Kaden, if someone asked me who you are at 14 months of age I would answer a perfect mix of your Dad and myself. You have developed a personality all your own; and you definitely own your personality! Daily I am in awe as to who you are becoming as a person.
You are first and foremost funny. You have a sense of humor that is quick and in time. You have silly looks and gestures. A child’s laugh is always contagious, but to hear your laughter turn into hysterics is something I cannot even describe. I can’t wait for you to share your jokes. I have a feeling you too, much like me, will be quick witted.
Much like your father and me, you are a study coming around in your own time attempting to try something new when you believe you can accomplish the task. I think you practice all your tricks in your crib before you unveil what you can do. It surprises me what you ‘do’ without notice. And by the way, Daddy and I are patiently waiting for your shock and awe walking abilities.
A stranger you have never known, for you are the epitome of a ‘people person’. It doesn’t seem to faze you that an unknown person may hold, look or speak to you. As long as you are gaining attention you are thrilled and befriending of them. Mister, I don’t think you know the meaning of separation anxiety! When you do learn to talk I imagine all the secrets you will share to the lady in front of us at the check out line. I see you spending time with Dad in the garage only to see all the people who will come and go from our home.
There are so many things I love about who you are, but what I like about you is your tender heart. As a busy explorer you will take time to come find me to give me a hug. I will feel your little arms wrap around my calf squeezing as your head lay against me. You may sit on a lap for 30 minutes without moving- if it involves a good cuddle. You love to be touched and love to feel. A sure sign that you are ready for bed is you begin to twist your hair. Dad use to do this as a child too!
Without a doubt you are stubborn or as I like to call you, determined. You have to get this headstrong trait from your father. You know exactly what the meaning of “no”, after all, I do say it 50 times a day. You even shake your head at me when I say “no”. Does this stop your actions? Nope. You keep towing the line and even look over at me as you do it. You, much like your father, know how to press my buttons!
You have strong interests too.
As Grandma Church and Grandma Rardin say, “You must belong to this family because you loooooove food.” You eat everything and I mean everything. If it is food you will eat it without question. There is very little you spit out or throw over your high chair (which indicates you are finished). You have inherited my sweet tooth and I indulge it far more than I should.
You enjoy to be read to. When we read you will sit and listen to three to four books at a sitting. You will turn the pages and point to different images on the page. I hope you keep this sense of wonder and enjoyment for words. Vocabulary is a powerful tool and when used correctly will bring you so much in life (education, communication, adventure, creativity and etc). When I finish reading you will often pick up a book and hand it to me, which I translate into wanting to hear me story tell once again. And of course we read it again.
As William Stafford once said, “Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music.” Music and dance go hand-in-hand. So many of your toys play music (thanks to your loving family) and you will bounce and wiggle to the tune. You will be exploring and stop in your tracks if music is heard from the television. I can look at you and there you are bouncing and swaying. We can be driving and the music in the car has your head bobbing. Your ‘wiggle-wiggle’ as we call it makes me smile. It amazes me that a baby learns to dance before walking or talking. How do you know this pleasure comes from music and even more so, how do you know timing? If we adults took time out of our days to dance our world would be a happier place. I believe this!
You like a schedule. I don’t run a tight schedule, but we do have a schedule. You know that breakfast is followed by a bath. You will have your morning nap around the same time every day and your afternoon nap within the same hour each afternoon. “Night-night” is a strict 7ish. Dad and I don’t veer often from this bedtime, nor do you. You love to sleep. I love that you love to sleep.
The water is a real joy for you. I pour water over your head with a cup to wash your hair. As the water runs down your face you look at me with delight and laugh leaning forward for another douse. It makes me nervous how at ease you are in the water. I will suddenly find you splashing around as you lay there on your tummy and if I put you on your back to ‘float’ you think this is the best thing since bottle feeding. You simply have no fear of the water. I fear water and especially over my face. This is one reason that your Mama doesn’t know how to swim. I do hope this will change by the time you read this. It flabbergasts me every single day that you enjoy having water trickle down your face.
As I write this you are a little person; I think the little guy I see before me is a small version of the man who will one day read this. It is exciting to think of your future disposition and interests. Will there be parallel’s in today and tomorrow? In my professional Mom opinion the answer is yes. You are today a small version of who you will become tomorrow.
How lucky are we? Extremely.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Family
Family, what is it? How is family defined? I often wonder when Adam and I became a ‘family’. Did this happen when we were engaged? Was it on the date of our wedding? Did it happen the day we found out we were pregnant or perhaps the day Kaden was born? When did we all the sudden become a ‘family’?
In thinking about family I immediately think of dysfunction! I really do. But, okay, I also think of my (our) fundamental group of people. I extend my family to a lineage of friends, not just the heredity of ancestry. It is said you don’t choose your family, but I disagree. I think I have hand picked my family. Granted, those I was born into I had no say (although, I have been blessed!), but those I grow with I surely do.
In choosing Adam as my life partner I was certainly choosing family. I was not only marrying Adam I was choosing to spend my life surrounded by both the Rardin’s and the Church’s. Adam and I would not live in an isolated bubble; it was important we had a natural fit. A natural fit for not only me, but him as well. There had to be a connection shared, which ran deeper then simply between us. I felt this almost immediately.
I have this same theory with our friends. Throughout our lives people come and people go with each individual serving a special purpose. Those friends who bury themselves into my heart are family. Mom has gifted me with great women who are defiantly central to my core. They have themselves time-and-time again to lend comfort, support, wisdom, love. I have a select group I will forever be bonded. Adam has a particular core group as well. We interchangeably use the word friend and family when talking about special people.
Collectively, all of these people make up our family. We have known them for years and many beyond a time our memory allows us to remember. They were there and continue to be here.
Again, I am brought back to my question: As defined by society, when did Adam and I become a (traditional) family?
I have epiphanies all of the time. I am a thinker. I think deeply bring meaning and thoughts to ideas others may have not entertained. This is heightened as I have become a mom and became pregnant this second time. I see a splendor that moves one thought into seven degrees of separation. Of course, this happened recently, which is why I am thinking of family.
Kaden’s First Annual Pumpkin Decorating Party was Saturday. He invited all his little people (who belong to our favorite big people) to enjoy play, pumpkins, cupcakes and more play. The candles flickered behind Halloween lanterns as Halloween music played in the background. Pumpkins lined the entrance for his guests. As each came they chose their pumpkin. The fun began as children giggled demanded stickers, paint, pens and other supplies for their individual pumpkin project. They enjoyed juice and cupcakes too.
Once our friends left with their pumpkins and party gifts there was a warmth in the house. I felt a little bit happier and more in love with Adam. Kaden was an absolute doll: I remember telling him how much I like him. I do. I like him so much, which came over time from loving him. The house was in disarray, but as I looked around it was a home and not just a house.
Was it the aspect of hosting our first annual event that lent me feeling a deeper sense of family? I don’t know. I do know I have discovered we are indeed a family. I think it is something that uncovers and develops over time. It is comparable to falling in love. It happens over the course of time and without notice. A day will come when it is realized it has been this way for quite sometime.
There will come a time when our children will ask, “What is family?” If Kaden asked me today I would answer, “Every family is different, but your family includes all the people you love. It is all the people you choose to share your life with.” As our children grow they will come to learn my favorite quote, which ironically goes nicely with my definition! Jane Howard said, “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Boy how we do; and for some it is found within and outside of our nuclear pod. This is what I want my children to understand.
Family is as simple and complex as this!
In thinking about family I immediately think of dysfunction! I really do. But, okay, I also think of my (our) fundamental group of people. I extend my family to a lineage of friends, not just the heredity of ancestry. It is said you don’t choose your family, but I disagree. I think I have hand picked my family. Granted, those I was born into I had no say (although, I have been blessed!), but those I grow with I surely do.
In choosing Adam as my life partner I was certainly choosing family. I was not only marrying Adam I was choosing to spend my life surrounded by both the Rardin’s and the Church’s. Adam and I would not live in an isolated bubble; it was important we had a natural fit. A natural fit for not only me, but him as well. There had to be a connection shared, which ran deeper then simply between us. I felt this almost immediately.
I have this same theory with our friends. Throughout our lives people come and people go with each individual serving a special purpose. Those friends who bury themselves into my heart are family. Mom has gifted me with great women who are defiantly central to my core. They have themselves time-and-time again to lend comfort, support, wisdom, love. I have a select group I will forever be bonded. Adam has a particular core group as well. We interchangeably use the word friend and family when talking about special people.
Collectively, all of these people make up our family. We have known them for years and many beyond a time our memory allows us to remember. They were there and continue to be here.
Again, I am brought back to my question: As defined by society, when did Adam and I become a (traditional) family?
I have epiphanies all of the time. I am a thinker. I think deeply bring meaning and thoughts to ideas others may have not entertained. This is heightened as I have become a mom and became pregnant this second time. I see a splendor that moves one thought into seven degrees of separation. Of course, this happened recently, which is why I am thinking of family.
Kaden’s First Annual Pumpkin Decorating Party was Saturday. He invited all his little people (who belong to our favorite big people) to enjoy play, pumpkins, cupcakes and more play. The candles flickered behind Halloween lanterns as Halloween music played in the background. Pumpkins lined the entrance for his guests. As each came they chose their pumpkin. The fun began as children giggled demanded stickers, paint, pens and other supplies for their individual pumpkin project. They enjoyed juice and cupcakes too.
Once our friends left with their pumpkins and party gifts there was a warmth in the house. I felt a little bit happier and more in love with Adam. Kaden was an absolute doll: I remember telling him how much I like him. I do. I like him so much, which came over time from loving him. The house was in disarray, but as I looked around it was a home and not just a house.
Was it the aspect of hosting our first annual event that lent me feeling a deeper sense of family? I don’t know. I do know I have discovered we are indeed a family. I think it is something that uncovers and develops over time. It is comparable to falling in love. It happens over the course of time and without notice. A day will come when it is realized it has been this way for quite sometime.
There will come a time when our children will ask, “What is family?” If Kaden asked me today I would answer, “Every family is different, but your family includes all the people you love. It is all the people you choose to share your life with.” As our children grow they will come to learn my favorite quote, which ironically goes nicely with my definition! Jane Howard said, “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Boy how we do; and for some it is found within and outside of our nuclear pod. This is what I want my children to understand.
Family is as simple and complex as this!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Shooter
I volunteered for the shooter to give me the seasonal flu vaccine. Every other year I have opted out. However, to be the best pod for our baby it was a necessary evil. The things you do for your unborn. I don’t usually get mixed into the winter bug hype, but after last year’s head-on experience with the flu I am onboard to be vaccinated. I have also been advocating this to friends and family.
When I was admitted we learned area hospitals have a new flu season policy: only (2) two other people in the delivery room and no one under the age of 18 to be allowed in the ward. I am not sure if visitors will be allowed. If people are allowed to come after the birth (but not be present) the policy will makes no sense!
Okay, so only two helpers during labor and delivery? One word: ludicrous. How will this change my birthing experience?
When I learned of this change my thoughts instantly went to my support group. The people in my room were key to my comfort and success of natural labor. Adam relied on Mom when he needed relief and visa versa. I can only imagine it being difficult to watch and offer the ‘right’ support to a fully induced laboring woman opting for natural labor who swiftly changes her needs just as quickly as the contractions come. Towards the end there was great relief in the room when Teresa and Auntie L arrived. I think Adam and Mom needed new support for themselves and for me. When it was time to push all hands were on deck. All four (Adam, Mom, Teresa and Auntie L) team members had a job. I feel dependant on having them with me for this birth.
Having support to help me move positions, talk, laugh, wipe my tears, hold the vomit bucket, walk with me, feed me chips as I white knuckle the bed rail was all important. Having someone looking me in the eye, counting down the contractions and reminding me to breathe slowly was imperative to my natural childbirth. While this person is focused (and occasionally lying!) regarding the contraction reads someone else is getting a wash rag or updating the family.
The room had a well oiled team. I was so proud of them and so honored to feel their love. The support was central to my birth plan choice and it is again. I feel my options are being stripped. I get two freaking people! Really, only two people in that room with me? Considering that after Kaden was born our midwife gave Adam an honorary ‘doula’ title I will allow him in. It clearly has nothing to do with the fact he is the father, for this seems so old fashioned. It is kind of like birthing with out say, a team! Two people; only two people in the room will be allowed. Sigh.
Women have labored alone or with just a midwife for centuries. I know it can be done. But in a time when medicine and midwifery has evidence that support is essential to a better birthing experience support our chosen should be allowed. I can have a home birth. I am sure this would please the masses. Okay, what if each person of my team had proof of vaccination for both the seasonal flu and H1N1? Could I have my birthing party?
I am all about hope and compromise. I will keep the hope that visitors will be allowed to meet our new addition. I have no doubt I will try to compromise to have more people into my room throughout the process. I will happily line up a shooter to vaccinate my much needed team.
So, ladies, get in line.
When I was admitted we learned area hospitals have a new flu season policy: only (2) two other people in the delivery room and no one under the age of 18 to be allowed in the ward. I am not sure if visitors will be allowed. If people are allowed to come after the birth (but not be present) the policy will makes no sense!
Okay, so only two helpers during labor and delivery? One word: ludicrous. How will this change my birthing experience?
When I learned of this change my thoughts instantly went to my support group. The people in my room were key to my comfort and success of natural labor. Adam relied on Mom when he needed relief and visa versa. I can only imagine it being difficult to watch and offer the ‘right’ support to a fully induced laboring woman opting for natural labor who swiftly changes her needs just as quickly as the contractions come. Towards the end there was great relief in the room when Teresa and Auntie L arrived. I think Adam and Mom needed new support for themselves and for me. When it was time to push all hands were on deck. All four (Adam, Mom, Teresa and Auntie L) team members had a job. I feel dependant on having them with me for this birth.
Having support to help me move positions, talk, laugh, wipe my tears, hold the vomit bucket, walk with me, feed me chips as I white knuckle the bed rail was all important. Having someone looking me in the eye, counting down the contractions and reminding me to breathe slowly was imperative to my natural childbirth. While this person is focused (and occasionally lying!) regarding the contraction reads someone else is getting a wash rag or updating the family.
The room had a well oiled team. I was so proud of them and so honored to feel their love. The support was central to my birth plan choice and it is again. I feel my options are being stripped. I get two freaking people! Really, only two people in that room with me? Considering that after Kaden was born our midwife gave Adam an honorary ‘doula’ title I will allow him in. It clearly has nothing to do with the fact he is the father, for this seems so old fashioned. It is kind of like birthing with out say, a team! Two people; only two people in the room will be allowed. Sigh.
Women have labored alone or with just a midwife for centuries. I know it can be done. But in a time when medicine and midwifery has evidence that support is essential to a better birthing experience support our chosen should be allowed. I can have a home birth. I am sure this would please the masses. Okay, what if each person of my team had proof of vaccination for both the seasonal flu and H1N1? Could I have my birthing party?
I am all about hope and compromise. I will keep the hope that visitors will be allowed to meet our new addition. I have no doubt I will try to compromise to have more people into my room throughout the process. I will happily line up a shooter to vaccinate my much needed team.
So, ladies, get in line.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Little Hot Hands
There comes a time in every parent’s journey when we have to sit down with our child to discuss right from wrong explaining that there is a difference in sharing, yours and there’s. And continue in more detail that it is wrong to take what is not yours or what is not offered to you. However, how does a mom of a thirteen-month-old do this?
Seriously, I am at a total loss; Adam is at a loss. How do we explain to our son that he cannot have little hot hands?
Kaden is not the best shopper. He has a 20 minute span of time he allows for any shopping cart expedition. I think he times it from the moment he is seated and buckled… ready, set and go! Mom has exactly 20 minutes starting at this point until all shoppers and employees witness (visually and/or hear) a complete toddler melt down.
Tick-tock… we are off.
I have to gather party supplies for the upcoming First Annual Pumpkin Decorating Party, which of course Kaden has asked us to host. We love a good social so Adam and I obliged. Anyway, I have my list until it is ripped out of my hands. It is half in Kaden’s mouth while the other half floats out before the cart.
I grab my list from his mouth and try to maneuver within a very tight aisle. As I am nearing the front of the cart starting to bend over I see Kaden has set himself free. He has come out of his buckle! He is peering over the front of the cart. It is as though he is thinking of jumping overboard. I yell, “Kaden sit!” as if he is one of our dogs. “Kaden sit!” doesn’t exactly work. I finagle my way to save the day rescuing the boy who doesn’t even know he is in distress.
I am Mom of the day. I can’t take a bow, for I know I have to keep the flow. The clock is against me.
I am busy trying to make out the bleeding ink from the partially eaten list. I hear the rustling of plastic and then a soft noise on the side of the cart. Kaden is taking it upon himself to reach behind him tossing out of the basket items he doesn’t believe we need for his party. According to him, we needed to scratch: paper plates, napkins, crayons and a large plastic bowl. The large Halloween bowl was pitched several times; I finally put it on his head like a hat. It stayed there.
A fellow shopper observes the battle. At this point, I know my time is very limited and the meltdown is only minutes away. The fellow shopper hears our conversation as Kaden garbles back at me as I explain he needs to sit tight. She interrupts, “Oh, wow. Your son is much like my husband. He doesn’t think I need to purchase most of the stuff that I buy either!”
I am picking out the products as he realizes the aisles are narrow and as a bonus his arms have grown. He reaches out… voila! He is able to grab this-and-that. He looks at me with his mischievous smile and softening brown eyes as he holds tight his new found treasure… a towel. I try to remove the towel from his grasp and he begins to white knuckle it. I am bigger. I win. He cries. I walk faster.
I begin to move quicker. I am no longer shopping. As he tosses items out of the cart it feels as though I am back in our living room picking up his toys. I pick up a toy and he focuses on something he shouldn’t have i.e. the laptop or a remote. I continue to pick up packaged napkins and plates he has chucked and he grabs goods off the shelf. I confiscate the items from his dimpled hands. It is a horrible and tiring cycle.
I think the cart tossing game is his decoy to shop for himself.
Thanks to all of his game play obstacles and fake outs we are 10 minutes into shopping overtime. I head straight to the checkout. Whew! We made it to the finish line and he hasn’t started to fuss. I am safe. I unload the cart onto the belt. I pay and we leave.
Little Mr. Hot Hands was such a good little shopper!
We go home and I show Adam the party supplies. I am unpacking the bags as I share the statement from the fellow shopper. I pause. I know this isn’t ours. I didn’t buy this, did I?
I locate the receipt and scan down the items column. I surely did! I bought a package of two toothbrushes and a pack of gum. Hmmmm. I didn’t put this on the belt. Oh, wait! I left Kaden alone all the way at the other end of the cart as I was waiting to run my debit card. I left him leering at all the compulsive buys hanging on the narrow shelf at the checkout lane.
The plus is he isn’t a kleptomaniac. We have hope; we did pay for the items. Is the next step a pat down upon leaving the store? He is THIRTEEN MONTHS of age for crying out loud!
I guess he taught me the lesson of sharing, yours and there’s as best a one-year-old can. If you buy something it is yours…even if you sneak it. Funny, much like a Kleptomaniac he hasn’t remembered the items he just had to have.
I have been waiting for the day when his little hot temper allows me to complete a shopping trip without timed agility and aerobic energy. I now add to the wait for his little hot hands to refrain from ‘buying’ on his parent’s credit.
It is true, what is ours really is their's.
Seriously, I am at a total loss; Adam is at a loss. How do we explain to our son that he cannot have little hot hands?
Kaden is not the best shopper. He has a 20 minute span of time he allows for any shopping cart expedition. I think he times it from the moment he is seated and buckled… ready, set and go! Mom has exactly 20 minutes starting at this point until all shoppers and employees witness (visually and/or hear) a complete toddler melt down.
Tick-tock… we are off.
I have to gather party supplies for the upcoming First Annual Pumpkin Decorating Party, which of course Kaden has asked us to host. We love a good social so Adam and I obliged. Anyway, I have my list until it is ripped out of my hands. It is half in Kaden’s mouth while the other half floats out before the cart.
I grab my list from his mouth and try to maneuver within a very tight aisle. As I am nearing the front of the cart starting to bend over I see Kaden has set himself free. He has come out of his buckle! He is peering over the front of the cart. It is as though he is thinking of jumping overboard. I yell, “Kaden sit!” as if he is one of our dogs. “Kaden sit!” doesn’t exactly work. I finagle my way to save the day rescuing the boy who doesn’t even know he is in distress.
I am Mom of the day. I can’t take a bow, for I know I have to keep the flow. The clock is against me.
I am busy trying to make out the bleeding ink from the partially eaten list. I hear the rustling of plastic and then a soft noise on the side of the cart. Kaden is taking it upon himself to reach behind him tossing out of the basket items he doesn’t believe we need for his party. According to him, we needed to scratch: paper plates, napkins, crayons and a large plastic bowl. The large Halloween bowl was pitched several times; I finally put it on his head like a hat. It stayed there.
A fellow shopper observes the battle. At this point, I know my time is very limited and the meltdown is only minutes away. The fellow shopper hears our conversation as Kaden garbles back at me as I explain he needs to sit tight. She interrupts, “Oh, wow. Your son is much like my husband. He doesn’t think I need to purchase most of the stuff that I buy either!”
I am picking out the products as he realizes the aisles are narrow and as a bonus his arms have grown. He reaches out… voila! He is able to grab this-and-that. He looks at me with his mischievous smile and softening brown eyes as he holds tight his new found treasure… a towel. I try to remove the towel from his grasp and he begins to white knuckle it. I am bigger. I win. He cries. I walk faster.
I begin to move quicker. I am no longer shopping. As he tosses items out of the cart it feels as though I am back in our living room picking up his toys. I pick up a toy and he focuses on something he shouldn’t have i.e. the laptop or a remote. I continue to pick up packaged napkins and plates he has chucked and he grabs goods off the shelf. I confiscate the items from his dimpled hands. It is a horrible and tiring cycle.
I think the cart tossing game is his decoy to shop for himself.
Thanks to all of his game play obstacles and fake outs we are 10 minutes into shopping overtime. I head straight to the checkout. Whew! We made it to the finish line and he hasn’t started to fuss. I am safe. I unload the cart onto the belt. I pay and we leave.
Little Mr. Hot Hands was such a good little shopper!
We go home and I show Adam the party supplies. I am unpacking the bags as I share the statement from the fellow shopper. I pause. I know this isn’t ours. I didn’t buy this, did I?
I locate the receipt and scan down the items column. I surely did! I bought a package of two toothbrushes and a pack of gum. Hmmmm. I didn’t put this on the belt. Oh, wait! I left Kaden alone all the way at the other end of the cart as I was waiting to run my debit card. I left him leering at all the compulsive buys hanging on the narrow shelf at the checkout lane.
The plus is he isn’t a kleptomaniac. We have hope; we did pay for the items. Is the next step a pat down upon leaving the store? He is THIRTEEN MONTHS of age for crying out loud!
I guess he taught me the lesson of sharing, yours and there’s as best a one-year-old can. If you buy something it is yours…even if you sneak it. Funny, much like a Kleptomaniac he hasn’t remembered the items he just had to have.
I have been waiting for the day when his little hot temper allows me to complete a shopping trip without timed agility and aerobic energy. I now add to the wait for his little hot hands to refrain from ‘buying’ on his parent’s credit.
It is true, what is ours really is their's.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Dreams
There is a magic about dreams and a mass interest in learning the meaning of dreams. Is it a prediction? Is it my past? Is it a symbol? I have dreamed so vividly it was as though I was actually outside of myself returning to my body as the alarm buzzed. I rarely consider the meaning of my dreams. Sure it is interesting, but I don’t lose sleep over why the caped man sits with me on a park bench sharing a scoop of Camel Gelato while it rains in front of us and remains perfectly sunny behind the bench. I wake up and usually after an hour can barely remember the rain or the ice cream. I don’t dissect it. I chalk it up to my mind in overdrive mixing many of my day’s events into one thought.
Being pregnant takes dreams to a whole different level. It is almost as though when my eyes are shut I am hallucinating! It is an 8 hour acid trip of some very strange ideas and situations. I remember being pregnant with Kaden. I had several irrational dreams...
I gave birth to a very long blackberry bush. I decided this was preparing me for the overall length of labor and painful delivery. My favorite was one of an ultrasound. I was in a very large and sterile room with my ultrasound seen on an old television. You know the kind of televisions that have the two turn dials this was my ultrasound monitor! The tech kept changing the channel to get a better view of the baby. I learned I was having a puppy. The puppy stared right at me with its adorable white fluffy hair happy as could be. These are just two of my favorites…
It is interesting that pre or post pregnancy I typically can’t recall what I dream an hour after I am awake; however, I can recall a year and half later, very vividly, dreams I had 18 or so months ago. The brain is a mysterious sponge.
Pregnant again and the dreams have resurfaced, which keep getting better.
A few nights ago I dreamed I was trapped in an oversized IV bag hanging from the stand. I was facing the door and the fluids kept me from making any noise for visitors to save me. I just doggie paddled in the bag and with exhaustion. It was strange because as I looked down over the room with a birds-eye-view the room appeared oversized. Although, as a character in my dream, as my swimming self, I seemed tiny. What does this mean?
A few nights later the IV dream elaborated from its original version. I was in the IV bag floating in a liter of fluids holding my passport! What? I admit I have given this dream more thought. Does this suggest that once my water breaks Adam and I will no longer travel?
Last night my dream took on a script and illustration all of its own. I dreamed we are having a daughter. She comes out dressed in a beautiful lavender and purple tulle skirt with a perfectly adorable silver threaded buttoned cardigan with buttons of crystal hearts. Her toe nails are painted a pale pink. She even has a little silver bow gathering her few sprouts of hair. That’s my girl who is all dressed up for her party!
Fascinating is all I can say.
The dreams are at least entertaining to share with others. I have 19 more weeks of these deliriums; and with each dream I can’t help but wonder why pregnant women dream the suggestions we do. I know I have an active imagination and a dramatic personality, but these dreams are even over the top for me!
I wononder what the sandman has in store for me tonight...
Being pregnant takes dreams to a whole different level. It is almost as though when my eyes are shut I am hallucinating! It is an 8 hour acid trip of some very strange ideas and situations. I remember being pregnant with Kaden. I had several irrational dreams...
I gave birth to a very long blackberry bush. I decided this was preparing me for the overall length of labor and painful delivery. My favorite was one of an ultrasound. I was in a very large and sterile room with my ultrasound seen on an old television. You know the kind of televisions that have the two turn dials this was my ultrasound monitor! The tech kept changing the channel to get a better view of the baby. I learned I was having a puppy. The puppy stared right at me with its adorable white fluffy hair happy as could be. These are just two of my favorites…
It is interesting that pre or post pregnancy I typically can’t recall what I dream an hour after I am awake; however, I can recall a year and half later, very vividly, dreams I had 18 or so months ago. The brain is a mysterious sponge.
Pregnant again and the dreams have resurfaced, which keep getting better.
A few nights ago I dreamed I was trapped in an oversized IV bag hanging from the stand. I was facing the door and the fluids kept me from making any noise for visitors to save me. I just doggie paddled in the bag and with exhaustion. It was strange because as I looked down over the room with a birds-eye-view the room appeared oversized. Although, as a character in my dream, as my swimming self, I seemed tiny. What does this mean?
A few nights later the IV dream elaborated from its original version. I was in the IV bag floating in a liter of fluids holding my passport! What? I admit I have given this dream more thought. Does this suggest that once my water breaks Adam and I will no longer travel?
Last night my dream took on a script and illustration all of its own. I dreamed we are having a daughter. She comes out dressed in a beautiful lavender and purple tulle skirt with a perfectly adorable silver threaded buttoned cardigan with buttons of crystal hearts. Her toe nails are painted a pale pink. She even has a little silver bow gathering her few sprouts of hair. That’s my girl who is all dressed up for her party!
Fascinating is all I can say.
The dreams are at least entertaining to share with others. I have 19 more weeks of these deliriums; and with each dream I can’t help but wonder why pregnant women dream the suggestions we do. I know I have an active imagination and a dramatic personality, but these dreams are even over the top for me!
I wononder what the sandman has in store for me tonight...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
We Are Having A...
Thursday, October 8, 2009, we had your 20 week ultrasound. It was a long week and this was exactly what Daddy and I needed. We needed to see you, our Littlest Rardin, in all your 20 week glory!
The hardest part of the ultrasound was actually not peeing my pants. I had been given so many liters of fluids throughout the week and still I had to drink 32oz of water in completion the hour before our appointment! I thought for sure my pores were going to leak or you would burst out of my naval. The tech gelled my tummy up and started probing. I had to ask. I just had to. “Do women ever pee their pants when you began putting pressure on their abdomen to locate the cervix and bladder?” To her knowledge and to my surprise the answer was no. I was almost the first! However, she did relieve me early. She could see via the ultrasound how full my bladder was and had no worries it would quickly fill up again. I didn’t let her down. She started again and within moments my bladder was totally bulging full again!
We see both your feet and arms. Your four chamber heart beats away. Your little head is tucked under into your body as far as you can get it. It seems that you like to have your head tucked under as you bend in half. This was your position much of the ultrasound. I held back tears; This was my best medicine. Daddy asks me why I am so quite, for if you haven’t already you will learn this is abnormal. I tell him I am just watching the screen. But between you and me, I was counting my blessings over and over. There you were appearing healthy and flourishing. I was reflecting on the last few hardships and seeing you gave me a sense of peace. Thank you for this gift, little one. Thank you for thriving and staying where you need to be, which for now is right under my heart.
You were a wiggler. We could see it on the screen, but I am still not feeling you at this time. How can you be 7 inches from head to rump and I don’t feel you? Seriously, this boggled me. The answer is simple. The placenta attached itself to the anterior of my uterus. Due to the fibrous makeup it takes a bit longer to feel you swim.
The nice lady asks us to close our eyes. It is time… it is time to see between your legs. There are three (okay, 4) of us in that room and one of us knows the gender! I don’t think at 20 weeks you have this identity, do you? We all make light that she is quite the secret keeper. She doesn’t slip once after knowing. She still calls you ‘baby’. She is good...
We sit in a room with many photos of you being printed off. We know in the mix is a gender picture. She leaves the room with the photos.
Daddy and I are still not certain if we will learn of your gender before your birth. I believe in the surprise. Parents use the ‘must plan’ as the reason they find out. I think this is a copout! Obviously, parents have done fine for years and years not knowing and still planned fine. Parents should be comfortable with the decision of learning during the ultrasound owning the reason of simply just wanting to know. Our reason to wait and the reason of wanting to know are both okay!
Daddy is a bit more anxious to learn your gender. I remember the moment he shared with the waiting family when Kaden was born. He announced we had a boy. I would love for Dad to have this moment again. It is totally up to him. And I will support the decision. I have my secret hopes to wait, but you will learn love is a balance of give and take.
She returns with your photos and a white sealed envelope. On the outside of this envelope is written: And It Is A…. Inside the envelope is your gender photo and a white slip of paper. On this paper I wrote boy (Curtis Ashton) girl (Aurora Grace) and asked the tech to circle the correct gender and name. In this envelope your photo sits with your chosen name. Hope you like it!
We have the envelope hanging on the front of our fridge. It has been there a week; I still have not had an urge to open it. If we do I can’t take it back. I fear I will later regret finding out vs waiting to hear your Daddy’s announcement and meeting you in my arms.
One day you may ask why we chose to keep the results in an envelope instead of asking the midwife if we decide to know? The answer is simple. To learn if we will welcome a son or daughter into our family is an event. It should be shared by our loving family. It is not something Daddy and I want to learn in a dark room with a goopy tummy not able to completely celebrate the joy. It is not something I want to learn at the clinic without Dad. I didn’t want to tell people our joy over the phone. Kaden’s gender was a surprise and unique (not finding out at the ultrasound) to our times. We want you to have your story.
If we decide to find out what oh what you are we will invite our family to dinner. We will be surrounded by full hearts and anticipation. Daddy and I will open the envelope and he will announce if you are a boy or a girl. We will all see for the first time your gender together. If we don’t wait for your birth you too will have your own unique story.
I want your (life) story to be majestic. Your introduction plays the first act of this story. This is your beginning and so far it is so darn good. I make this promise-throughout your life I will do my best to help with your life’s beauty helping to create it unique to you according to what you will want to fill your pages. I will be honest in that I am sure I will lose sight, but only for your best interest, I am sure!
Since the ultrasound, I have felt you move (see a previous blog). Sprite, we have 19 weeks left of you and me. I can hardly believe how quickly this mark arrived. I imagine what our life will be like. I don’t romanticize a family of four with two children under two. I know there will be challenges, but in thinking of a creating a home filled of giggles, messes and silly times the challenges will be well worth the efforts. Daddy and I chose this journey and we are so excited! We can’t wait to see what unravels for our growing family. Daddy and I look forward to meeting our little person.
I feel you. I love you.
Mom
The hardest part of the ultrasound was actually not peeing my pants. I had been given so many liters of fluids throughout the week and still I had to drink 32oz of water in completion the hour before our appointment! I thought for sure my pores were going to leak or you would burst out of my naval. The tech gelled my tummy up and started probing. I had to ask. I just had to. “Do women ever pee their pants when you began putting pressure on their abdomen to locate the cervix and bladder?” To her knowledge and to my surprise the answer was no. I was almost the first! However, she did relieve me early. She could see via the ultrasound how full my bladder was and had no worries it would quickly fill up again. I didn’t let her down. She started again and within moments my bladder was totally bulging full again!
We see both your feet and arms. Your four chamber heart beats away. Your little head is tucked under into your body as far as you can get it. It seems that you like to have your head tucked under as you bend in half. This was your position much of the ultrasound. I held back tears; This was my best medicine. Daddy asks me why I am so quite, for if you haven’t already you will learn this is abnormal. I tell him I am just watching the screen. But between you and me, I was counting my blessings over and over. There you were appearing healthy and flourishing. I was reflecting on the last few hardships and seeing you gave me a sense of peace. Thank you for this gift, little one. Thank you for thriving and staying where you need to be, which for now is right under my heart.
You were a wiggler. We could see it on the screen, but I am still not feeling you at this time. How can you be 7 inches from head to rump and I don’t feel you? Seriously, this boggled me. The answer is simple. The placenta attached itself to the anterior of my uterus. Due to the fibrous makeup it takes a bit longer to feel you swim.
The nice lady asks us to close our eyes. It is time… it is time to see between your legs. There are three (okay, 4) of us in that room and one of us knows the gender! I don’t think at 20 weeks you have this identity, do you? We all make light that she is quite the secret keeper. She doesn’t slip once after knowing. She still calls you ‘baby’. She is good...
We sit in a room with many photos of you being printed off. We know in the mix is a gender picture. She leaves the room with the photos.
Daddy and I are still not certain if we will learn of your gender before your birth. I believe in the surprise. Parents use the ‘must plan’ as the reason they find out. I think this is a copout! Obviously, parents have done fine for years and years not knowing and still planned fine. Parents should be comfortable with the decision of learning during the ultrasound owning the reason of simply just wanting to know. Our reason to wait and the reason of wanting to know are both okay!
Daddy is a bit more anxious to learn your gender. I remember the moment he shared with the waiting family when Kaden was born. He announced we had a boy. I would love for Dad to have this moment again. It is totally up to him. And I will support the decision. I have my secret hopes to wait, but you will learn love is a balance of give and take.
She returns with your photos and a white sealed envelope. On the outside of this envelope is written: And It Is A…. Inside the envelope is your gender photo and a white slip of paper. On this paper I wrote boy (Curtis Ashton) girl (Aurora Grace) and asked the tech to circle the correct gender and name. In this envelope your photo sits with your chosen name. Hope you like it!
We have the envelope hanging on the front of our fridge. It has been there a week; I still have not had an urge to open it. If we do I can’t take it back. I fear I will later regret finding out vs waiting to hear your Daddy’s announcement and meeting you in my arms.
One day you may ask why we chose to keep the results in an envelope instead of asking the midwife if we decide to know? The answer is simple. To learn if we will welcome a son or daughter into our family is an event. It should be shared by our loving family. It is not something Daddy and I want to learn in a dark room with a goopy tummy not able to completely celebrate the joy. It is not something I want to learn at the clinic without Dad. I didn’t want to tell people our joy over the phone. Kaden’s gender was a surprise and unique (not finding out at the ultrasound) to our times. We want you to have your story.
If we decide to find out what oh what you are we will invite our family to dinner. We will be surrounded by full hearts and anticipation. Daddy and I will open the envelope and he will announce if you are a boy or a girl. We will all see for the first time your gender together. If we don’t wait for your birth you too will have your own unique story.
I want your (life) story to be majestic. Your introduction plays the first act of this story. This is your beginning and so far it is so darn good. I make this promise-throughout your life I will do my best to help with your life’s beauty helping to create it unique to you according to what you will want to fill your pages. I will be honest in that I am sure I will lose sight, but only for your best interest, I am sure!
Since the ultrasound, I have felt you move (see a previous blog). Sprite, we have 19 weeks left of you and me. I can hardly believe how quickly this mark arrived. I imagine what our life will be like. I don’t romanticize a family of four with two children under two. I know there will be challenges, but in thinking of a creating a home filled of giggles, messes and silly times the challenges will be well worth the efforts. Daddy and I chose this journey and we are so excited! We can’t wait to see what unravels for our growing family. Daddy and I look forward to meeting our little person.
I feel you. I love you.
Mom
It Takes a Village...
I have spent the last few days catching up to time. I have realized the time is gone, so I am wasting current time trying to get back fragments of the time I lost last week... It seems foolish to continue this cycle.
Last week was a long week. It was a sad and scary week.
When you are ill having a one-year old and an unborn it becomes difficult to make a rational decision as to what is important to do. I have to care for both of my children. I was forced to choose: If I continued my daily routine the stress could harm the baby, but if I was on bed rest who would care for our son? I ran through our ‘People List’ and everyone has a seemingly full plate and how selfish to add my issues to it. Adam I agreed that this time we had to be the selfish ones and reach out for help. Of course, we reached out to family.
Adam and I had to make the hard decision: I take care of the baby and he takes care of Kaden. PERIOD. There are two kids and two parents. It has to be done.
The week leading up to my admittance Adam worked long days and took care of Kaden as I rested upstairs. We were trying to avoid admittance. I know these days were difficult in caring for Kaden and worrying about us upstairs. Thank goodness for Curt who checked in on my boys keeping them company and bringing laughter to our son! Adam made me follow all the orders. I was under his house arrest.
Last week I was overfilled with gratitude.
I was supposed to work and without question Toni was happy to go in for me. This was a huge relief, for someone has to feed the burger hungry microbrew seeking population. I worried Mom would have to work (much past her already) longer hours due to me. In my book this was unacceptable. So, I am very appreciative to Toni for picking up those days so I could concentrate on us.
Monday, my first day of full bed rest. What a miserable day. I thought the previous week was stinky being on moderate rest. How wrong I was. I felt fine, but forced into bed and was able to get up to use the bathroom. Sex and the City Marathon it was.
Thank goodness for Lynda. She came at 9 Monday staying until 3:30. All day I heard her playing with Kaden. During the moments he was upset I was only steps away and could do nothing. It is surreal to watch someone else care for your child as you stand there doing nothing. It was emotional to tell my son I couldn’t pick him up as he is crying and reaching for me. I pass him off to someone else. It makes my stomach uneasy even a week later.
Tuesday, after nap Inz and Josh came for Kaden. One more day of full bed rest to (hopefully) stop the ailments. I can tell I am not fairing well. I feel weaker and weaker. I am surely not going to tell anyone this. I know Providence is just waiting to win this battle. And they win. I have to go in. I am not calm and Adam is at work. Perfect. What do we do with Kaden? What do I do with me? Oh gosh… I recite our mantra and remind Adam of it as well.
Keeping to our promise I went to Providence and Adam stayed behind to see Kaden and take over some necessities needed for a longer stay. Adam met me up there after the 3rd and successful IV poke, but just in time for the blood draw. I want out and do anything to be released. The medication and fluids make me feel so much better. My throat is no longer dry. My lips do not fix together like they have been glued. The cramping is lessening; I am able to hold down water. Good signs mean I go home. WOOT.
Auntie Lynda took a personal day on Wednesday to help if needed. I was optimistic. And soon, I was calling in the favors! I reverted with my ailments. I had a couple r/x’s and needed some simple foods from the market. It has to be such an inconvenience to come just for those tasks. And she did so with a smile and good conversation. I wasn’t good company, but I enjoyed having her here as I was still laid out.
Lynda leaves and I rest. I give it 8 hours and it becomes more intense.
As each of my days became harder Mom answered phone calls day and night also helping Adam with his uneasy and anxious feelings. She listened calmly as my whimpering became more difficult to understand. And no she were never “helpless” I needed her voice and it did what it was supposed to, for it reaffirmed that the hospital is where I needed to be not where I should be avoiding. Her mommy job was soon known once I had orders for my second admittance.
Mom was my chauffer, sense of calm, humor and love on this night. She held my hand during all three IV attempts. Okay, so she left to feed her hungry pains and left me alone as the IV therapist arrived to poke me. But this last round was quick and painless, so I forgave her. The 5 attempts at my blood draw were almost too much for me; I could see this in her eyes as phlebotomist repeatedly poked at me moving the needle around under the surface of my skin and had the never to call in a new poker person. Thank goodness for the nurse and midwife who even said enough is enough and I couldn’t take this anymore. And bam, the blood was taken. I was continuously calmed by Mom’s tender touch and conversations. She was a definite help to me.
Adam came later sitting in the lobby for most of the ‘fun’. The room was buzzing with too many people. I was starting to feel like a lab rat wanting it over vs. waiting for someone to enter the room so we could resume. He waited patiently to see us. I was relieved to tell him the dilation had stopped. We cried. He stayed until I began to fall asleep. He wanted to sleep in the room, but we have our mantra. I would see him in the morning.
The Church’s oh the Church’s. I am constantly telling Adam how lucky he (we) are to have the grandparent’s he (we) do. They came on Tuesday to take Mister for the day. They didn’t know they would have him through Thursday afternoon. SURPRISE! Between grandma, grandpa and Josh’s treatment I am sure Kaden felt like he was at Summer Camp. Kaden had long sleepless nights of being off schedule and in a different crib. Josh and Inez took turns caring for him through these hard nights and never have they grumbled. They helped to eliminate the anxiety of Kaden’s care so we could focus on my care. Grandma made us a couple homemade dinners and filled the freezer with quick dinner options. How awesome! What a gift to give after having our child for three days. I didn’t have to worry about the lack of groceries in the cupboard or if Adam was eating. He tends to not eat during times of stress.
Come to find out Great Grandma Rardin called NINE times to check on our status. When she couldn’t get Adam called Curt and the Church’s to ask about, “Our girl,” which is touching. We received so many wishes and blessings during the week. Our little family is surely wrapped in love.
It was several solid days of worry and concern. Today, we are doing well. My brusing has almost disappeared. I can hold Kaden without tender wrists or cramping. Life is moving forward while we PATIENTLY wait out the fullterm birth of Littlest Rardin.
It takes a village to raise a child. It does.
Over the last year I tweaked this proverb: “It takes a village to raise a new Mom.”
I am tweaking it again: “It takes a village to raise a family.”
My family is grateful for all the love, support and prayers sent our way from our village.
Last week was a long week. It was a sad and scary week.
When you are ill having a one-year old and an unborn it becomes difficult to make a rational decision as to what is important to do. I have to care for both of my children. I was forced to choose: If I continued my daily routine the stress could harm the baby, but if I was on bed rest who would care for our son? I ran through our ‘People List’ and everyone has a seemingly full plate and how selfish to add my issues to it. Adam I agreed that this time we had to be the selfish ones and reach out for help. Of course, we reached out to family.
Adam and I had to make the hard decision: I take care of the baby and he takes care of Kaden. PERIOD. There are two kids and two parents. It has to be done.
The week leading up to my admittance Adam worked long days and took care of Kaden as I rested upstairs. We were trying to avoid admittance. I know these days were difficult in caring for Kaden and worrying about us upstairs. Thank goodness for Curt who checked in on my boys keeping them company and bringing laughter to our son! Adam made me follow all the orders. I was under his house arrest.
Last week I was overfilled with gratitude.
I was supposed to work and without question Toni was happy to go in for me. This was a huge relief, for someone has to feed the burger hungry microbrew seeking population. I worried Mom would have to work (much past her already) longer hours due to me. In my book this was unacceptable. So, I am very appreciative to Toni for picking up those days so I could concentrate on us.
Monday, my first day of full bed rest. What a miserable day. I thought the previous week was stinky being on moderate rest. How wrong I was. I felt fine, but forced into bed and was able to get up to use the bathroom. Sex and the City Marathon it was.
Thank goodness for Lynda. She came at 9 Monday staying until 3:30. All day I heard her playing with Kaden. During the moments he was upset I was only steps away and could do nothing. It is surreal to watch someone else care for your child as you stand there doing nothing. It was emotional to tell my son I couldn’t pick him up as he is crying and reaching for me. I pass him off to someone else. It makes my stomach uneasy even a week later.
Tuesday, after nap Inz and Josh came for Kaden. One more day of full bed rest to (hopefully) stop the ailments. I can tell I am not fairing well. I feel weaker and weaker. I am surely not going to tell anyone this. I know Providence is just waiting to win this battle. And they win. I have to go in. I am not calm and Adam is at work. Perfect. What do we do with Kaden? What do I do with me? Oh gosh… I recite our mantra and remind Adam of it as well.
Keeping to our promise I went to Providence and Adam stayed behind to see Kaden and take over some necessities needed for a longer stay. Adam met me up there after the 3rd and successful IV poke, but just in time for the blood draw. I want out and do anything to be released. The medication and fluids make me feel so much better. My throat is no longer dry. My lips do not fix together like they have been glued. The cramping is lessening; I am able to hold down water. Good signs mean I go home. WOOT.
Auntie Lynda took a personal day on Wednesday to help if needed. I was optimistic. And soon, I was calling in the favors! I reverted with my ailments. I had a couple r/x’s and needed some simple foods from the market. It has to be such an inconvenience to come just for those tasks. And she did so with a smile and good conversation. I wasn’t good company, but I enjoyed having her here as I was still laid out.
Lynda leaves and I rest. I give it 8 hours and it becomes more intense.
As each of my days became harder Mom answered phone calls day and night also helping Adam with his uneasy and anxious feelings. She listened calmly as my whimpering became more difficult to understand. And no she were never “helpless” I needed her voice and it did what it was supposed to, for it reaffirmed that the hospital is where I needed to be not where I should be avoiding. Her mommy job was soon known once I had orders for my second admittance.
Mom was my chauffer, sense of calm, humor and love on this night. She held my hand during all three IV attempts. Okay, so she left to feed her hungry pains and left me alone as the IV therapist arrived to poke me. But this last round was quick and painless, so I forgave her. The 5 attempts at my blood draw were almost too much for me; I could see this in her eyes as phlebotomist repeatedly poked at me moving the needle around under the surface of my skin and had the never to call in a new poker person. Thank goodness for the nurse and midwife who even said enough is enough and I couldn’t take this anymore. And bam, the blood was taken. I was continuously calmed by Mom’s tender touch and conversations. She was a definite help to me.
Adam came later sitting in the lobby for most of the ‘fun’. The room was buzzing with too many people. I was starting to feel like a lab rat wanting it over vs. waiting for someone to enter the room so we could resume. He waited patiently to see us. I was relieved to tell him the dilation had stopped. We cried. He stayed until I began to fall asleep. He wanted to sleep in the room, but we have our mantra. I would see him in the morning.
The Church’s oh the Church’s. I am constantly telling Adam how lucky he (we) are to have the grandparent’s he (we) do. They came on Tuesday to take Mister for the day. They didn’t know they would have him through Thursday afternoon. SURPRISE! Between grandma, grandpa and Josh’s treatment I am sure Kaden felt like he was at Summer Camp. Kaden had long sleepless nights of being off schedule and in a different crib. Josh and Inez took turns caring for him through these hard nights and never have they grumbled. They helped to eliminate the anxiety of Kaden’s care so we could focus on my care. Grandma made us a couple homemade dinners and filled the freezer with quick dinner options. How awesome! What a gift to give after having our child for three days. I didn’t have to worry about the lack of groceries in the cupboard or if Adam was eating. He tends to not eat during times of stress.
Come to find out Great Grandma Rardin called NINE times to check on our status. When she couldn’t get Adam called Curt and the Church’s to ask about, “Our girl,” which is touching. We received so many wishes and blessings during the week. Our little family is surely wrapped in love.
It was several solid days of worry and concern. Today, we are doing well. My brusing has almost disappeared. I can hold Kaden without tender wrists or cramping. Life is moving forward while we PATIENTLY wait out the fullterm birth of Littlest Rardin.
It takes a village to raise a child. It does.
Over the last year I tweaked this proverb: “It takes a village to raise a new Mom.”
I am tweaking it again: “It takes a village to raise a family.”
My family is grateful for all the love, support and prayers sent our way from our village.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Butterflies
I was wrapping up my evening and as I was getting up I felt a butterfly. I felt the sweet flutter of our unborn child! This extraordinary first can’t be explained. It is shared only by women who have felt this flurry. As expectant Mom’s we try to give illustrations as to this feeling. Frankly, I don’t think the examples come close.
I am so happy to finally feel the Sprite!
I am the first to admit: I do not find pregnancy and delivery beautiful. It could be my track record, but I just don’t. I never have. However, I do find joy in its newness. I have a different appreciation this ‘round’. When I know I will not experience an event or occasion again I have a different perspective and appreciation. We do not plan to have any more biological children. So, all these flutters and flurries are cherished just that bit more.
As I feel Littlest Rardin move I realize it is something only the two of us share. It is our secret. When I was pregnant with Kaden I couldn’t wait for Adam to feel his kicks and somersaults. This time I am being selfish; I delight knowing this is our moment. Life is chaotic right now. The Sprite’s flutters will be a great reminder for me to slow down and enjoy these long days.
I cannot feel Littlest Rardin’s moves externally, but each internal move has forever imprinted my heart. It is exactly 20 weeks to the day. I think this week Mom said it best, “Thank God for Mud Pies and Butterflies.”
Amen.
I am so happy to finally feel the Sprite!
I am the first to admit: I do not find pregnancy and delivery beautiful. It could be my track record, but I just don’t. I never have. However, I do find joy in its newness. I have a different appreciation this ‘round’. When I know I will not experience an event or occasion again I have a different perspective and appreciation. We do not plan to have any more biological children. So, all these flutters and flurries are cherished just that bit more.
As I feel Littlest Rardin move I realize it is something only the two of us share. It is our secret. When I was pregnant with Kaden I couldn’t wait for Adam to feel his kicks and somersaults. This time I am being selfish; I delight knowing this is our moment. Life is chaotic right now. The Sprite’s flutters will be a great reminder for me to slow down and enjoy these long days.
I cannot feel Littlest Rardin’s moves externally, but each internal move has forever imprinted my heart. It is exactly 20 weeks to the day. I think this week Mom said it best, “Thank God for Mud Pies and Butterflies.”
Amen.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What Makes ME Happy
A seasonal bouquet of flowers for no reason
My son’s laughter
Hearing the sprite’s heartbeat
Taste of fresh hot jam
Family days
My Dyson vacuum
The smell of rain on warm pavement
A chat over coffee with my Mom
My husband opening my doors (car, home and public) every day
A day of exploration with Auntie L
The first signs of vegetables in my garden
A date night thought out and planned by my husband
Family dinners with Adam’s (our) entire family
Warm sand on my feet
A long uninterrupted visit with my girlfriends
Definite change of the season
Planning surprises
Hosting parties and dinners
Baking a new dessert
Enjoying the dessert so much I bake it again
The color purple
A hug that lasts a little longer than the usual
Children sharing knock-knock jokes
Reading a child’s book
Uploading pictures off of our camera
Pumpkin Spice and Gingerbread Latte’s from Mocha Express
Tulle skirts on little girls
Weddings
Homemade pizza
Dancing in my kitchen
Chocolate Cake… triple layered chocolate cake
Gelato
Double Margaritas on the rocks, no salt with a splash of OJ and Amaretto on the side
Crisp white wine on a warm afternoon
Sharing a glass of Shiraz in candle light and talking late in the night
Sunday morning breakfasts
Showers before 9:00
Uninterrupted sleep
Flip flops
Getting Kaden up for his day or from a nap… when he is smiling
A new dress
Pedicures
A new haircut style
Writing
Gift giving shopping
Candles lighting our home
Festival of December
Witnessing and experiencing the goodness of people
Papa’s Bean Dip
Freshly washed sheets on the bed
Hot chocolate
A text from Binks
Our cards from the Cowan’s
Lengthy texting conversations across time zones
As I write this, I have learned so very much brings me happiness…
There are days we need to be reminded in the simple happiness’s of our daily life. I had not realized how many there were in my life. I quit typing out the list, which was quickly taking on a life all its own. Let me be honest, as Domestic Goddess and Loving Mother I put my happiness towards the bottom of the list. Writing this list serves as a great reminder bringing ME back to the forefront, even if for only a few minutes. In starting the list I smiled and the smile grew as did the list. As I smiled I admit that I closed my eyes imagining I was experiencing some of these gifts. I was able to hear Kaden’s laugh even though he is not with me. I saw our family sitting around the Church’s dinner table. I smelt a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I felt warmth in my the summer sand as I wiggled my feet. I laughed at a recent knock-knock joke. I reflected on our favorite children’s book. I looked out the window in thinking about my time zone friends. All in all, it opened a flood gate of 'feel goods' in writing a silly and simple happiness list.
I hope my children know what makes them happy taking nothing for granted. I am not naïve. I know this is something learned over time and it is learned through teaching. I believe this lesson has great value in not only becoming a grateful human being, but knowing who they are as individuals. As their mother, I promise to do my best to instill appreciation in nature, family and every day kindnesses. I am not religious, but I am spiritual. I think to know ourselves we must know what makes us ‘tick’ able to recognize what forms our inner core. May my children realize happiness is found all around them; and it is their responsibility to take time (schedule it if needed) to smell their own roses even picking a few for their lasting enjoyment.
My son’s laughter
Hearing the sprite’s heartbeat
Taste of fresh hot jam
Family days
My Dyson vacuum
The smell of rain on warm pavement
A chat over coffee with my Mom
My husband opening my doors (car, home and public) every day
A day of exploration with Auntie L
The first signs of vegetables in my garden
A date night thought out and planned by my husband
Family dinners with Adam’s (our) entire family
Warm sand on my feet
A long uninterrupted visit with my girlfriends
Definite change of the season
Planning surprises
Hosting parties and dinners
Baking a new dessert
Enjoying the dessert so much I bake it again
The color purple
A hug that lasts a little longer than the usual
Children sharing knock-knock jokes
Reading a child’s book
Uploading pictures off of our camera
Pumpkin Spice and Gingerbread Latte’s from Mocha Express
Tulle skirts on little girls
Weddings
Homemade pizza
Dancing in my kitchen
Chocolate Cake… triple layered chocolate cake
Gelato
Double Margaritas on the rocks, no salt with a splash of OJ and Amaretto on the side
Crisp white wine on a warm afternoon
Sharing a glass of Shiraz in candle light and talking late in the night
Sunday morning breakfasts
Showers before 9:00
Uninterrupted sleep
Flip flops
Getting Kaden up for his day or from a nap… when he is smiling
A new dress
Pedicures
A new haircut style
Writing
Gift giving shopping
Candles lighting our home
Festival of December
Witnessing and experiencing the goodness of people
Papa’s Bean Dip
Freshly washed sheets on the bed
Hot chocolate
A text from Binks
Our cards from the Cowan’s
Lengthy texting conversations across time zones
As I write this, I have learned so very much brings me happiness…
There are days we need to be reminded in the simple happiness’s of our daily life. I had not realized how many there were in my life. I quit typing out the list, which was quickly taking on a life all its own. Let me be honest, as Domestic Goddess and Loving Mother I put my happiness towards the bottom of the list. Writing this list serves as a great reminder bringing ME back to the forefront, even if for only a few minutes. In starting the list I smiled and the smile grew as did the list. As I smiled I admit that I closed my eyes imagining I was experiencing some of these gifts. I was able to hear Kaden’s laugh even though he is not with me. I saw our family sitting around the Church’s dinner table. I smelt a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I felt warmth in my the summer sand as I wiggled my feet. I laughed at a recent knock-knock joke. I reflected on our favorite children’s book. I looked out the window in thinking about my time zone friends. All in all, it opened a flood gate of 'feel goods' in writing a silly and simple happiness list.
I hope my children know what makes them happy taking nothing for granted. I am not naïve. I know this is something learned over time and it is learned through teaching. I believe this lesson has great value in not only becoming a grateful human being, but knowing who they are as individuals. As their mother, I promise to do my best to instill appreciation in nature, family and every day kindnesses. I am not religious, but I am spiritual. I think to know ourselves we must know what makes us ‘tick’ able to recognize what forms our inner core. May my children realize happiness is found all around them; and it is their responsibility to take time (schedule it if needed) to smell their own roses even picking a few for their lasting enjoyment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)