How do you know when your children are ready to embark on potty training? Today Kade came running in from outside holding his crotch and smiling saying, “Kay. Kay. Kay”. I asked him what he needed. I assumed a diaper change. I grab the diaper and begin to lead him to the floor. He pulls me in the direction of the stairs and to my surprise he leads me straight into the bathroom and points to the toilet!
I thought two things. “Oh, my God, this can’t be happening! Nothing in our lives comes this easy. Hallelujah.” The second thought: “Of course it happens today. Why wouldn’t it? We leave tomorrow for camping, so bye-bye potty.” The average age for boy s to be successfully potty trained is (gasp!) is 31 months. There are many signs to look for to begin the process.
I put him on the toilet and start the praise adding extra excitement to my tone. I mentally start checking off the signs that I missed, which were green lights to potty training:
• Desire to please (likes to give gifts, enjoys praise)- YES
• Desire for independence (takes pride in new abilities, wants to “do it myself”)- MAYBE
• Imitates adults and older children- NOPE
• Language skills: able to communicate needs, and understands words about the toileting process- MAYBE
• Motor skills: able to walk to the potty, get on and pull down pants- NOPE
• Bowel movements occur on a fairly predictable schedule- NOPE
• Has a longer period with a dry diaper, which means your child's bladder is able to store urine. (Your child wakes up from a nap dry, or stays dry for 2 or more hours)- NOPE
• Is able to follow simple, one-step verbal instructions- YES
• Shows an interest in imitating other family members or friends in the bathroom- NOPE
• Through words, facial expressions or a change in activity, your child shows you they know when their bladder is full or when they are about to have a bowel movement- NOPE
Okay. Clearly I have not missed any of the signs that he is ready to begin the process. Interesting, I have a potty genius!
Kaden sits on the potty for a few minutes. I hold down his pee-pee aiming down into the toilet. I continue the praise even though nothing has happened. He says, “Kay. Kay. Kay.” And start to get down from the toilet. Shucks, I guess he isn’t ready to go pee-pee in the potty, but he is starting to understand that the idea of potty training.
I remove my hands from his pee-pee. To lift him down I place my hands under his armpits. He is smiling. I am still giving him praise, for he did do good remembering all the above answers did lead to NO!! I begin to lift him up and off the toilet. His pee-pee is pointing upwards aimed right for me and sure enough he pees all over my chest!
Again, I remember the key to starting the process of potty training: Begin only after your child has shown most of the "readiness skills" listed above. And that all signs for him led to NO. The bright side is he is 21 months old, so he isn’t ‘behind,” which means he has 11 more months (on the average) before he will do the pee-pee on the potty.
I have been assured that by the age of 36 months- YES THREE YEARS OF AGE- diapers will be a distant memory. This is supposed to bring me comfort? In the mean time do I ignore his plea to use the potty? I am supposed to support him, but at what risk? I am at the front lines here. Should he shoot a bit higher we are talking it being put in my face and by this I definitely mean in more ways than one!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Three Months, Already
Ashton,
You are a quarter of a year old! How quickly three months passes by. I can hardly believe we are entering the milestones that we are. It is one of my most favorite times as a Mom. I love this age and the stage of learning and growth. Three months old is so brand new, but it still feels like you have been with us since the beginning.
You celebrated your 3 month day with rolling over from tummy to back over-and-over. I thought it a fluke, so I repositioned you on your tummy to see your ‘trick’ again. You preformed. It is clear that you are able to officially roll. It is a true accomplishment as this means your strength is growing. To watch you hold up your head and peek up is one of my beloved looks. To see you with your wrinkled forehead and big eyes opened wide as you stretch up is priceless.
Kaden adores you. You are taking more and more to your big brother. He is persistently in your face or touching you. He feels that you need a pacifier or bottle at all times. He will also le t me know when you have had enough of my attention as he points to you and walks over to the bouncer, swing or pack and play and points at it. This means: deposit Ashton here, now, thanks. He holds you and it is the sweetest of sweets. Every afternoon he puts in his 1 minute holding duty. He caresses your head and kisses your hands before he starts to push you by your neck to get down. Don’t you worry it sounds worse than it is; I am there the whole time!
In the last weeks you smile and coo. You have a whole lot to say! Your coos are loud and no longer sound as if it is a wind up for a cry. It is not only obvious to me, but others that I am your most favorite people, place and thing. You love me. I love this! I know it won’t last forever, so I savor these days of you being all mine. You are my baby and I am going to have a hard time letting go.
You are sleeping through the night. You fall asleep around 8:15 and wake around 4:40. You are becoming more scheduled. We have a long way to go, but I think in the next 6 weeks all the kinks will be worked out. This means that you and Kade will be on the same schedule. This will be a true gift to mommy. However, I do take much delight in our quiet evening dates. We gaze at one another and have our evening chats. You listen so attentively. This gives me great pleasure. I move away and it is instantaneous that you are dissatisfied and the screams begin. I rush back and resume.
I look forward to the days ahead, but try to remember to be present in today. These months have been exhausting, exhilarating, sad and joyful. I am constantly learning how to be my best. It has taken us a while to find our groove, but baby we are dancing now.
I wonder at three months of age do you know how loved you are? Can you feel it?
Friday, May 21, 2010
TWENTY-FIVE
I read US Weekly Magazine and every week a celebrity is highlighted. They list 25 things obscure about themselves. I thought this would be fun to do for you!
1. My favorite smells: Avon lotion (reminds me of Nanny), Giorgio Perfume (reminds me of childhood), lemons and Maple leaves.
2. I was in three Oregon Ballet performances
3. My first kisses were in the 4th and 7th grades both with the same boy
4. I regret not earning my MSW and becoming a social worker
5. My first job was when I was 15, which happens to be where I met your dad 14 years later
6. I have high hopes to receive a Kelly Green Karmann Ghia convertable for my 40th birthday
7. If I could go to one place in the world I choose Thailand
8. In 2000 Jason Kidd asked me to have a drink. I declined. I didn’t know who he was- NBA PHX Suns!
9. I do not know how to swim
10. I had my last cigarette the day I learned I was pregnant with Kaden
11. In Kindergarten I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer (as a profession)
12. I avoid the movie and soundtrack “The Bodygaurd”. My Dad and I saw it in the theater the first Thanksgiving after my parents separated.
13. I spent a summer in PA as a camp counselor during college
14. My favorite US city is Washington DC
15. I was in a sorority
16. My first car didn’t have power: brakes, steering, windows or locks
17. I decided to go to NAU three weeks before classes started never visiting the campus, nor going to AZ in my life.
18. I would rather be hot than cold
19. I was bartending during the 2001 World Series (in November) at a bar in Flagstaff. The Diamondbacks won! The vibrations shook the liquor shelves down around me.
20. My favorite professional sports: baseball and hockey
21. I had memberships to both the Michael J Fox and Patrick Swayze fan clubs.
22. I want to learn to play the guitar
23. My most foolish purchase: $1,000 on an Escada sequin skirt
24. I aspire to own a child’s bookstore (*think* You’ve Got Mail)
25. My favorite movie since 9th grade: Terms of Endearment
1. My favorite smells: Avon lotion (reminds me of Nanny), Giorgio Perfume (reminds me of childhood), lemons and Maple leaves.
2. I was in three Oregon Ballet performances
3. My first kisses were in the 4th and 7th grades both with the same boy
4. I regret not earning my MSW and becoming a social worker
5. My first job was when I was 15, which happens to be where I met your dad 14 years later
6. I have high hopes to receive a Kelly Green Karmann Ghia convertable for my 40th birthday
7. If I could go to one place in the world I choose Thailand
8. In 2000 Jason Kidd asked me to have a drink. I declined. I didn’t know who he was- NBA PHX Suns!
9. I do not know how to swim
10. I had my last cigarette the day I learned I was pregnant with Kaden
11. In Kindergarten I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer (as a profession)
12. I avoid the movie and soundtrack “The Bodygaurd”. My Dad and I saw it in the theater the first Thanksgiving after my parents separated.
13. I spent a summer in PA as a camp counselor during college
14. My favorite US city is Washington DC
15. I was in a sorority
16. My first car didn’t have power: brakes, steering, windows or locks
17. I decided to go to NAU three weeks before classes started never visiting the campus, nor going to AZ in my life.
18. I would rather be hot than cold
19. I was bartending during the 2001 World Series (in November) at a bar in Flagstaff. The Diamondbacks won! The vibrations shook the liquor shelves down around me.
20. My favorite professional sports: baseball and hockey
21. I had memberships to both the Michael J Fox and Patrick Swayze fan clubs.
22. I want to learn to play the guitar
23. My most foolish purchase: $1,000 on an Escada sequin skirt
24. I aspire to own a child’s bookstore (*think* You’ve Got Mail)
25. My favorite movie since 9th grade: Terms of Endearment
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Shoe
Today I was sitting on the living room floor. Kaden walked over to me with my sneaker. He handed it to me and with a smile said, “Shoe.” There is a God.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Don't Ever Let Go
Kaden, today I let you hold Ashton for the very first time. I don’t know I considered allowing you to hold him. You have not asked, but I felt it was time. As with anything you held him with such tenderness and care. He was placed between your little legs and your arms snuggly fit around him. You were in your own Heaven.
As you held him you kept looking down at him. You would kiss his head. I made the mistake thinking your arm adjustment meant you were done holding him. I was quickly corrected as you swatted me away. You had it handled. I could have watched the two of you sitting together the rest of the day. It made my heart smile. It still smiles.
Ashton you would coo and look up at your big brother. He would pet the top of your head with as much ease as Kade knows. As you slipped down the back of the leather couch Kaden was very aware and would try to reposition you with all of his little might. I am so happy I was able to share in this special moment. I am even happier that it was a success and everyone stayed calm, cool and collected.
My two brothers (your uncles) have always shared a special connection. I have always been envious of their relationship. As a child and even now as an adult I am curious as to why I don’t share this kinship. Is it because I am the oldest? A girl? I don’t know. I never will. I see how important sibling relationships are especially as an adult. They are my friend’s best friends. They are growing a stronger closer family with their own children and cousins. It is neat to hear and see. It would be awesome for you two to know this relationship as grown men. I hope the love you two have now continues.
I would love nothing more than to know you two find a friendship in your youth, which thrives throughout adulthood. As men may you remember the importance you have to the other in that you are part of the same story. Today you share in childhood memories and one day may it be adult dreams. When Dad and I are no longer on this Earth you two will hold the keys to each other’s past, present and future. You were made siblings, but hopefully you two choose friendship. I beg the Heavens this be the plan for you two.
As I take Ashton out of your arms he looks at you ever so sweetly. You reached out to him beginning to tear and tantrum. You were not done holding and loving him. May you never be…
Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~Marc Brown
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Talk to Me
A high school teacher of mine use to say, “Be careful of your thoughts for they may become words at any moment.” She had so many meanings behind her statement. And today it haunts me, for all I desire is Kaden’s thoughts to become spoken. I crave to hear his thoughts, wants and needs spoken in English. Kaden, I am asking you, no, I am pleading to you: start speaking the English language vs. babynese!
Daddy and I joke that you must be German. Your sounds are sharp and direct. Many words sound as though each is created from the back of your throat. Each sound is deliberate in it sounding as though your tongue is up against the roof of your mouth creating your language. And yes, there has been occassional spray! You understand everything we say to you. You are such a smarty pants. I will ask you to find your cup and you do. I let you know it is time to go and you find your shoes. I can ask if you would like a snack and you shake/nod your head. I need the blue blanket on the bottom of the pile and you bring me the blue blanket. You understand most of what we ‘talk’ about. There are few words you will speak, but know so many.
We pull into GG’s drive and from the backseat I hear a course sound roll off the back of your throat ‘Gee Gee’. There is no coaxing. Brooklyn is another word you pronounce. Your two girls are pretty special to you! It is obvious in how you say their name with such a smile. I don’t how to take the news that you refuse to say Mama, but point to our dogs and call each by their names: ‘Gertrude’ and ‘Gladys’. Sure their names are pronounced a little funny, but none the less you say each one. I will point out the obvious that their names are not easy to say! IF you can say these names I would assume Mama would float off of your tongue. You will repeatedly say ‘cookie’. My favorite words to hear you articulate (besides Mama) are “yes” ‘hi’ and ‘please’, which is due to your exaggeratedly sweet high pitched tone. “Thank you” is your newest phrase. It would seem I have the most polite 20 month old in all of the land! I also have the only 20 month old who doesn’t say Mama. Well, let me retract that statement. You will say ‘Mama’, but I have learned to stop asking. Your (choice) repeated silence lets me hear my own heartbreak.
I think ‘Mama’ is stored in the reserve word bank to only be pulled out for dramatics. You also save it in your manipulation account. I have determined it is instinctive that you not speak the word ‘Mama’ until you are either a) hurt or b) exploiting a situation. Because when you do the tides quickly change. I am on to you. You are on to me. It works every single time and I turn to butter.
You do speak phrases such as ‘All done’ and ‘Oh, there’.
You love language and expressions. You are overly animated. Robert calls you his Little Italian Friend due to your quick chatter and constant hand motions. Your favorite thing to do is walk around with one of your (many) cell phones. You will chatter, howl and scold whoever is on the line. You walk circles around the house chattering and laughing at your own conversations. Your hands and arms are in constant movement. It is as though you are in a constant state of playing charades. You love to talk, but refuse to use English vocabulary! Why is this?
Do not misunderstand, for you communicate well. You are able to tell me through ‘showing’ me what you want. You will take my hand leading me to the item or place pointing and saying ‘uh-uh-uh-uh-uh’. This vowel sound is similar to nails on a chalkboard! It grates on my nerves. I can’t wait to hear you speak aloud what it is you want. I feel so terrible when I do not understand your want or need. You will cry, kick, scream and at times hit. A tantrum unfolds from pure frustration, which we both gather ourselves quickly.
I am told that once you talk I will wish for the quieter days. I don’t think I will. I love your voice. I am excited to experience our days with real conversation. You have so much to share and I can’t wait to be included in your storytelling. To hear you say Mama 173 times in a day will be a delight. It is the ‘why’ stage I find I have trepidation. I can’t begin to imagine what questions and stories you will share with me and even the stranger in the checkout line. I am ready. However, like everything you do talking will come in your own time. I respect this. I really do. I’m just so darn proud of you. I can’t wait for you to tell the world just how special, handsome, smart and funny you are! Oh, and more importantly I will continue to wait to hear you in front of others openly call me Mom.
Daddy and I joke that you must be German. Your sounds are sharp and direct. Many words sound as though each is created from the back of your throat. Each sound is deliberate in it sounding as though your tongue is up against the roof of your mouth creating your language. And yes, there has been occassional spray! You understand everything we say to you. You are such a smarty pants. I will ask you to find your cup and you do. I let you know it is time to go and you find your shoes. I can ask if you would like a snack and you shake/nod your head. I need the blue blanket on the bottom of the pile and you bring me the blue blanket. You understand most of what we ‘talk’ about. There are few words you will speak, but know so many.
We pull into GG’s drive and from the backseat I hear a course sound roll off the back of your throat ‘Gee Gee’. There is no coaxing. Brooklyn is another word you pronounce. Your two girls are pretty special to you! It is obvious in how you say their name with such a smile. I don’t how to take the news that you refuse to say Mama, but point to our dogs and call each by their names: ‘Gertrude’ and ‘Gladys’. Sure their names are pronounced a little funny, but none the less you say each one. I will point out the obvious that their names are not easy to say! IF you can say these names I would assume Mama would float off of your tongue. You will repeatedly say ‘cookie’. My favorite words to hear you articulate (besides Mama) are “yes” ‘hi’ and ‘please’, which is due to your exaggeratedly sweet high pitched tone. “Thank you” is your newest phrase. It would seem I have the most polite 20 month old in all of the land! I also have the only 20 month old who doesn’t say Mama. Well, let me retract that statement. You will say ‘Mama’, but I have learned to stop asking. Your (choice) repeated silence lets me hear my own heartbreak.
I think ‘Mama’ is stored in the reserve word bank to only be pulled out for dramatics. You also save it in your manipulation account. I have determined it is instinctive that you not speak the word ‘Mama’ until you are either a) hurt or b) exploiting a situation. Because when you do the tides quickly change. I am on to you. You are on to me. It works every single time and I turn to butter.
You do speak phrases such as ‘All done’ and ‘Oh, there’.
You love language and expressions. You are overly animated. Robert calls you his Little Italian Friend due to your quick chatter and constant hand motions. Your favorite thing to do is walk around with one of your (many) cell phones. You will chatter, howl and scold whoever is on the line. You walk circles around the house chattering and laughing at your own conversations. Your hands and arms are in constant movement. It is as though you are in a constant state of playing charades. You love to talk, but refuse to use English vocabulary! Why is this?
Do not misunderstand, for you communicate well. You are able to tell me through ‘showing’ me what you want. You will take my hand leading me to the item or place pointing and saying ‘uh-uh-uh-uh-uh’. This vowel sound is similar to nails on a chalkboard! It grates on my nerves. I can’t wait to hear you speak aloud what it is you want. I feel so terrible when I do not understand your want or need. You will cry, kick, scream and at times hit. A tantrum unfolds from pure frustration, which we both gather ourselves quickly.
I am told that once you talk I will wish for the quieter days. I don’t think I will. I love your voice. I am excited to experience our days with real conversation. You have so much to share and I can’t wait to be included in your storytelling. To hear you say Mama 173 times in a day will be a delight. It is the ‘why’ stage I find I have trepidation. I can’t begin to imagine what questions and stories you will share with me and even the stranger in the checkout line. I am ready. However, like everything you do talking will come in your own time. I respect this. I really do. I’m just so darn proud of you. I can’t wait for you to tell the world just how special, handsome, smart and funny you are! Oh, and more importantly I will continue to wait to hear you in front of others openly call me Mom.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
My Daughter My Friend
When I returned home from the hospital Mom gave me a hysterical card (see photo). She wrote that she could see me saying this to the boys one day… how my Mom knows me! In the card was a beautiful letter. I want to include this in my journal sealed with the rest of our memories. I will read this letter during the days I feel most challenged finding my strength as I fall under the light she continues to shine over me. Now on to the letter:
My daughter my friend,
The words we have written or spoken over the years seem to cover the feelings and thoughts we have – and at times it seems there aren’t any left to say. Then another life altering experience comes along and there are many more words left to say…. I can’t tell you the completeness I feel within myself for being a part of your children’s births. While it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced, watching you go through the pain – it was what made me believe again, in all good and amazing things. Not just my mister man and sprite – but life baby.
The strength of your womanhood makes me look at you in awe – do not get me wrong – I do not have you on a pedestal that you cannot come down from – because I know you fall- and I know you will always need your Mom to help you. The hardest part of parenting isn’t raising the babies – it is letting them go…. And realizing that someone else will be nurturing and caring and loving them – and you have Adam and I adore him!!!!! I really feel that you are safe and warm and loved by an amazing man. That makes my letting go a little bit easier. It is so hard to see or imagine you struggling – no matter what the circumstances are – You will someday know this kind of love too.
I read your blogs – and I laugh and cry – smile – frown – worry – rejoice – I learned things about your feelings that I didn’t know… and I learned from them. I have learned a lot of lessons from you….
The heart of a parent? It is loving when perhaps a child doesn’t accept it – doesn’t trust it – doesn’t understand your reasons -but as a parent – you keep on keeping on – and hope that the day will come when they realize that love was always the driving factor and being a parent doesn’t mean you know everything - and my heart smiles because you get that !!!!
“I love how you love me”
“I love your guts”
“I love you in sunshine and in shade”
“I hope you dance”
The future, it is without a doubt – what I am looking forward to the most….. With you and your family…. And I also know that someday – my life will change… and with that comes more changes… challenges… but the one constant thing is – YOU….
You laugh and joke that it isn’t easy raising a single Mom Well my dear, you have done it well and with grace – and I thank you.
I love you the most, the mostest, the mostester,
Mom
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Babysitter
All my life I have heard stories of the way things use to be. How much things were back in the day. Those simpler times are a thing of the past. I listen with interest, but think, ‘you know you are old when you start reminiscing on the early days.’ Well, it seems I too have reached this bridge. I find I am asking my friends and family 'remember when' questions. The one I can’t seem to get over is: Where are the babysitters?
Call me old fashion, but we need a good ole babysitter. Does no one else?
Do teenage girls no longer exist? They certainly do not seem to in our neighborhood. However, if we want our dogs walked or lawn mowed we have the hook up. Our friends have kids the same age as ours. Coworkers kids are college bound. We do not have family with kids older then our own. We are stuck. We discuss finding one. How do we find a babysitter? Should we post a listing on Craigslist? Do we put a wanted poster up at the local market or perhaps the busy intersection up the street? Shall I bring home one of the nice people on the interstate who will work for food? We need someone. And there are days we would probably take anyone.
My parents lucked out having Aunt Jana. She is 5-6 years older than I. She was prime babysitting material. She lived up the street. She traveled with us. She had friends who would watch us. Sure Jake developed such a crush on one sitter she stopped coming. I am not clear on the details... their choice or hers! Mom hired a couple gals from OCHS. I think one invited her boyfriend over during an afternoon sit. We didn’t see her again. The other happended to be a girl I always thought of as super cool. I have no idea why she stopped sitting for us. Mom and Dad had friends whose daughter was old enough to stay with us when they traveled. It is clear there was once an overabundance of babysitters. They are all used up.
In this economy can kids afford not to babysit earning an under the table (cash) wage? Then again, in this economy who can actually afford to go out let alone afford a sitter!
I ask our friends if they have sitters. The answer is always the same: no. It seems we all rely upon our moms and grandparents. A few have siblings or friends they swap child care. Swapping is a good idea for families who have one child. I can take on one more child, but two or more will put me over my edge. If I did I am sure Adam will suddenly have to work late. I do not expect to swap time with a family who has one child. It doesn’t seem fair for them. We have two aunts willing and wanting to help, but distance and schedules are the obstacles. Darn.
So, here we are and unfortunately (for now) will continue to rely on GG and Great Grandma Church for our childcare needs. I wish I knew where the babysitters are hiding. Little babysitters, come-out come-out where ever you are. We have dates to be filled…
Call me old fashion, but we need a good ole babysitter. Does no one else?
Do teenage girls no longer exist? They certainly do not seem to in our neighborhood. However, if we want our dogs walked or lawn mowed we have the hook up. Our friends have kids the same age as ours. Coworkers kids are college bound. We do not have family with kids older then our own. We are stuck. We discuss finding one. How do we find a babysitter? Should we post a listing on Craigslist? Do we put a wanted poster up at the local market or perhaps the busy intersection up the street? Shall I bring home one of the nice people on the interstate who will work for food? We need someone. And there are days we would probably take anyone.
My parents lucked out having Aunt Jana. She is 5-6 years older than I. She was prime babysitting material. She lived up the street. She traveled with us. She had friends who would watch us. Sure Jake developed such a crush on one sitter she stopped coming. I am not clear on the details... their choice or hers! Mom hired a couple gals from OCHS. I think one invited her boyfriend over during an afternoon sit. We didn’t see her again. The other happended to be a girl I always thought of as super cool. I have no idea why she stopped sitting for us. Mom and Dad had friends whose daughter was old enough to stay with us when they traveled. It is clear there was once an overabundance of babysitters. They are all used up.
In this economy can kids afford not to babysit earning an under the table (cash) wage? Then again, in this economy who can actually afford to go out let alone afford a sitter!
I ask our friends if they have sitters. The answer is always the same: no. It seems we all rely upon our moms and grandparents. A few have siblings or friends they swap child care. Swapping is a good idea for families who have one child. I can take on one more child, but two or more will put me over my edge. If I did I am sure Adam will suddenly have to work late. I do not expect to swap time with a family who has one child. It doesn’t seem fair for them. We have two aunts willing and wanting to help, but distance and schedules are the obstacles. Darn.
So, here we are and unfortunately (for now) will continue to rely on GG and Great Grandma Church for our childcare needs. I wish I knew where the babysitters are hiding. Little babysitters, come-out come-out where ever you are. We have dates to be filled…
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Selfish
Having a second child has a learning curve that I didn’t expect. I figured I would weave myself deeper into my family losing more of my own fiber. This isn’t so. I have learned that I am self-seeking. Over the course of these last few weeks I have been reintroduced to me. In this introduction I have looked at myself both inside and out. I was beginning to wonder if I existed or if I was coexisting. I am glad to discover I am still in there, but the reality is I have lost bits of me.
As a parent and a partner we become selfless. I have put others in front of my own needs. If they are happy I am happy. I have been practicing this theory for as far back as I can recall; and what I have unearthed is if I am happy those around me are happy. So, it is imperative to take care of me. Let the selfish unveiling begin!
I have learned that to be the best mom, friend, wife, daughter and person I have to be selfish. I must treat myself to the luxuries of life. And the word luxury is used loosely. Anyone with kids can attest that a luxury is grocery shopping alone or getting a haircut. Funny how these times use to be considered tasks and as a mom have been upgraded to luxuries! Going back to my point, I have to go out and do my ‘own’ thing. I may need to force myself, but in returning home I am happy I did it. This ‘force’ soon turns into a desire and much more of a need. I need to nurture myself to nurture my relationships. Period. We all do.
I have taken on a physical challenge. I can’t hide from the fact that I have given birth to two children in 17 months. I am into my 30’s, which shifts my metabolism and heightens the need for both a dietary and physical fitness jump. I joined a gym. Dun dun dunnn. I started looking back on my life. During the periods of time that I felt good about my physical appearance I was obviously happier. If I am happier the energy around me is greater. It is almost infectious. Okay, let me be truthful. When I improve my appearance I feel more attractive. And in feeling more attractive builds my confidence, which is central to living my best life. Adam will call me beautiful today just as he did three years ago and genuinely mean it. He would disagree with the following statement: I owe it to him to focus on tuning my body. Just as I deserve this positive shift he too deserves a wife who is happy in her own skin. It comes with rewards (wink, wink)!
I am taking more time away from the house. I grew comfortable hanging at home day in and day out. I know it is hard to believe, but I actually became a social recluse. Thanks heavens I reached a point where I could no longer continue this behavior. I need out. At the end of the day the walls were closing in on me. I was suffocating in my own breath. I am the first to admit that I enjoy nights I am home ‘alone’ as Adam plays poker or goes to visit a buddy. I get the remote. I light my candles. I lay cuddled up without distraction. I can just be. However, I too have the social need to seek time with people outside of our home. I am back out enjoying shopping, pedicures, working out, writing, visits and lunches out. I selfishly take more and more of these times for myself.
I write. I try to find time to write one blog a week. I may not finish it (at the time), but I will always start one and always publish it at a later date. I write while Kaden eats his breakfast. I write when the boys nap. I write late into the night. I may be tired the next day, but to me it is worth a little bit of tired. I feel fulfilled. I think more than anything else I can do for me is keeping up on my writing. The time I am having right now gives me great relief and relaxation from the crazy hectic day. I have nothing to worry about other than my fingers keeping up with my thoughts. I just get lost right here in my own living room.
I have grown much more selfish over these weeks in my wants. And it is funny how in sitting here I realize that these wants are actually needs. I am growing more comfortable in being more self-interested. It challenges me daily, but I am making progress. I anticipate that in finding me again my family will also benefit. The boys will learn to continuously seek their happiness’s having hobbies and interests, which both stretch and challenge them enriching their lives by broadening their own horizons. I want Kaden and Ashton to respect and understand that each person has individual interests and it is a human need and a human right to seek and practice these experiences. Adam and I agree that having our own time and interests make us stronger as a couple. It gives us more to talk about at the dinner table. It helps to fill our relationship by feeding our personal needs. It reenergizes us to move forward through our hardest times. If I learned one thing from my own parents it is this: one person does not make for happiness. I want my boys to see this wisdom. There is much value to be learned in that short statement.
I am selfish. I serve my needs. I wake up asking myself what I need to be my best self. If I am not my best what can I offer those around me? If I have nothing to offer myself what can I possibly have to offer my family at the end of the day? There is more I would like time to do. I would love to read a book from cover-to-cover. At this time I make the choice to spend time talking with my husband before turning of the lights vs. reading the pages of a fictional love story. To curb the reading craving I read a magazine while on the elliptical. I would love to sew, but my kids need the space more (seriously).
It seems I lost myself in doing the things I love. Just as those who work out of the home stay-at-home-moms need a reality check. We too get in a working rut. It is our responsibility to manage and schedule our time off, for no one else is going to offer or schedule it on our behalf. Our short fall is not taking the same time that those who work outside the home do. We deserve a lunch break or a vacation too! I promise it is okay… no regrets and no ‘mommy guilties’. To be sure I take this time I put it on the calendar and tell Adam. As I look at the calendar I get excited for the day to approach. As I write this I am unraveling some truths I didn’t realize. I am afforded the opportunity to do a lot of things which are ‘me’ centered every day. How selfish indeed.
I cook. I can get lost in the kitchen making extravagant meals for us or for company. I love to garden. It is approaching farming season. I soon will enjoy this hobby and the reward in sharing it with others! I love photography. I may not have the time to edit all my photos, but I get to take pictures every single day. I like to be silly and fun and challenge my creativity. I do this day in and day out.
At the end of this life I want to have reached, explored and practiced my interests; and I want this same fortune for Adam. I want our boys to honor this. May they appreciate that what each of us needs differs and as they find their way through this life they give consistent thought to this necessity. Being selfish has a connotation that is anything but positive especially if it labels a mom. Although, I have to say being selfish has been anything but negative for me. I have been able to reintroduce myself to me. The person my parents raised. The woman my husband fell in love. The lady I became. The girlfriend my friends found fun. The woman my husband fell in love. The mom I strive to become.
In looking deeply within me I slowly notice I am missing slivers of who I once was. As I take more of a micro assessment I recognize I am not missing pieces of who I was once upon a time, it is quite the contrary. I have grown. These slices are areas I have stretched leaving gaps for more growth. I am who I have always been. Actually, I retract that. I am not who I have always been. I am far stronger, wiser, forgiving and giving. I like what selfish has bestowed upon me: my best self.
As a parent and a partner we become selfless. I have put others in front of my own needs. If they are happy I am happy. I have been practicing this theory for as far back as I can recall; and what I have unearthed is if I am happy those around me are happy. So, it is imperative to take care of me. Let the selfish unveiling begin!
I have learned that to be the best mom, friend, wife, daughter and person I have to be selfish. I must treat myself to the luxuries of life. And the word luxury is used loosely. Anyone with kids can attest that a luxury is grocery shopping alone or getting a haircut. Funny how these times use to be considered tasks and as a mom have been upgraded to luxuries! Going back to my point, I have to go out and do my ‘own’ thing. I may need to force myself, but in returning home I am happy I did it. This ‘force’ soon turns into a desire and much more of a need. I need to nurture myself to nurture my relationships. Period. We all do.
I have taken on a physical challenge. I can’t hide from the fact that I have given birth to two children in 17 months. I am into my 30’s, which shifts my metabolism and heightens the need for both a dietary and physical fitness jump. I joined a gym. Dun dun dunnn. I started looking back on my life. During the periods of time that I felt good about my physical appearance I was obviously happier. If I am happier the energy around me is greater. It is almost infectious. Okay, let me be truthful. When I improve my appearance I feel more attractive. And in feeling more attractive builds my confidence, which is central to living my best life. Adam will call me beautiful today just as he did three years ago and genuinely mean it. He would disagree with the following statement: I owe it to him to focus on tuning my body. Just as I deserve this positive shift he too deserves a wife who is happy in her own skin. It comes with rewards (wink, wink)!
I am taking more time away from the house. I grew comfortable hanging at home day in and day out. I know it is hard to believe, but I actually became a social recluse. Thanks heavens I reached a point where I could no longer continue this behavior. I need out. At the end of the day the walls were closing in on me. I was suffocating in my own breath. I am the first to admit that I enjoy nights I am home ‘alone’ as Adam plays poker or goes to visit a buddy. I get the remote. I light my candles. I lay cuddled up without distraction. I can just be. However, I too have the social need to seek time with people outside of our home. I am back out enjoying shopping, pedicures, working out, writing, visits and lunches out. I selfishly take more and more of these times for myself.
I write. I try to find time to write one blog a week. I may not finish it (at the time), but I will always start one and always publish it at a later date. I write while Kaden eats his breakfast. I write when the boys nap. I write late into the night. I may be tired the next day, but to me it is worth a little bit of tired. I feel fulfilled. I think more than anything else I can do for me is keeping up on my writing. The time I am having right now gives me great relief and relaxation from the crazy hectic day. I have nothing to worry about other than my fingers keeping up with my thoughts. I just get lost right here in my own living room.
I have grown much more selfish over these weeks in my wants. And it is funny how in sitting here I realize that these wants are actually needs. I am growing more comfortable in being more self-interested. It challenges me daily, but I am making progress. I anticipate that in finding me again my family will also benefit. The boys will learn to continuously seek their happiness’s having hobbies and interests, which both stretch and challenge them enriching their lives by broadening their own horizons. I want Kaden and Ashton to respect and understand that each person has individual interests and it is a human need and a human right to seek and practice these experiences. Adam and I agree that having our own time and interests make us stronger as a couple. It gives us more to talk about at the dinner table. It helps to fill our relationship by feeding our personal needs. It reenergizes us to move forward through our hardest times. If I learned one thing from my own parents it is this: one person does not make for happiness. I want my boys to see this wisdom. There is much value to be learned in that short statement.
I am selfish. I serve my needs. I wake up asking myself what I need to be my best self. If I am not my best what can I offer those around me? If I have nothing to offer myself what can I possibly have to offer my family at the end of the day? There is more I would like time to do. I would love to read a book from cover-to-cover. At this time I make the choice to spend time talking with my husband before turning of the lights vs. reading the pages of a fictional love story. To curb the reading craving I read a magazine while on the elliptical. I would love to sew, but my kids need the space more (seriously).
It seems I lost myself in doing the things I love. Just as those who work out of the home stay-at-home-moms need a reality check. We too get in a working rut. It is our responsibility to manage and schedule our time off, for no one else is going to offer or schedule it on our behalf. Our short fall is not taking the same time that those who work outside the home do. We deserve a lunch break or a vacation too! I promise it is okay… no regrets and no ‘mommy guilties’. To be sure I take this time I put it on the calendar and tell Adam. As I look at the calendar I get excited for the day to approach. As I write this I am unraveling some truths I didn’t realize. I am afforded the opportunity to do a lot of things which are ‘me’ centered every day. How selfish indeed.
I cook. I can get lost in the kitchen making extravagant meals for us or for company. I love to garden. It is approaching farming season. I soon will enjoy this hobby and the reward in sharing it with others! I love photography. I may not have the time to edit all my photos, but I get to take pictures every single day. I like to be silly and fun and challenge my creativity. I do this day in and day out.
At the end of this life I want to have reached, explored and practiced my interests; and I want this same fortune for Adam. I want our boys to honor this. May they appreciate that what each of us needs differs and as they find their way through this life they give consistent thought to this necessity. Being selfish has a connotation that is anything but positive especially if it labels a mom. Although, I have to say being selfish has been anything but negative for me. I have been able to reintroduce myself to me. The person my parents raised. The woman my husband fell in love. The lady I became. The girlfriend my friends found fun. The woman my husband fell in love. The mom I strive to become.
In looking deeply within me I slowly notice I am missing slivers of who I once was. As I take more of a micro assessment I recognize I am not missing pieces of who I was once upon a time, it is quite the contrary. I have grown. These slices are areas I have stretched leaving gaps for more growth. I am who I have always been. Actually, I retract that. I am not who I have always been. I am far stronger, wiser, forgiving and giving. I like what selfish has bestowed upon me: my best self.
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