.”

 

2027

Dear Self,

Today, I let the oldest go. I Breathed deep and hugged him tightly. I looked at him and we smiled sharing in the pride. He is ready! He is bright, inspiring and creative. He hypothesizes and problem solves better than most. His moral compass directs him well. The world is waiting. Let him go, lady! Trust in all of these years your love and guidance has readied him (and you). It is okay to cry. He has seen this display of love and joy a gagillion-bazillion times. He knows this is bittersweet for you (and probably him).

Mama, you have been in this place before. Much like a tsunami memories and moments flood across both your mind and heart. You feel the lump in your throat grow. Oh, the tears! So much has happened, but it all starts to feel like yesterday. Do you recall September 2011? Do you remember? St. Stephen’s Preschool. It was the beginning of his three’s class. At not quite 36 months old he walked away ready and you left strong. It was a hard leave (you held back the tears for a private cry in the car), but an important one.

 

Skip over a couple of years. Does your memory find you at the doors of an elementary school? You looked at that big white school and steel doors thinking your son would get lost among the other 120 kindergarteners, not to mention the other students. Once again, you trusted. At the small age of 5 you believed in him. You knew he had the emotional and physical skill set to enter the long awaited first day of school: Kindergarten.

Kindergarten what a vibrant time of watching him polvolt into a big boy world: He was beginning to read (writing and sounds). I’d find him wrapped up in a word search rather than outside. He tied his shoes. The manners of this nearly six year old surpassed most adults. A sense of independence grew. He was worried about his hygiene and the bugs that might grow on his teeth if not brushed the entire two minutes. His clothing choice was bright and cheerful much like his personality. What a welcoming and friendly guy. If needed, he’d step up to make someone of any age a friend. What a heart of care and concern. A pleaser. He absorbs and recalls information you long forgot. A young boy whom on his own will apologize when he “misunderheards” (ie misunderstands) something said directly to him. Although you want him to pronounce things properly this one is given an allowance of correction a bit longer…

He is always yearning for more. Adam and I made the choice to apply for an out of district Spanish Immersion kindergarten program, which was newer and full day (8:00-2:20).

Kaden was so excited to learn he was accepted out of district and then drawn to enter the program. Do you remember when Ashton asked if Dora the Explorer would be Kade’s new teacher? Those young brains always working hard! It turned out that Dora would not be his teacher, but a lovely first year teacher would be.

 

Together, as a family of four, we entered Kindergarten. The class bright and cheery. The tone was serious as rules were firm. There were numerous small faces wearing only terror. I looked at our Mister Man sitting at his table writing his name. As he sat there he was chatting to a little girl who was uneasy about being without her Mommy. He assured her it was going to be fun. After all, they would be learning Spanish. He sat in his just the right size chair focused on his work as other students cried and pleaded not to stay. He was ready to walk into Kindergarten. He was kind of running...

 

"I love you, Mom" A hand touches my heart. "I know you will miss me. You will be back at 7:30." This is stated to give me bravery, but this Mama knows it is quietly reassuring him of my return. I explain I will be in the car line at 2:20 expecting a full report including two new Spanish words. He gave us all a squeeze that included an I love your guts. He turned back to his work. I stood there. It was time to let go.

 

You know how swift these moments pass. Gosh, it is our first day of Kindergarten with you both being scared and thrilled. As always, you were an active participant in the day. It is evident your participation will slowly take a new form.

 

The panic set in…

Will he make friends? Will he be bullied? Will he choose wisely? Will he eat enough? Will he be on time? Will he work hard? Will he lead? Will he challenge himself? Will he…. Will he… Will he…

The panic shifted from “Will he” to “Will They”: “They” being the school as a whole. Will They challenge him? Will They appreciate his kind and a nurturing nature? Will They be aware if he takes time to eat? Will They be firm, yet guiding? Will They allow independence of expression and ideas? Will They smile back? Will They make sure he has a coat? Will they remember his left handed scissors? Will they remember he NEVER-EVER rides a bus? Will They? Will They? Will They?  

 

Calm yourself. Breathe in-and-out. These are the same questions you asked 13 years ago. A mother never stops asking these questions of her child or the world, but it is time to stop asking him. He has always been a high-quality kid. He will be a first-class man. Trust him. Let him go.

I am proud of you, Nicole. You got here. You made it. You have a graduating son of the class of 2027. It is now time to sit in the stands and cheer. A familiar feeling will again flood you both: scared and thrilled. He may not need your constant involvment, but he will need your support. You are his and he knows it. You loved his guts first.

Delight in the here and now. Do not look back, or plan for what is ahead. This is a challenge, I know. Grab Adam’s hand, squeeze it tight and thank him for this gift whom is walking towards his very own.

This is yet another hard leave, but it is the most important one. Remember Mama, Kaden has always walked ready…

Love,

Me

Jazz Hands

Look what I learned today, Mama. Jazz hands! 
All of this and more for $125 a week!

Hello and Goodbye

Here we go.... Last first day of preschool for this family.

Trillium Adventure

We loaded up alll of our water gear, picnic treats and headed up the mountain. In family fashion the destination was a surprise. You had no idea where we were going and I could not wait much longer. This camp ground is special to me. It is where Grammy Bear and Toy Papa brought me as a little girl. I also have learned that my Nanny loved this lake and also camped here. It holds many dear memories and I am glad to begin with us, now.

It was a hot day. The water was of a perfect temperature. We set tubes out to float on that we tied up to the fishing dock. It gave you freedom and us relief. We tried capturing salamanders. We did not catch one. On our way home it was Huckleberry Inn time. This is my most favorite treat: Huckleberry Milkshakes. Nom, nom, nom.

You two are happy with any adventure. When it involves the water I reach super Mom status.

Meanie Heads

As you read the following both of you understand this really happened. It was in poor taste and I would be appalled if I learned this was either of your behaviors. Also, consistently complaining about work? Take time out and see if it is time for a change. Here it is burgers and beers. I am in and out. If I am not having fun why not be home with my dudes? As you know, I always have something to say. This event did not prove less. 

Dear young married customers, 

Swearing at me or to me after I politely greet you is very rude. Tossing a table upside down in a tantrum will not prove any point other than your maturity. I cannot help the wait is 45 minutes for seating as it depends on how long people stay, which is out of my control. I am sad that by your smile and laughter you find this quality admirable in your significant other. Shame on you both!
Thank you for never returning. You are a meanie-head. 

--Me

Honey Babe

Kaden, Ashton and I sat down for lunch.

Ash looks towards me and asks, "What does Honey mean?"

Kaden abruptly answers, "Honey is what you call your wife. Babe is what you call your husband. Don't worry Ash (his hand up palm out) it is absolutely confusing when you are little. You will understand when you are big. K?"

Ash looks at me and nods in agreement.

Boobies

It is early. Very-very early. I am in my tank top and jammie pants. My hair is all over the place. I was dragging from exhaustion and tummy aches. Kade is lounging around and Ashton hit playing full steam ahead. Another typical morning at our home.

“Ashton! Seriously? There is play-doh everywhere. It is on the rug, in the grout all over the place. What are you doing?”

There is play-doh every where. Large balls, bits and pieces. Smashed and loose. High and low. I have entered what appears to be a play-doh war zone. He is sitting on the rug with a mound of play-doh atop something with wheels. He is “vrooming” it all over the place.

“Mom the truck is going camping it needs all of its gear.”

I count 17 empty play-doh cans rolling around on the art table. Each batch is smashed up to the next and a big packed blob sits on top of a truck. The rainbow of colors now combined making gray and brown. I begin picking up all of the loose tidbits. Do I toss all of it out? It is a ton of play-doh! I am trying to be rational, but the play-doh OCD is speaking to me. We cannot possibly keep it. The colors are not to be blended! They are to remain pink with pink and white with white… not poopy brown. Why do I care? I don’t play with the stuff. Ash could care less. He just likes the creativity of it. I cannot help myself. I toss it. Putting it back in that mismatched state made me itchy. I am a work in progress.

I am moving around quickly. Grabbing, stuffing, tossing and talking.

He is quiet. He is still. He watches.

“Okay, you do not need to have 5 greens open, 3 purples and etc. One of each would suffice. Please, please ask before you start to play with this stuff. You know this, buddy. You may not drive play-doh around on the floor. If you needed space you ask for help to reorganize.”

He just stares at me.

“Dude, are you hearing what Mommy is saying? Do you understand that we only need to have a few cans out at one time and it is to be played with at the table, not under or around it?”

 

He stares.

“Ashton, you MAY answer me, now. This is not okay!”

“BUT MOM!”

“Do not but mom me, buddy.”

His arms go up towards the ceiling in defeat. He is bursting to speak, “Your BOObie is hanging out!”

I look down and sure enough my stretched out tank top has allowed slippage right out of the top. There she is. His behavior allows hindsight that she was out for most of my rant

I laughed and laughed as did he. Poor kiddo. He patiently sat listening to me go on-and-on all of the while waiting to tell me my private body was showing.

I thanked him. I explained he did good by telling me and in the future please tell me if I have food in my teeth, boogs in my nose or toilet paper stuck to my clothing. He is in agreement.

Boobies. Boobies at any age bring on the giggles. Our house is still giggling.

Valley of the Rogue

We spent 6 nights down in the Rogue Valley camping. It was very warm. We spent a lot of time down at the river or watching you two ride your bikes. It was a little bit of independence as you both ride without training wheels. We saw Oregon's largest fireworks show in Medford. Leading up to the finale many live bands and all around high energy of fun. It was pretty amazing. This is the first year you two actually saw such a show.

Eyes Everywhere

K: Mama, let me take a picture of your eyes.
M: Good grief. Why?
K: It is a mystery how you can see EVERYTHING.
M: It is my mommy power.
K: Creepy, but let me still do it, k? I want to figure this mystery out.

I laugh inside-- If you only knew of ALL my Mommy manipulations, er, powers ...

Photo credit: kk

RULES

As a Mom there is an abundance of rules to follow. I cannot keep up with the forever evolving list. I will preface that these rules were not made by Mom or typically enforced by Mom.

-          Always, ALWAYS ask if a sandwich should be cut in half. Do not assume it is in rectangles as triangles do exist. Lunches can get crazy and at time these halves turn into quarters. Be aware. You never know when crazy happens. Ask.

-          Fat, ugly, stop, kiss and but are all words we are not allowed to say. Be vigilant as this list changes minute-by-minute.

-          I have been told toilets should not have seats. It is the seats fault as to why urine spots it, not the peeing boy who chose not to lift it. Thus, remember to look before you sit each and every time.

-          Give privacy when they are using the potty. If you should enter expect a verbal lashing. They will leave the toilet to close the door and lock it. Soon they will get up open the door and scream “MOM!” down the hallway. Time to wipe said private bottom. 

-          They can swim in the rain because they are already wet.

-          If they have not watched the DVD or VHS movie 462 times do not suggest or play another movie. Night ruined.

-          Baths are oceans, pools, lakes and places to get married. The thoughtful splashing is to help encourage mopping of the floors (hallway included).

-          Rain boots are to be worn throughout the winter and cowboy boots are designated summer wear. This footwear is all that should exist.

-          The word no is code to continue the behavior or repeating of words as if they are battling Turrets.

-          Do not hold hands to cross the street or parking lot. Dealing with big boys.

-          “Hold me! Hold me! Hold me! I just saw a mosquito!”

-          7:00pm no one is hungry, therefore movie begins. 7:00:45 same children are famished.

Their list goes on and on as does my laughter. I admit to being the habitual rule breaker. I am doing my best to do better, but there is a learning curve called four and five.

 

9/16/12 Posted about CRIB

A Mother's Song

A Mother's Song

Words and Music: Anthony W. Carter

Tying little shoe laces
Wiping off dirty faces
Are just a couple of things
That a mother will do...

Mending a broken heart
Is only just a part
Of the care and the love
That I've given you...

With a Kool-aid smile
And a sparkle in your eyes
I wrap you in my arms
And whisper this advice...

Be strong, be kind
Be patient and in time
You'll find out, my son
What true love is all about

Be faithful and be true
Show love in all you do
Then you'll know, just how
You make your mother proud

Now, little boy days have passed
And you've grown up so fast
But in my heart
That little boy will never be far...

So on this blessed day
There's so much I want to say
But above all, I thank God
For the man that you are...

With a tender smile
And a twinkle in your eyes
I wrap you in my arms
And whisper this advice...

Be strong, be kind
Be patient and in time
You'll find out, my son
What true love is all about

Be faithful and be true
Show love in all you do
Then you'll know, just how
You make your mother proud

You've made your mother so proud...

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

My song to Kaden and Ashton as you both shine so brightly in this world. I love your guts. ~ Mom

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
-Jewel


Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
How I wonder what you are.

Diploma

June is a magical time of the year. It is a season of change and excitement. The school year is coming to a quick close. Children look forward to the frolics of summer months while parents frantically realize the last nine months got away and they must plan events and vacations. Graduations are looming while congratulations abound. This leads me to a very important subject: diplomas.

I imagine I have been on the PTA most of your schooling. Come your Junior years I am probably President planning for graduation dates. I look ahead to the classes of 2027 and 2028 . I see my boys dressed in their cap and gown with their tassel tickling the sides of their temple. It is safe to guess I am more of an emotional heart than I am today. I have had a lump in my throat your entire Senior year. I am proud.

Am I proud of your diploma? Sure. Although, I think the pride bursts from whom you as individuals have grown into. Two young men who at times struggled as well as found ease in achieving, whether it be personal or educational matters. This entire school year I will be in my minds eye replaying moments leading us to the diploma: first word, counting to 17, riding a bike without training wheels, crossing the street alone, love notes, overnight camp, driving clutch, a real paycheck, college letters and the list goes on to remembering how we worked on reading; and Kade in one sitting you learned to tie a shoe. All are life successes. All are notable.

The above milestones (and many more) are achievements, but more importantly each is an expectation. As your Mom, I expect you to learn to wash your laundry, navigate a map, and practice manners. Just as I expect that after you receive your diploma you will choose to go off to school, learn a trade or work. I anticipate my family growing by you boys. I expect. It is in the details of how the expectation is met, which will become your accomplishments. Your choice.

I will not be a parent all buttered and buttoned to celebrate your diploma as something earned. I will save this for college. Your high school diploma takes discipline to earn, but it is has been a lifelong expectation, not a lifelong achievement. Just as my guidance, singing Happy Birthday on your birth dates and providing a safe home is an expectation placed upon me your diploma is an expectation placed upon you. There is no maybe. It is a definitive- not to be missed.

As a result of this understanding I go back into my imagination and find myself sitting in the midst of hundreds of parents delighting knowing you two understood this family’s expectation. The two of you independent of the other and from me set out forging ahead to make good on this belief since pre-K. Your name is called, I cry and applaud. I hold up my camera, look through the lens centering it on my life’s achievement. I press click capturing the obligatory photos of you in your cap and gown holding your diploma. During this time there will be an echo of congratulations for your accomplishment. I see high-fives all around for being dedicated in completing this mountain called school. Little ones, school is the one mountain I expect you to climb. You will struggle, but you will peek.

 

Last day of 3's class for Ashton

 

Kade says goodbye to Rivergate as he graduates from Pre-K

Kindergarten Promotion

Kindergarten promotion was tonight. Three years of school behind you. You are past ready. I am not.

Teacher Jill gives an award to each child. The award is for character. She awarded you the Tom Landry Award: Math skills, Excellent Manners and looking out for others.

You gave us such a treat. It is a recipe book. prepare and cook/bake. Inside each student shared their favorite meal and how to bake/cook. The ingredients, measurements and times are fantastic. I will cherish it forever and always. When you are older (MUCH MUCH older) you might be able to look at it- look not touch. 

Sashay Your Way

Kade singing karaoke. He snapped this unannounced to me as I entered dancing away to his music. Evidence, the smalls are ALWAYS watching. You are in awe of us, really. This photo turned lesson for Mommy. I am being stalked all day and every day. I will do my best to: Be kind. Have fun. Play. 

You DO notice. 

Have a music in your heart sashay to your step kinda day-- always.

Soccer Trio

Team Rardin Strikes Again.

Great Gatsby

Sipping on mint julips. (Of course, non alcoholic as prohibition was in full effect.) Cheers to the gift of birthdays along with friends and family to celebrate with. Daddy celebrated his 30th in the era of the Great Gatsby. What a surprise it was for him. He had NO idea. 

Pwivates

Ash's prayer before dinner: 

Dear Jesus thank you for this wonderful meal. Pwease remember we don't show awe pwivates to awe fwiends. Thank you. Amen.

Sand and Sea

A full day in sand and sea. We played tag, built castles, dug wholes, looked for shells and treasures, ate ice cream, laid under the sun, tried boogie boarding, out ran waves, flew a kite, made sand angels, rode rides, ate chowder and left with salt water taffy. We lived life today

Little Boy

Happy Number 4 Ashton!

And POOF he is four. Some days I try not to blink because it is like pressing fast forward. This life, their life moves far too fast. Happy Birthday, Sprite Guy.

I look around and see a pile of thoughtful birthday gifts: motorcycles, plasma car, wheel barrow, tractors, rc trucks, soccer and tball gear... Tears quietly roll down my face. We have two little boys. No babies. No toddlers. A phase of my life I adored (very much) is now over. I hold those days dear. So, here we go. Little boy phase here we come... Off to more of this good life stuff. Good night, loves.