ICE: Pregnancy brings on strange cravings. Mine happens to be ice. I crave ice night and day. I will eat it by the bowl full throughout the day. Adam has recently expressed his annoyance with the cracking and crunching of my binges. I can’t help it. I want this frozen watery goodness… The best I can do to make a association is when I smoked. The craving for a cigarette with the first drink of my cocktail is similar to me enjoying ice the minute I wake and moments before bed. If I don’t have it I think about it, no, I obsess over it. It beats soap, coffee grounds, dirt or something far stranger.
What I have learned is it is actually a ‘pica’. It is my iron deficiency that brings me to the ice bin! What? It doesn’t supplement my low iron, but for whatever reason ice is what iron deficient pregnant women naturally turn to and will chomp until the deficiency is tricked into being met. I am two points below a comfortable level of iron. It finally makes sense. Sorry Adam, you will have to live with the annoyance- I have a ‘medical reason’.
I am enjoying my simple pleasure as I type…
TUMS: Who invented this chalky little party favor? I hope whoever they won (or at least was nominated for) that particular years Chemist Nobel Prize. It is like four magic NECCO candies that erase all that disagrees with my intolerant pregnant innards. I am 31 years old and have four large TUM containers in miscellaneous places: car, bedside table, kitchen and diaper bag. Pre-pregnancy I thought (forgive me) that only the elderly carried rolls of these magic wafers; I have hundreds at an arms reach any where and every where.
Bravo TUMS person! Bravo! You allow me to eat… Wait. I should be upset that you have allowed me to gain these 20lbs!
BODY BUTTER: Lather me up- I feel like I am going to crack! This second skin keeps me from itching my skin off right to the bone. I don’t know how I can have dry skin (remember, I have ‘pica’ with ice). The key is using butter vs lotion. It is thicker and creamier. As I put it all over this massively growing body I may feel like a fat-butterball-greased-up-pig, but soon I glow and feel like a million bucks.
I think this is a product that should grace every ladies closet across America (pregnant or not) of course only as the accompaniment to a good sugar scrub.
TOOTH BRUSH: I was unaware until my pregnancy with Kaden that my gums would bleed and throb. I guess when warned that all of you will be uncomfortable it is no wives tale. It still seems strange that pregnancy effects the gums. I heart my toothbrush. It gives me great relief several times a day. It is as if I have my own gum masseuse.
It is my second, no my fourth love, behind Adam, Kaden and ice.
SHOWER: I wish I had the shower on my survival list because it was my retreat. It isn’t. As I scrub down I have a 16 month old who brings me treasures. He likes to jump in pjs and all giving me the element of surprise. I have to keep us in lock down with both doors closed. The bathroom quickly becomes a sauna, which is another no-no for the pregnant. It forces me to have a Jane Fonda cardio workout willing or not. The shower is now an experience of timed agility to beat Kaden’s clock.
The shower made my list because of the relief it offers my back. The heat and pressure is like a drug. I need it. I crave it at the beginning and end of my night. The water can’t be hot enough and the pulse is never sufficient. I dream of the day I can take a shower for me instead, but for now it is to feed the addiction. And I am okay with this…
CELL PHONE: My cell phone makes the list for a reason other than its common universal purpose. Adam and I both agree this tool allows moments to be shared, sure to communicate, but not verbally. I am constantly sending Adam pictures of Kaden throughout our shared days. When Kaden is doing something for the first time I capture it on video. If he is posing and being his typical funny self I click a quick photo. In an instant Adam is sharing in this memory too. It is a blessing that keeps Adam connected to our day as he works.
I hear people say the cell phone, Blackberry and iphone that due to all the texting and instant internet use have caused communication breakdown within society. I understand this. I follow this viewpoint. On the flipside, the device has presented our family the opportunity to remain connected in a unique fashion. We are never far apart in what we are experiencing. All the firsts throughout this pregnancy as well as the complaints were filed directly to Adam. And in a minute he knew what was happening with us in our home. This tool can be abused, but it is an amazing gift as well.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
BEST PART OF PREGNANCY
Today I had my 34 week appointment. It was probably the most thought provoking appointment to date. It felt more like a council. I saw Patty today. She happens to be one of my favorite midwives. And today she asked me a question that took me back: What is the best part of pregnancy?
This had me sit for a minute. I really pondered the answer. I didn’t know if I should say what came to mind: my free crabby pass. I had several witty replies, but held back. In these seconds my mind experienced a tailspin as it tried to make out the different thoughts blurring in my memory. I have tricky pregnancies, so I didn’t want to answer the way I felt: Nothing. I wanted to give this reasonable question a fair answer.
And through all the whirling it came to me just as sharp as a contraction. I answered, “Honesty! Honesty is the best part of being pregnant.” And with a tilted head Patty looked at me and asked me to continue…
I explained that in pregnancy I have established my ground. I have found comfort ability in truth that I had never known; it is ten-fold with my second pregnancy. I have conversations with my husband that I would not have come so easily (for either of us). I understand my body no longer being shy to share this-and-that happening. I ‘get’ that I may never wear a bikini again, but I have two children in its place. It is what it is. I am more real about needs vs. wants. I am honest about give and take. I am far more at ease with my choices.
Patty smiled sharing I had answered a 20 year question with the single most distinctive answer she had ever received. She came over to me and brushed my arm stopping at my wrist giving it a little squeeze and repeated my answer, “Honesty. I really like that.”
It is interesting that at the end of the road we don’t even realize our journey. The average pregnancy is 40 weeks with a goal to have an uncomplicated pregnancy giving birth to a healthy baby. How many women become conscious that there is far more then baby planning and wise choices? It is far deeper.
The best part of pregnancy is it led me to a new definition of honesty and within this I found myself. Granted, throughout life there will be more to explore and to open up within me, but this has been a true milestone in my personal life journey. It continues to boggle me how it appears there is no correlation between ideas/experiences and yet there is a power merging the two; and we don’t even recognize the link.
This had me sit for a minute. I really pondered the answer. I didn’t know if I should say what came to mind: my free crabby pass. I had several witty replies, but held back. In these seconds my mind experienced a tailspin as it tried to make out the different thoughts blurring in my memory. I have tricky pregnancies, so I didn’t want to answer the way I felt: Nothing. I wanted to give this reasonable question a fair answer.
And through all the whirling it came to me just as sharp as a contraction. I answered, “Honesty! Honesty is the best part of being pregnant.” And with a tilted head Patty looked at me and asked me to continue…
I explained that in pregnancy I have established my ground. I have found comfort ability in truth that I had never known; it is ten-fold with my second pregnancy. I have conversations with my husband that I would not have come so easily (for either of us). I understand my body no longer being shy to share this-and-that happening. I ‘get’ that I may never wear a bikini again, but I have two children in its place. It is what it is. I am more real about needs vs. wants. I am honest about give and take. I am far more at ease with my choices.
Patty smiled sharing I had answered a 20 year question with the single most distinctive answer she had ever received. She came over to me and brushed my arm stopping at my wrist giving it a little squeeze and repeated my answer, “Honesty. I really like that.”
It is interesting that at the end of the road we don’t even realize our journey. The average pregnancy is 40 weeks with a goal to have an uncomplicated pregnancy giving birth to a healthy baby. How many women become conscious that there is far more then baby planning and wise choices? It is far deeper.
The best part of pregnancy is it led me to a new definition of honesty and within this I found myself. Granted, throughout life there will be more to explore and to open up within me, but this has been a true milestone in my personal life journey. It continues to boggle me how it appears there is no correlation between ideas/experiences and yet there is a power merging the two; and we don’t even recognize the link.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
DREAMS
Sleep. What a treat. It seems like it was so long ago since I enjoyed a long restful peaceful sleep. I am deprived. When I do sleep I am experiencing those ‘dreams’. Pregnancy dreams are by far the strangest and at times creepiest thoughts! When I was pregnant with Kaden I experienced these dreams, but this go round they are just plain odd.
I can remember two of my pregnancy dreams while pregnant with Kaden. The first was an ultrasound. As the tech was flipping through the TV to find the right picture of the baby it was brought to my attention that I was having several babies. Right there on the television with rabbit ears (antenna) and the two dials down the wood paneling was a full color image of a litter of adorable white fluffy puppies and one baby. Try to decipher that one… The second was delivering the rose bush with all the thorns. As soon as I woke up I knew the warning: labor and delivery would burn, hurt and tear. I was right (about the rose bush not abut the puppies!)
I have had several different dreams through this pregnancy. As I think about these dreams I sit shaking my head.
Dream 1- Adam and I were proud parents of an African American baby. I am not a racist and yet my imagination took this small child and gave shim very stereotypical facial features which were overly exaggerated. Adam was the father I was not the mother even though I did give birth to this child. Science really is a mystery…
Dream 2- This dream is beginning to leave my memory bank. I do recall that we had a Tyrannosaurus Rex. ‘Rex’ measured in at 36 inches- yes, three feet! It was odd enough I had a dinosaur, but my imagination took it further. Rex was a skeletal structure of bones and internal organs. It lay flat as if there were only one side its structure. There was nothing else. I held “Rex” with both hands open as you would a delicate butterfly in the palm of your hands. I watched its heart pump. We were told to be careful and Rex would thrive. We left and took our ‘Rex’. I woke up disturbed after this dream!
Dream 3- This one was short and simple. I bought both Auntie L and myself silver Vespas. On the back I had car seats installed. This sounds safe! Call CSD right now.
Dream 4- This is my most recent dream… I went into preterm labor. We were told to go to Willamette Falls Hospital (WFH) in Oregon City. In my real life I have a bitter opinion about this institution making a conscious choice not to seek any health care there including maternity. Moving forward with the dream… I was in preterm labor (current time was 32 weeks) and told to go to Willamette Falls immediately. We drove the 10 minute drive to the top of the hill. We were admitted and taken to a cancer center. It must be noted: Willamette Falls is a small facility, which doesn’t have this center. I am rolled to the center on a gurney. I explain I am in labor- I do not need an oncologist. The nurse explains that space is limited. As I have such a distaste for WFH I buy what she is saying and begin screaming at the top of my lungs back to Adam. “Babe, this is exactly why we should not have come here….” I continue swearing and saying that this is of no surprise for a hospital with this and that issue. I am out of control at this point. Imagine me being out of control…
We have the baby and we are taken to a room that appears to be 900 sf in size. It is stark white and huge. The room is as sterile and white as an old psychiatric ward from the movies where the bed sits in the middle of a room with white walls and tile floor. In the middle of the room, on the bed, is a cancer patient. She just sits there and looks at me. She never talks. She is in her last stages of life very frail and without hair. Her head is tiny. There is no one and nothing else in this room, but a storage door and my bed along the wall.
Adam is told there is no room for him to stay in this room. If he would like he may stay in the storage closet with the cleaning supplies and such. The nurse happily brings him a cot and blanket. He stays in there. As the days pass I am receiving random furniture deliveries. Adam put together this gigantic IKEA wall shelf/storage unit. FedEx kept bringing in boxes and boxes all filled with my belongings.
The dream ends. I have never seen my baby. Actually, the baby was not the focus of the dream. I am still trying to figure out what was the center other than throughout I kept referring to WFH incompetence.
I have no idea why I dream what I do. I don’t think the hormones are to blame, so I turn to late night TV. I must hear what is on and incorporate this into my subconscious. At any rate, these dreams have brought great entertainment to my mornings as I share over the phone with family and friends. If nothing else a good laugh to start the day is keeps me sane on these long sleepy days!
I can remember two of my pregnancy dreams while pregnant with Kaden. The first was an ultrasound. As the tech was flipping through the TV to find the right picture of the baby it was brought to my attention that I was having several babies. Right there on the television with rabbit ears (antenna) and the two dials down the wood paneling was a full color image of a litter of adorable white fluffy puppies and one baby. Try to decipher that one… The second was delivering the rose bush with all the thorns. As soon as I woke up I knew the warning: labor and delivery would burn, hurt and tear. I was right (about the rose bush not abut the puppies!)
I have had several different dreams through this pregnancy. As I think about these dreams I sit shaking my head.
Dream 1- Adam and I were proud parents of an African American baby. I am not a racist and yet my imagination took this small child and gave shim very stereotypical facial features which were overly exaggerated. Adam was the father I was not the mother even though I did give birth to this child. Science really is a mystery…
Dream 2- This dream is beginning to leave my memory bank. I do recall that we had a Tyrannosaurus Rex. ‘Rex’ measured in at 36 inches- yes, three feet! It was odd enough I had a dinosaur, but my imagination took it further. Rex was a skeletal structure of bones and internal organs. It lay flat as if there were only one side its structure. There was nothing else. I held “Rex” with both hands open as you would a delicate butterfly in the palm of your hands. I watched its heart pump. We were told to be careful and Rex would thrive. We left and took our ‘Rex’. I woke up disturbed after this dream!
Dream 3- This one was short and simple. I bought both Auntie L and myself silver Vespas. On the back I had car seats installed. This sounds safe! Call CSD right now.
Dream 4- This is my most recent dream… I went into preterm labor. We were told to go to Willamette Falls Hospital (WFH) in Oregon City. In my real life I have a bitter opinion about this institution making a conscious choice not to seek any health care there including maternity. Moving forward with the dream… I was in preterm labor (current time was 32 weeks) and told to go to Willamette Falls immediately. We drove the 10 minute drive to the top of the hill. We were admitted and taken to a cancer center. It must be noted: Willamette Falls is a small facility, which doesn’t have this center. I am rolled to the center on a gurney. I explain I am in labor- I do not need an oncologist. The nurse explains that space is limited. As I have such a distaste for WFH I buy what she is saying and begin screaming at the top of my lungs back to Adam. “Babe, this is exactly why we should not have come here….” I continue swearing and saying that this is of no surprise for a hospital with this and that issue. I am out of control at this point. Imagine me being out of control…
We have the baby and we are taken to a room that appears to be 900 sf in size. It is stark white and huge. The room is as sterile and white as an old psychiatric ward from the movies where the bed sits in the middle of a room with white walls and tile floor. In the middle of the room, on the bed, is a cancer patient. She just sits there and looks at me. She never talks. She is in her last stages of life very frail and without hair. Her head is tiny. There is no one and nothing else in this room, but a storage door and my bed along the wall.
Adam is told there is no room for him to stay in this room. If he would like he may stay in the storage closet with the cleaning supplies and such. The nurse happily brings him a cot and blanket. He stays in there. As the days pass I am receiving random furniture deliveries. Adam put together this gigantic IKEA wall shelf/storage unit. FedEx kept bringing in boxes and boxes all filled with my belongings.
The dream ends. I have never seen my baby. Actually, the baby was not the focus of the dream. I am still trying to figure out what was the center other than throughout I kept referring to WFH incompetence.
I have no idea why I dream what I do. I don’t think the hormones are to blame, so I turn to late night TV. I must hear what is on and incorporate this into my subconscious. At any rate, these dreams have brought great entertainment to my mornings as I share over the phone with family and friends. If nothing else a good laugh to start the day is keeps me sane on these long sleepy days!
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