I woke up feeling especially exhausted and unable to walk without the help of others. I had digressed from yesterday. I felt weak and fuzzy. Throughout the morning it became more intense. I began questioning how I was feeling to the nurse on duty.
I was assured it was my body healing from giving birth. There are a small number of women who after giving birth have this ‘reaction’. Go figure… it is happening to me.
I am having a difficult time staying awake. I am not acknowledging company in our room. This can’t be normal. Can it? I am an advocate to trust your body. I am in serious question as to what is happening to me. It doesn’t feel right physically or mentally.
The nurses have a shift change; and I explain to my new nurse how I am feeling. She takes my blood pressure. It is dangerously low. She begins looking through my electronic file. “Did they not draw your blood because you didn’t have an IV due to giving natural child birth?” She asks. I correct her, “I did to have my blood drawn!” She keeps typing and slowly the keys are being tapped with more purpose. She finds nothing. My draw had been lost; it was never tested. Go figure…
They call up a tech to draw my blood. My blood pressure is dropping.
It doesn’t take long and Lisa, the midwife, enters our room. She explains that my red cells are very low. She recommends a blood transfusion. I quickly learn it is not a recommendation, but a critical need. I will need to have two units of blood. A normal count is 12. A transfusion is ordered at a count of 7. My count was 5.5. They begin asking if I am anemic or had any abnormal blood loss after delivery. I am becoming uneasy. Why are they asking me these questions? All I can say is not to my knowledge. I am thinking that I am supposed to trust these ‘professionals’ to proceed in with my blood transfusion yet they cannot answer these simple questions? Good Lord. Do they not have my chart?
Lisa explains the procedure of a blood transfusion. I feel my heart beating outside of my chest. My anxiety is growing in intensity. I look at Adam’s face and notice his loss of color. Mom is rocking Ashton. She will not look up. She is trying her best to make this situation nonchalant. However, I can sense it is anything but casual. This is a big deal! Lisa shares that after receiving the transfusion my body will need an additional 90 days to rebuild its red blood cells. If we opt not to do the transfusion I may continue to drop with the best case scenario it taking my body 120 days to have a normal count. During this time I will continue to feel weak as I do today.
There is no choice. Hook me up.
I admit to being scared. The words: blood transfusion overwhelms me. Blood is creepy. It can be frightening to see it come out of the body. It terrifies me to think of blood (someone else’s) reenter my body. The word transfusion is an intimidating word on its own. It is a word that stops people mid-sentence immediately getting attention whether it is for curiosity, fright, shock or whatever the word gets people’s interest. The truth is much can go wrong. In deeper truth as I think about my track record I begin to panic, for whatever can go wrong will go wrong during this procedure. We call off all visitors. I can’t ‘entertain’ during this private time. The transfusion will take eight hours.
Two nurses enter with my designer blood. One nurse grabs my wrist and reads my information allowed to another nurse who is holding my new blood. She reads, “Nicole n-i-c-o-l-e Rardin r-a-r-d-i-n. ID Number 8019872. Date of birth August 11, 1978. Exchange.” The next nurse reads my band, “Nicole n-i-c-o-l-e Rardin r-a-r-d-i-n. ID Number 8019872. Date of birth August 11, 1978.” They then match the bag to my electronic chart. It is the checks and balance system to ensure I receive the right blood. I make light of this in hopes to lighten the air. They are serious and mean business. The head nurse explains that a transfusion is one of the more serious procedures and the checks and balances for staff to take transfusion blood for a patient are stern. It seems all systems are a go.
She begins flushing my IV. I begin to hear, “If the IV area reddens itches or begins to bubble call immediately. If your vision becomes spotty or chest heavy push the call button…” I interrupt, “Chest heavy?” I had missed hearing the beginning of her instructions. She was listing side effects. Ironically, a vein is supposed to carry blood, however it may reject blood. To hear this makes me more uncomfortable. She continues, “The reaction will take place within the first 15 minutes of your receipt of the blood.”
She begins the transfusion. I feel faint. I am going to vomit. The blood is on a slow drip. It is entering my hand and being introduced to my body.
My mind has countless thoughts swirling about. Mainly I cannot overcome the thought that someone else’s blood is now in my body. I have strangers blood circulating my insides. It is creeping me out; and I begin to feel (thanks to my imagination) the blood thicken. My chest is heavy as though a ton of bricks has been thrown on top of my heart. Of course these symptoms are self induced to my active imagination. All is well. We are on the road to receiving and accepting the first unit. I am starting to breathe easier. I rest well.
The second unit is delivered 4 hours later at 8pm. Two nurses repeat the procedure of matching my band, chart and me to the bag. The nurse goes over the side effects. I jokingly tell her that if I begin to feel anything different then I do right now I plan to push the call button. She smiles. She begins the flush followed by the transfusion. Again, I have countless thoughts swirling about. Mainly I cannot overcome the thought that someone else has given their blood to save my life. A stranger sat in a clinic to guarantee the blood bank has O+ for a patient in need.
The creepiness subsides as an overpowering emotion of gratitude swells through me. I am experiencing the purity of human goodwill. We are in this room due to giving birth to our second son. I thought this was the embodiment of the circle of life. The gift of blood characterizes this circle too. To have both in the same 24 hours truly exemplifies and honors this circle.
I made a pact that once a mother I would overcome my fear and donate blood. For we cannot ask to receive something we are not willing to give. God forbid my children are ever in need of a transfusion or transplant I want to pray for something I am willing to do for another person. I didn’t want to give only because of being in need, but because it is what we should all do. Every person should pay forward this gift, for we never know who will need such a powerful donation.
I will be able to pay the bank back (with interest) in 364 days. Transfusion patients may not donate for one year after the procedure. In celebrating Ashton’s first birthday I plan to sit in a clinic paying forward my good fortune. After all, a birthday is celebrating life. To give blood is very symbolic of such a commemoration. I will be a continuation of the circle of life beyond my own. Throughout 2011 I will plan returning trips to the blood bank repaying my promise of interest.
The interest is being deposited in the names of: Adam, Kaden, Ashton and Gratitude.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
C.A.R.
Adam and I are overjoyed to announce the birth of our son!
Curtis "Ashton" Rardin
7lbs 9oz 19 inches
1:32 pm
In keeping with Rardin tradition we are honoring the CAR initials. We chose to name him after Adam's father Curt. He will be known by his middle name Ashton, which is English. It means to settle among the Ash Trees. In his life we certainly hope he too appreciates the world around him and settles among what he loves...
He has a full head of dark hair and brown eyes.
He is spectacular in every single way. He is simply yummy!
*Photo is taken at his 6th hour of life*
Happy Birthday
Four and a half hours doesn’t sound like a lot of time. It is half a working day marking time for lunch. It is a drive to central Oregon. It is a flash in time. However, in terms of birthing it is a lifetime. It is 270 minutes or 16,200 seconds of slowly passing moments.
I enjoyed a nice shower and protein rich breakfast before the Pitocin drip stared at 9:00 am. My greatest fear in eating or drinking was that I would experience nausea as I did when I labored with Kaden. It is one of the few memories of my first labor forever etched in my brain. I admit that much of my first labor and delivery escapes my memory. I know the experience was extreme. I do remember snippets, but overall I have actually repeated out loud, “It wasn’t that bad.” I must be experiencing labor amnesia.
The first hour went with ease. It was sixty minutes of conversation with Adam, Mom and Auntie Lynda. We took a stroll around the ward laughing and chatting. I focused on how close I was to enjoying a Margarita. Of course not any marg would do. To really get the party started it needs to be my trademark marg, which is like a taste of sunshine in a glass. It is enjoyed on the rocks, no salt with a splash of OJ and a floater of Amaretto on the side. Seriously, I think maternity wards should have a bar. It would make birthing much more of a celebration.
10:30 came quickly. Becky (our midwife) came into to check my progress. I was slowly progressing. She offered to break my bag of waters. I vowed if she made this recommendation I would do it. It moves labor into delivery quicker. I was chicken. I told her to come back in an hour. Why ruin our good time, right?
An hour later she broke my bag of waters. Amazingly it was as releasing this fluid actually flooded my memory. I began to drown in the realization that natural labor was the most difficult emotional and physical experience of my life. I want to scream, “Put it back in! I changed my mind!” It is too late. It is done and regardless I am going to have to face the fact: this baby was coming and I am not drugged.
We take my Pitocin pole and cruise around the ward. It is a different journey this go round. We still laugh, but every third step a contraction interferes. Each is stronger than the last having me reach for the wall swaying my hips back and forth. I make a true effort to keep my chin up and attitude positive. I am cracking jokes and even pole dancing around my IV. It helps keep me afloat in my flood.
It is noon and the energy is intense in my delivery room. I am officially traveling through hell because it is so hot in my room. I had the heat turned off and a fan pointed towards me. This is not like me, for I hate wind in my face. I look up over my bed and see Adam across from me. He has put his sweatshirt back on with the hood up over his head. I hear it is really Antarctica in my room- freezing cold. The midwife explains once the baby delivers the fan must be turned off.
Becky and my nurse don’t leave my side. The three of us stand at my bedside. Becky is beside me keeping me focused. I am leaning over the side of my bed. I want to stand. I rotate and sway my hips through each contraction. I scream. I cry, “I can’t do it. I can’t.” Becky brings me back and tells me that I can and I will. The nurse is a God sent. Her name: Sara. She put all of her weight in the fist of her hand keeping pressure on my lower back. Mom was at the foot of the bed. I white knuckled her hand for what seemed like hours. Adam was directly across me. He was a great focal point. I could see Auntie L across the way being supportive in her presence waiting for a ‘job’ any ‘job’ to keep her busy. She relieved the nurse.
It is 1:00. I scream, “Oh my God. Shit. Oh my God. Oh my God. The baby is going to drop out!” This is when I feel Sprite drop. We are headed into action- the front lines of labor. It was the most painful feeling. Becky checked me. To my surprise the baby was not going to ‘drop out’. I was at a nine. Holy moly this isn’t what I felt when I labored with Kaden. I started to think about an epidural or some narcotic. Becky whispers in my ear, “You can do this. We will do this.”
The contractions are insane. The pressure feels like my back will rip open. It won’t stop burning. My insides have to be shredded. I am bent over my bedside and Teresa, my mother-in-law enters the room. The poor lady has entered laboring torture. In mid scream I collect myself to greet her with a sweet, “Hi, Teresa.”
I want someone to push my face into the pillows until all is quiet. Becky checks my progression. It is time to get me into bed…NOW. I can only think about burying my own face in the pillows. It is a killer to climb into bed with the contractions as strong as they were being felt. I was starting to give up. I didn’t want to get into bed. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. It just hurt. I was voting to have the baby just fall out and caught.
It is 1:10 and time to begin delivery. This means my legs are up for all to view my glory. How embarrassing, but the truth is I didn’t care. I didn’t think about who was seeing my body and most private area. There is one goal and it is to get this baby out. If one of my visitors had offered to reach on in and grab the Sprite in one swift move I would have without hesitation accepted!
I have to admit the next 22 minutes are unclear.
I think Grandma Church entered the icebox of labor hell when I was pushing. The pressure and sensation of being split in half was overpowering. I didn’t feel the baby deliver as I did with Kaden. I remember hyperventilating from the force, which I was given an oxygen mask. It smelt terrible; I kept fighting it off and removing it. Adam had to use his mind over my request and keep it over my nose and mouth. Well, that and Becky firmly told him to keep it on my face. At the time we didn’t realize the intense pain and extreme discomfort was because Ashton’s head was diagonally placed. He was not facing the rear (as babies should be). He wasn’t sunny side up. It was worse. His head was at a diagonal. Ouchie-wa-wa.
The nurse is becoming anxious. Becky became more intense. We came to learn it was due to the heart rate dropping. It was go time… She had me deliver in two more pushes. The cord was wrapped around his neck.
At 1:32 pm we welcomed our second son into our family and the world. Adam cut the cord and I held him on my chest. I held in my arms a little piece of ‘us’.
It took 30 minutes to complete the rest of the delivery; and I was eager to learn no repair was needed.
Once I was ready we welcomed Curt, Josh, Brooklyn, Les and Ed into the room. We asked our visitors to get into a circle to greet Ashton. We explained we were doing a wish circle. We passed Ashton around the circle person-by-person bestowing a wish upon him for his life. The family ate his birthday cake as we packed up so we could leave the delivery room.
I was wheeled into our recovery/family room. It was surreal to know I had just labored and had a child. I was exhausted and starving. As I was getting settled into my bed Adam sits on the couch. He looks at me and says, “Baby, I want to have another baby.”
And the conversation of having a third child begins three hours or 180 minutes after the delivery of our second child…
I enjoyed a nice shower and protein rich breakfast before the Pitocin drip stared at 9:00 am. My greatest fear in eating or drinking was that I would experience nausea as I did when I labored with Kaden. It is one of the few memories of my first labor forever etched in my brain. I admit that much of my first labor and delivery escapes my memory. I know the experience was extreme. I do remember snippets, but overall I have actually repeated out loud, “It wasn’t that bad.” I must be experiencing labor amnesia.
The first hour went with ease. It was sixty minutes of conversation with Adam, Mom and Auntie Lynda. We took a stroll around the ward laughing and chatting. I focused on how close I was to enjoying a Margarita. Of course not any marg would do. To really get the party started it needs to be my trademark marg, which is like a taste of sunshine in a glass. It is enjoyed on the rocks, no salt with a splash of OJ and a floater of Amaretto on the side. Seriously, I think maternity wards should have a bar. It would make birthing much more of a celebration.
10:30 came quickly. Becky (our midwife) came into to check my progress. I was slowly progressing. She offered to break my bag of waters. I vowed if she made this recommendation I would do it. It moves labor into delivery quicker. I was chicken. I told her to come back in an hour. Why ruin our good time, right?
An hour later she broke my bag of waters. Amazingly it was as releasing this fluid actually flooded my memory. I began to drown in the realization that natural labor was the most difficult emotional and physical experience of my life. I want to scream, “Put it back in! I changed my mind!” It is too late. It is done and regardless I am going to have to face the fact: this baby was coming and I am not drugged.
We take my Pitocin pole and cruise around the ward. It is a different journey this go round. We still laugh, but every third step a contraction interferes. Each is stronger than the last having me reach for the wall swaying my hips back and forth. I make a true effort to keep my chin up and attitude positive. I am cracking jokes and even pole dancing around my IV. It helps keep me afloat in my flood.
It is noon and the energy is intense in my delivery room. I am officially traveling through hell because it is so hot in my room. I had the heat turned off and a fan pointed towards me. This is not like me, for I hate wind in my face. I look up over my bed and see Adam across from me. He has put his sweatshirt back on with the hood up over his head. I hear it is really Antarctica in my room- freezing cold. The midwife explains once the baby delivers the fan must be turned off.
Becky and my nurse don’t leave my side. The three of us stand at my bedside. Becky is beside me keeping me focused. I am leaning over the side of my bed. I want to stand. I rotate and sway my hips through each contraction. I scream. I cry, “I can’t do it. I can’t.” Becky brings me back and tells me that I can and I will. The nurse is a God sent. Her name: Sara. She put all of her weight in the fist of her hand keeping pressure on my lower back. Mom was at the foot of the bed. I white knuckled her hand for what seemed like hours. Adam was directly across me. He was a great focal point. I could see Auntie L across the way being supportive in her presence waiting for a ‘job’ any ‘job’ to keep her busy. She relieved the nurse.
It is 1:00. I scream, “Oh my God. Shit. Oh my God. Oh my God. The baby is going to drop out!” This is when I feel Sprite drop. We are headed into action- the front lines of labor. It was the most painful feeling. Becky checked me. To my surprise the baby was not going to ‘drop out’. I was at a nine. Holy moly this isn’t what I felt when I labored with Kaden. I started to think about an epidural or some narcotic. Becky whispers in my ear, “You can do this. We will do this.”
The contractions are insane. The pressure feels like my back will rip open. It won’t stop burning. My insides have to be shredded. I am bent over my bedside and Teresa, my mother-in-law enters the room. The poor lady has entered laboring torture. In mid scream I collect myself to greet her with a sweet, “Hi, Teresa.”
I want someone to push my face into the pillows until all is quiet. Becky checks my progression. It is time to get me into bed…NOW. I can only think about burying my own face in the pillows. It is a killer to climb into bed with the contractions as strong as they were being felt. I was starting to give up. I didn’t want to get into bed. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. It just hurt. I was voting to have the baby just fall out and caught.
It is 1:10 and time to begin delivery. This means my legs are up for all to view my glory. How embarrassing, but the truth is I didn’t care. I didn’t think about who was seeing my body and most private area. There is one goal and it is to get this baby out. If one of my visitors had offered to reach on in and grab the Sprite in one swift move I would have without hesitation accepted!
I have to admit the next 22 minutes are unclear.
I think Grandma Church entered the icebox of labor hell when I was pushing. The pressure and sensation of being split in half was overpowering. I didn’t feel the baby deliver as I did with Kaden. I remember hyperventilating from the force, which I was given an oxygen mask. It smelt terrible; I kept fighting it off and removing it. Adam had to use his mind over my request and keep it over my nose and mouth. Well, that and Becky firmly told him to keep it on my face. At the time we didn’t realize the intense pain and extreme discomfort was because Ashton’s head was diagonally placed. He was not facing the rear (as babies should be). He wasn’t sunny side up. It was worse. His head was at a diagonal. Ouchie-wa-wa.
The nurse is becoming anxious. Becky became more intense. We came to learn it was due to the heart rate dropping. It was go time… She had me deliver in two more pushes. The cord was wrapped around his neck.
At 1:32 pm we welcomed our second son into our family and the world. Adam cut the cord and I held him on my chest. I held in my arms a little piece of ‘us’.
It took 30 minutes to complete the rest of the delivery; and I was eager to learn no repair was needed.
Once I was ready we welcomed Curt, Josh, Brooklyn, Les and Ed into the room. We asked our visitors to get into a circle to greet Ashton. We explained we were doing a wish circle. We passed Ashton around the circle person-by-person bestowing a wish upon him for his life. The family ate his birthday cake as we packed up so we could leave the delivery room.
I was wheeled into our recovery/family room. It was surreal to know I had just labored and had a child. I was exhausted and starving. As I was getting settled into my bed Adam sits on the couch. He looks at me and says, “Baby, I want to have another baby.”
And the conversation of having a third child begins three hours or 180 minutes after the delivery of our second child…
Monday, February 22, 2010
I-DAY
Adam and I went to Portland Providence for an induction on Feb 22nd. We loaded up the car as though we were going on vacation. Okay, I packed up the bags (tiara, check. Baby book; check. Fuzzy socks; check. Playing cards; check. C.D.s; check and ect...) as though I was spending a week on vacation and Adam just loaded all into the car. We headed off to Club Providence with the unreal feeling that the next time we are home we will be a family of four.
We got into our luxury delivery suite (which was only doors down from the Jacuzzi tub) and waited for the nurse to begin the procedure of Cervidil. Cervidil is an insertion medication to soften the cervix to kick start labor. When I was admitted I was at a 2/3 and 70%. Our plan was I would rest peacefully for our upcoming big day and Adam would go home and care for Kaden. To be honest, I was looking forward to my sleeping drug…to have a sleep filled night is what my (very few) dreams are made of!
Cervidil inserted. Contractions begin and become ramped up quickly.
The contractions came on quickly and with a great intensity. Here we go we thought… We could tell the nurse was nervous to have Adam leave. She kept saying, “How far away do you live?” “Have you decided if you will be staying here?” and finally she says “She is going to go tonight.” Adam and I were ready. As each contraction grew closer and closer the excitement grew for Adam and me. I was breathing deeper and going inside myself to find my focus. In an hour the Cervidil seemed to be doing its job, but hours early. Finally, something was in my favor… a favorably quick delivery. We had everyone on standby. Auntie L came to the hospital and in an instant knew she was camping out all night. This baby was coming…
The nurse consulted with the midwife (Patti) who asked her to pull the medication. The fear was it would soon begin to make my body go into full active labor in a short amount of time. Trust me; no woman wants their body to be forced from 2 to 10 in a short amount of time! My body was beginning to do exactly what it needed to birth and it was time to let it do its job. This is it… we are going to have a baby in our arms come breakfast! I was promised a baby by dinner, but hey I was more than willing to pull an all ‘nighter’ to get the job done! I lie there and hearing the beeping of the monitor as we listen to the heartbeat of our unborn.
I send Adam to go with Lynda to grab a bite to eat. Food equals energy… we all knew they would need endurance. I wait to feel the cramping I had come to expect every few minutes. I close my eyes for it is like watching for water to boil. Nothing. I move to my side. Let us kick up the party is what kept running through my mind. I figured if I moved around it would stir the baby and get us back on the monitor. I keep watch of the monitor. Nothing. The lines are not climbing. It is becoming weaker and the contractions are becoming wimpy.
Basically, when the nurse pulled the Cervidil she pulled the plug on my labor.
The prize for all my patience was an Ambien and a trip to the Jacuzzi. I was told not to stay in longer than 30 minutes. One foot in the tub and I entered a little bit of Heaven. As I sat down in the warm water it was certain I was at Club Providence. Of course being concerned about my hair I sat straight up not to get any of it wet. I had to keep in mind I have a shorter style and should I go into labor I was avoiding creating bed head! The sleeping pill started to kick in. I was floating in mind, body and spirit. Club Providence take me away…
10 blissful minutes passed and my husband begins to insist I get out. I was drifting off to meet the Sandman. I fought him for a half-a-second and realized I couldn’t stay focused on my argument. He won. I was getting ready to get out and thought I’d help the nurse and drain the water. My personality type is one who cleans up regardless if I am dining at a restaurant or staying at a hotel. It is nice to make ones job easier vs. difficult. It takes only a few minutes to do as you would in your own home to pick up your garbage and linens.
Anyway, I look for a drain release. I see a button. I push down as hard as I can. “Whoosh!” in full force water comes from out of a jet in a stream so large it hits the far wall and drenches my hair. I gasp or was it a screech? Adam moves as fast as he can to cover the jet with his hand. This move has the water spray my face. I fumbled to find the button to turn it off. I feared it would turn on another jet and surely drown me. Adam is laughing so hard he has tears. Frowning all I could say, “My HAIR! My HAIR!” Club Providence my ass the joint is trying to kill me. It gave a whole new meaning to “sink or swim,” but did it have to be in the maternity ward?
Once Adam gains his composure he grants me a few more minutes in the tub. As he sees it I am no longer relaxed and deserve a few more minutes to unwind from my “sink or swim” moment. Once we are back to the suite the contractions officially flat lined.
It is 2:30 in the a.m. and the 6:30 am Pitocin festivity is quickly approaching.
Lynda left a couple hours before the Jacuzzi event and Adam sacked out on the couch. I had sugar plumbs dancing in my head… I am sure this is my last restful slumber for many nights to come…
We got into our luxury delivery suite (which was only doors down from the Jacuzzi tub) and waited for the nurse to begin the procedure of Cervidil. Cervidil is an insertion medication to soften the cervix to kick start labor. When I was admitted I was at a 2/3 and 70%. Our plan was I would rest peacefully for our upcoming big day and Adam would go home and care for Kaden. To be honest, I was looking forward to my sleeping drug…to have a sleep filled night is what my (very few) dreams are made of!
Cervidil inserted. Contractions begin and become ramped up quickly.
The contractions came on quickly and with a great intensity. Here we go we thought… We could tell the nurse was nervous to have Adam leave. She kept saying, “How far away do you live?” “Have you decided if you will be staying here?” and finally she says “She is going to go tonight.” Adam and I were ready. As each contraction grew closer and closer the excitement grew for Adam and me. I was breathing deeper and going inside myself to find my focus. In an hour the Cervidil seemed to be doing its job, but hours early. Finally, something was in my favor… a favorably quick delivery. We had everyone on standby. Auntie L came to the hospital and in an instant knew she was camping out all night. This baby was coming…
The nurse consulted with the midwife (Patti) who asked her to pull the medication. The fear was it would soon begin to make my body go into full active labor in a short amount of time. Trust me; no woman wants their body to be forced from 2 to 10 in a short amount of time! My body was beginning to do exactly what it needed to birth and it was time to let it do its job. This is it… we are going to have a baby in our arms come breakfast! I was promised a baby by dinner, but hey I was more than willing to pull an all ‘nighter’ to get the job done! I lie there and hearing the beeping of the monitor as we listen to the heartbeat of our unborn.
I send Adam to go with Lynda to grab a bite to eat. Food equals energy… we all knew they would need endurance. I wait to feel the cramping I had come to expect every few minutes. I close my eyes for it is like watching for water to boil. Nothing. I move to my side. Let us kick up the party is what kept running through my mind. I figured if I moved around it would stir the baby and get us back on the monitor. I keep watch of the monitor. Nothing. The lines are not climbing. It is becoming weaker and the contractions are becoming wimpy.
Basically, when the nurse pulled the Cervidil she pulled the plug on my labor.
The prize for all my patience was an Ambien and a trip to the Jacuzzi. I was told not to stay in longer than 30 minutes. One foot in the tub and I entered a little bit of Heaven. As I sat down in the warm water it was certain I was at Club Providence. Of course being concerned about my hair I sat straight up not to get any of it wet. I had to keep in mind I have a shorter style and should I go into labor I was avoiding creating bed head! The sleeping pill started to kick in. I was floating in mind, body and spirit. Club Providence take me away…
10 blissful minutes passed and my husband begins to insist I get out. I was drifting off to meet the Sandman. I fought him for a half-a-second and realized I couldn’t stay focused on my argument. He won. I was getting ready to get out and thought I’d help the nurse and drain the water. My personality type is one who cleans up regardless if I am dining at a restaurant or staying at a hotel. It is nice to make ones job easier vs. difficult. It takes only a few minutes to do as you would in your own home to pick up your garbage and linens.
Anyway, I look for a drain release. I see a button. I push down as hard as I can. “Whoosh!” in full force water comes from out of a jet in a stream so large it hits the far wall and drenches my hair. I gasp or was it a screech? Adam moves as fast as he can to cover the jet with his hand. This move has the water spray my face. I fumbled to find the button to turn it off. I feared it would turn on another jet and surely drown me. Adam is laughing so hard he has tears. Frowning all I could say, “My HAIR! My HAIR!” Club Providence my ass the joint is trying to kill me. It gave a whole new meaning to “sink or swim,” but did it have to be in the maternity ward?
Once Adam gains his composure he grants me a few more minutes in the tub. As he sees it I am no longer relaxed and deserve a few more minutes to unwind from my “sink or swim” moment. Once we are back to the suite the contractions officially flat lined.
It is 2:30 in the a.m. and the 6:30 am Pitocin festivity is quickly approaching.
Lynda left a couple hours before the Jacuzzi event and Adam sacked out on the couch. I had sugar plumbs dancing in my head… I am sure this is my last restful slumber for many nights to come…
Saturday, February 20, 2010
IN CLOSING I GIVE MY THANKS
Time is nearing and “Sprite” will be here. I have been anticipating this day for months and even more so these last few weeks, which have led to anxious days. Many thoughts take me to a place called appreciation. I look back over his time and find I am overwhelmed with gratitude for having the love of so many around us. One of my favorite sayings, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "Thank you," that would suffice,” keeps repeating itself in my head. I have many prayers of thanks.
In having Kaden I soon realized it takes a village to help not only raise a child, but a new mom. This holds true the second go round, as well. I am fortunate to have a strong village always working together to ensure our well being. In speaking to friends who live states away from their family this blessing becomes more and more clear.
I want to give tribute to those who have helped in keeping me and most importantly my family on course for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. The purpose of this blog is to document the days. My days have been filled with great people and this too should be included. I do not imagine I could forget, but I want this gratefulness locked on paper.
Mom, you have been fantastic. I don’t know how many phone calls and text messages you have endured regarding this-and-that. I know there have been great many days of worry and never have you let me hear in your voice that you too were scared. You calm me. You check in every day. You offer up so much more than being Mom or GG. You are a great friend of this family. Adam and I often discuss how fortunate we are to have you on our team. We are eternally grateful for the two upcoming weeks you will be lending your services while we adjust to a new wonderful life. It eases my growing anxiety and gives Adam a sense of peace as he thinks about those first days back to work. Your gift of involvement and time has never gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
Inez, I am eternally grateful for your call of duty over-and-over. You have been my go to person with Kaden. For all the days we have counted on you during our unplanned events our hearts have over flown with thankfulness. If it weren’t for your care in allowing me the needed time to rest we could be in a different place right now. This thought has been repetitive in my mind. How scary, but true. All the appointments and rushes to the hospital have had you on standby. And during these times you continue to go even further by ensuring we have hot homemade meals, our rest and anything else for our well being. Since the beginning of my relationship with Adam you have been so kind to me. And through this journey, I realize not only does my husband and children have an incredible grandma, so do I.
Curt, in moving into your home it has been a blessing for many reasons; today I am counting your daily care and concern for our well being. You jump in and help knowing it is ‘that’ kind of day. You are constantly offering your help for this and for that. You look in on me with a Dad’s eye. These months have given way to several challenges and you have been front and center doing what you are able to help soften the days. A million little things have added up…to a colossal thank you. You are a fantastic grandfather. I am so happy Kaden is having this special time with you, Papa. Thank you for extending to me the heart and tender care of a father.
Auntie L, you love me like a daughter and this comes through in your worry for my family and me. You have been a constant offer of hands on help with all the days of Kaden sitting and Nicole entertaining. You have taught me a valuable lesson… take the offers of help, for people do not offer unless they want to help. You have extended insight and been firm in warning me about listening to my body and midwives. You are my little ‘voice’ of reason. It follows me and carries me to listening to what I need to do versus what I want to do. In my life you have played many roles. I am thrilled one is now Aunt to Kaden and Sprite. You will never know how much our conversations have helped to guide me and never more than over these months. We have spoken about the gifts that keep on giving. You too are such a gift…
Erin, humor is the best medicine. As I have endured long days of discomfort, bed rest and uncertainty you have been my sidekick. You have offered me (DAILY) comforts whether it is in laughter or wisdom. There have been days I felt defeated due to not being able to lift Kaden or having to postpone outings due to the nerve in my back and without knowing my struggle you make me laugh so hard I cry. I love our friendship. It is so unique and special to my heart. I wish you here, instead of Texas, but am forever grateful to have you near at heart. You are my Mom therapy. I know this will continue as we bring home Sprite. As you kindly pointed out our family is growing by 25% and this IS a big deal!
Kayla, my sweetest best gal you are just well, awesome. You constantly offer to lend it all- whatever I or my family needs. You are the epitome of the golden heart. The baby shower was a beautiful way to celebrate this new beginning of life. We have shared in many ‘mom’ and private ‘pregnancy’ conversations. Adam and I can’t express to you how much we appreciate you taking Kaden our first night in the hospital. It is a restless time and this relieves much anxiety. I am grateful to have you as my friend. As I have said time and time again I love you as though you are my sister…ever so deeply and true.
My heart, husband and best friend you are a remarkable partner. This pregnancy has tested us and we continue to pass by leaps and bounds as it has only brought us closer. There have been uncertainties, which have brought fear expectant couples should not know. You have carried a load of worry and this stress has been left as your personal struggle in hopes to allow me to focus on growing our unborn. I have enjoyed witnessing your relationship with Kaden flourish. It has brought me joy to see how incredibly bonded you two are. You continuously offer me emotional and physical support to keep me focused as you remind me what this is all for, our baby. We are exhausted and ready to welcome our child to our family. My heart is most thankful for your love. I see it every single day in all that you do without complaint to better our family. Many men would begin to resent these last months, but not you. I don’t see bitterness I see your love grow more and more. This love wraps around me. I feel it all through the day- every single day.
In writing this I have come to a new conclusion. It certainly takes a village to raise a mom. And to have a village means to have a family, which is an extension of us in both biology and choice. This village holds those people who are most constant, committed and genuine. My village overwhelms me. I give my heartfelt thanks to not only those few listed above, but to you all.
Forever grateful and all my love, always.
In having Kaden I soon realized it takes a village to help not only raise a child, but a new mom. This holds true the second go round, as well. I am fortunate to have a strong village always working together to ensure our well being. In speaking to friends who live states away from their family this blessing becomes more and more clear.
I want to give tribute to those who have helped in keeping me and most importantly my family on course for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. The purpose of this blog is to document the days. My days have been filled with great people and this too should be included. I do not imagine I could forget, but I want this gratefulness locked on paper.
Mom, you have been fantastic. I don’t know how many phone calls and text messages you have endured regarding this-and-that. I know there have been great many days of worry and never have you let me hear in your voice that you too were scared. You calm me. You check in every day. You offer up so much more than being Mom or GG. You are a great friend of this family. Adam and I often discuss how fortunate we are to have you on our team. We are eternally grateful for the two upcoming weeks you will be lending your services while we adjust to a new wonderful life. It eases my growing anxiety and gives Adam a sense of peace as he thinks about those first days back to work. Your gift of involvement and time has never gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
Inez, I am eternally grateful for your call of duty over-and-over. You have been my go to person with Kaden. For all the days we have counted on you during our unplanned events our hearts have over flown with thankfulness. If it weren’t for your care in allowing me the needed time to rest we could be in a different place right now. This thought has been repetitive in my mind. How scary, but true. All the appointments and rushes to the hospital have had you on standby. And during these times you continue to go even further by ensuring we have hot homemade meals, our rest and anything else for our well being. Since the beginning of my relationship with Adam you have been so kind to me. And through this journey, I realize not only does my husband and children have an incredible grandma, so do I.
Curt, in moving into your home it has been a blessing for many reasons; today I am counting your daily care and concern for our well being. You jump in and help knowing it is ‘that’ kind of day. You are constantly offering your help for this and for that. You look in on me with a Dad’s eye. These months have given way to several challenges and you have been front and center doing what you are able to help soften the days. A million little things have added up…to a colossal thank you. You are a fantastic grandfather. I am so happy Kaden is having this special time with you, Papa. Thank you for extending to me the heart and tender care of a father.
Auntie L, you love me like a daughter and this comes through in your worry for my family and me. You have been a constant offer of hands on help with all the days of Kaden sitting and Nicole entertaining. You have taught me a valuable lesson… take the offers of help, for people do not offer unless they want to help. You have extended insight and been firm in warning me about listening to my body and midwives. You are my little ‘voice’ of reason. It follows me and carries me to listening to what I need to do versus what I want to do. In my life you have played many roles. I am thrilled one is now Aunt to Kaden and Sprite. You will never know how much our conversations have helped to guide me and never more than over these months. We have spoken about the gifts that keep on giving. You too are such a gift…
Erin, humor is the best medicine. As I have endured long days of discomfort, bed rest and uncertainty you have been my sidekick. You have offered me (DAILY) comforts whether it is in laughter or wisdom. There have been days I felt defeated due to not being able to lift Kaden or having to postpone outings due to the nerve in my back and without knowing my struggle you make me laugh so hard I cry. I love our friendship. It is so unique and special to my heart. I wish you here, instead of Texas, but am forever grateful to have you near at heart. You are my Mom therapy. I know this will continue as we bring home Sprite. As you kindly pointed out our family is growing by 25% and this IS a big deal!
Kayla, my sweetest best gal you are just well, awesome. You constantly offer to lend it all- whatever I or my family needs. You are the epitome of the golden heart. The baby shower was a beautiful way to celebrate this new beginning of life. We have shared in many ‘mom’ and private ‘pregnancy’ conversations. Adam and I can’t express to you how much we appreciate you taking Kaden our first night in the hospital. It is a restless time and this relieves much anxiety. I am grateful to have you as my friend. As I have said time and time again I love you as though you are my sister…ever so deeply and true.
My heart, husband and best friend you are a remarkable partner. This pregnancy has tested us and we continue to pass by leaps and bounds as it has only brought us closer. There have been uncertainties, which have brought fear expectant couples should not know. You have carried a load of worry and this stress has been left as your personal struggle in hopes to allow me to focus on growing our unborn. I have enjoyed witnessing your relationship with Kaden flourish. It has brought me joy to see how incredibly bonded you two are. You continuously offer me emotional and physical support to keep me focused as you remind me what this is all for, our baby. We are exhausted and ready to welcome our child to our family. My heart is most thankful for your love. I see it every single day in all that you do without complaint to better our family. Many men would begin to resent these last months, but not you. I don’t see bitterness I see your love grow more and more. This love wraps around me. I feel it all through the day- every single day.
In writing this I have come to a new conclusion. It certainly takes a village to raise a mom. And to have a village means to have a family, which is an extension of us in both biology and choice. This village holds those people who are most constant, committed and genuine. My village overwhelms me. I give my heartfelt thanks to not only those few listed above, but to you all.
Forever grateful and all my love, always.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
FEARS
I can’t believe that in two weeks time I will be sitting here on this exact couch enjoying or is it enduring my first day alone with both of our children. I look ahead and cannot stop the curiosity of what will come of our days and life. To be honest, I do have reservations and concerns concerning this new chapter. I am nervous, but eager!
We have been fortunate with Kaden. He is a love and an overall easy going guy. There have been obstacles and ‘phases’ that perhaps I may describe then as difficult periods, but in retrospect it would be better described as simple quickly past annoyances.
Fear 1: Sprite has a colic temperament. I fear the baby will have a case of colic, which will last the full four months.
We have been spoiled. Kaden has always been a sleeper. I remember asking Mom around week 4 if it was normal for an infant to sleep 18 hours a day. It seemed like all he did was sleep. This continues today. He goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes twelve hours later. He naps two times a day totaling 3-4 hours a day.
Fear 2: Sprite has our days and nights confused. In having our first child I was able to sleep when he slept. This time I will only be able to ‘catch’ up on sleep when Kaden is napping as long as baby naps at this same time. Sleep deprivation puts me on shaky ground!
At 17 months Kaden is our heart. He receives the shine and attention all day long. It is his world and we just live in it.
Fear 3: Kaden’s adjustment will not happen in the time frame I predict. My hope is that Kade’s age will be to our favor and in two weeks time he won’t remember life pre-baby. Is this realistic? I have no idea. If not, I occasionally fall into the age old Mom guilt of wondering if he will adjust and be the same boy then as he is today…
I not only love Kaden I like him so much! He is a comic and golden heart. We have our special rituals and shared time. He knows without question how much we love him.
Fear 4: Will he know he is loved just as much as he ever was? Will we continue to share in our special time? Is there enough of ME and Adam to go around?
Becoming a parent modifies relationships especially that between your significant other and yourself. We experienced this after Kaden was born. It was a long and at times challenging adjustment. We grew away from one another and through the first few months we reconnected- better and stronger.
Fear 5: What stresses will come to Adam and I that will challenge us? Will we both be patient? Will both of us put the other before ourselves in time, love, understanding and appreciation? I find trepidation in thinking about the challenges a second child, an infant, may bring in the coming months.
Kaden and I run on time. It is rare (very!) that we are not on schedule regardless of the days events, moods or time.
Fear 6: Will we become late arrivals? Is it sincerely much more difficult to be on time with two children?
I am at the liberty to go as I want when I choose. There are days that Kaden isn’t into the running around. If the errands take us to the market I can expect a melt down within 15 minutes. However, we get through it with kind strangers talking to him and his free cookie from the bakery.
Fear 7: We will become prisoners of our home! Women have multiples and go out and about. Women have children spread in age range. If I rationalize I know this is an irrational thought. We will adjust. We will go and do. I may just reprioritize what we do and when we go!
I can write on and on of my fears, which I have entertained. I do know I will love my children equally, but differently. I know I will have a unique connection to both. I will have a draw to each child for who they are in personality and/or interest in different ways. The fears really have no place, for it will all come together. In going back and reading my fears here in black and white I notice each as a short term apprehension not at all a long term alarm.
We have been fortunate with Kaden. He is a love and an overall easy going guy. There have been obstacles and ‘phases’ that perhaps I may describe then as difficult periods, but in retrospect it would be better described as simple quickly past annoyances.
Fear 1: Sprite has a colic temperament. I fear the baby will have a case of colic, which will last the full four months.
We have been spoiled. Kaden has always been a sleeper. I remember asking Mom around week 4 if it was normal for an infant to sleep 18 hours a day. It seemed like all he did was sleep. This continues today. He goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes twelve hours later. He naps two times a day totaling 3-4 hours a day.
Fear 2: Sprite has our days and nights confused. In having our first child I was able to sleep when he slept. This time I will only be able to ‘catch’ up on sleep when Kaden is napping as long as baby naps at this same time. Sleep deprivation puts me on shaky ground!
At 17 months Kaden is our heart. He receives the shine and attention all day long. It is his world and we just live in it.
Fear 3: Kaden’s adjustment will not happen in the time frame I predict. My hope is that Kade’s age will be to our favor and in two weeks time he won’t remember life pre-baby. Is this realistic? I have no idea. If not, I occasionally fall into the age old Mom guilt of wondering if he will adjust and be the same boy then as he is today…
I not only love Kaden I like him so much! He is a comic and golden heart. We have our special rituals and shared time. He knows without question how much we love him.
Fear 4: Will he know he is loved just as much as he ever was? Will we continue to share in our special time? Is there enough of ME and Adam to go around?
Becoming a parent modifies relationships especially that between your significant other and yourself. We experienced this after Kaden was born. It was a long and at times challenging adjustment. We grew away from one another and through the first few months we reconnected- better and stronger.
Fear 5: What stresses will come to Adam and I that will challenge us? Will we both be patient? Will both of us put the other before ourselves in time, love, understanding and appreciation? I find trepidation in thinking about the challenges a second child, an infant, may bring in the coming months.
Kaden and I run on time. It is rare (very!) that we are not on schedule regardless of the days events, moods or time.
Fear 6: Will we become late arrivals? Is it sincerely much more difficult to be on time with two children?
I am at the liberty to go as I want when I choose. There are days that Kaden isn’t into the running around. If the errands take us to the market I can expect a melt down within 15 minutes. However, we get through it with kind strangers talking to him and his free cookie from the bakery.
Fear 7: We will become prisoners of our home! Women have multiples and go out and about. Women have children spread in age range. If I rationalize I know this is an irrational thought. We will adjust. We will go and do. I may just reprioritize what we do and when we go!
I can write on and on of my fears, which I have entertained. I do know I will love my children equally, but differently. I know I will have a unique connection to both. I will have a draw to each child for who they are in personality and/or interest in different ways. The fears really have no place, for it will all come together. In going back and reading my fears here in black and white I notice each as a short term apprehension not at all a long term alarm.
Monday, February 15, 2010
FAVORS
My dearest friends and closest family often will ask me, “What can I do for you? What do you need?” And for the majority of the pregnancy my answer has been, “Nothing.” As I have that I can do it myself attitude. I am nearing the end of my pregnancy (eight days to be exact!) and changing my tune…
I have called in some favors and I have been deee-nied!
I am tired of being tired. I am exhausted by the pinch in my back keeping me up through the night. I am annoyed with the contractions and cramping. It is making me an unpleasant personality.
The midwives have prescribed 8, yes that is EIGHT, different prescriptions from Trazadone to Ambien to Vicodin to help with sleep aid and pain relief. I have seen a physical therapist. Finally, relief! She is able to help, but of course only after delivery. My back is inflamed around and outside a nerve ending due to the pinch. I can’t have an anti-inflammatory until the baby is in my arms. I am so glad I can have narcotics though! And no I have not filled the Vicodin prescription.
My last appointment was on February 10th when I was at 37 weeks. At this time I was dilated a little past a 2 at 50%. She stripped my membrane in hopes to naturally induce labor. I was huddled over the rest of the day… so much for ‘mild’ cramping! The contractions kicked in later that evening. We started hoping for a February 12th birthday once I called and spoke to the nurse. She made it sound promising. The contractions petered out. The cramps continued until Friday morning.
I go back tomorrow for my 38 week appointment. Let me just call it my LAST prenatal appointment! Patty wants to repeat last week’s procedure. I am not sure of the pros of repeating it. If it has moved me along I may reconsider, but at this point I feel as though I am self inducing pain not inducing labor.
Writing of self induction takes me back to asking favors…
If the only way to relieve the back issue is to deliver let us get the party started!
When someone asks if they can do anything for me I ask if they have castor oil. I can make a castor oil and orange juice cocktail. My luck the cramping won't lead to contractions, but Diarrhea!
I have lost that loving feeling, so nipple stimulation and intercourse are out of the question. So, I ask Adam to kick me in his sleep… Push that baby out from the top! Hey, I have seen this on the "Baby Story".
I ask if they have stairs I can go down on my butt with the hopes to bump-bump-bump start it. How is this different then driving down the old winding road?
There is the option of long drives down a graveled pothole road. Right now, this is my kind of date.
On all accounts these wivestale methods have been declined by all who have offered to help. I get nothing, nada, zip and a whole lot of zilch. Damn!
It looks like we will continue to plan for our Monday, February 22nd evening admission with a medically inducted delivery on the 23rd. It has to be said- I do hope the baby comes organically…naturally and without the use of say, primrose oil!
I have called in some favors and I have been deee-nied!
I am tired of being tired. I am exhausted by the pinch in my back keeping me up through the night. I am annoyed with the contractions and cramping. It is making me an unpleasant personality.
The midwives have prescribed 8, yes that is EIGHT, different prescriptions from Trazadone to Ambien to Vicodin to help with sleep aid and pain relief. I have seen a physical therapist. Finally, relief! She is able to help, but of course only after delivery. My back is inflamed around and outside a nerve ending due to the pinch. I can’t have an anti-inflammatory until the baby is in my arms. I am so glad I can have narcotics though! And no I have not filled the Vicodin prescription.
My last appointment was on February 10th when I was at 37 weeks. At this time I was dilated a little past a 2 at 50%. She stripped my membrane in hopes to naturally induce labor. I was huddled over the rest of the day… so much for ‘mild’ cramping! The contractions kicked in later that evening. We started hoping for a February 12th birthday once I called and spoke to the nurse. She made it sound promising. The contractions petered out. The cramps continued until Friday morning.
I go back tomorrow for my 38 week appointment. Let me just call it my LAST prenatal appointment! Patty wants to repeat last week’s procedure. I am not sure of the pros of repeating it. If it has moved me along I may reconsider, but at this point I feel as though I am self inducing pain not inducing labor.
Writing of self induction takes me back to asking favors…
If the only way to relieve the back issue is to deliver let us get the party started!
When someone asks if they can do anything for me I ask if they have castor oil. I can make a castor oil and orange juice cocktail. My luck the cramping won't lead to contractions, but Diarrhea!
I have lost that loving feeling, so nipple stimulation and intercourse are out of the question. So, I ask Adam to kick me in his sleep… Push that baby out from the top! Hey, I have seen this on the "Baby Story".
I ask if they have stairs I can go down on my butt with the hopes to bump-bump-bump start it. How is this different then driving down the old winding road?
There is the option of long drives down a graveled pothole road. Right now, this is my kind of date.
On all accounts these wivestale methods have been declined by all who have offered to help. I get nothing, nada, zip and a whole lot of zilch. Damn!
It looks like we will continue to plan for our Monday, February 22nd evening admission with a medically inducted delivery on the 23rd. It has to be said- I do hope the baby comes organically…naturally and without the use of say, primrose oil!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
ADAM'S PREDICTION
We didn't share our predictions prior to posting.
Gender: Boy
Weight: 7 lbs 6 oz
Length: 19.5 inches
Eyes: Brown
Hair color: Brown with a fair amount
Wow. I can't believe Adam and I have the EXACT thoughts on Sprite!
The anticipation...
Gender: Boy
Weight: 7 lbs 6 oz
Length: 19.5 inches
Eyes: Brown
Hair color: Brown with a fair amount
Wow. I can't believe Adam and I have the EXACT thoughts on Sprite!
The anticipation...
Saturday, February 6, 2010
THE FINAL DAYS
I am coming to the end of my pregnancy. It hasn’t been an easy eight months. To be frank it has been a challenge. Since week 25 I have been in and out of the hospital and at times labeled as ‘high risk’. I am always the first to say, “I can’t wait to have the pregnancy past us.” And yet, I sit here thinking this is it. This is the last time I will experience the remarkable blessing of growing, nurturing and bringing a baby into the world.
It surprises me to find these final days bittersweet. I thought for sure I would not look back as I left pregnancy behind me. What I am feeling is quite different. The memory is short. I have forgotten the many second trimester visits and admissions into PPMC; and as hard as the contractions and nerve pinch have been theses couple weeks I am discovering I am treasuring these last days. After all, I am sharing in the secret moves and wiggles of this new life.
As I have followed the course there have been many ‘ah hah’ moments. Lately, I am coming to realize all my inconveniences are actually nature’s way of indicating the baby is doing well. For example: I itch and itch. This itch means my skin is stretching because the baby is growing. Thank Heaven for the growth! I am ravenous, which means the baby is building mass. I am fatigued knowing this is the way my body prepares for the hard work of labor and delivery. The constantly growing (in intensity of both hurt and time) contractions are conditioning my body to follow nature’s path. All of these nuisances truly have a purpose. Who knew?! Growing a baby is like nothing else. It is a selfless act full of secrets. I am actually beginning to understand these realisms. I think this change in thought process developed from the realization that this is the last time I will share in this intimate experience. My season of life is shifting.
As I prepare to leave this chapter of life I am beginning to plan to enter into being a mother of not just one, but two children. Each day we are closer to meeting one another. At the end of each of these days I rub my stomach and feel Sprite as the rolling and fidgeting continues. During these quiet moments I look forward to holding this life and in the same thought saddened our time (my time) is limited as to how much longer the baby will be held under my heart.
The poignancy of these moments is not that I will never again hold a child under my heart, but I will experience another life becoming my heart. This in itself makes these last days, weeks and months worth every ache, pain and worry. All in all, in one word it has given me joy. A joy my life would not have known otherwise. I will continue to know my blessings as to what a remarkable gift this passage is.
It surprises me to find these final days bittersweet. I thought for sure I would not look back as I left pregnancy behind me. What I am feeling is quite different. The memory is short. I have forgotten the many second trimester visits and admissions into PPMC; and as hard as the contractions and nerve pinch have been theses couple weeks I am discovering I am treasuring these last days. After all, I am sharing in the secret moves and wiggles of this new life.
As I have followed the course there have been many ‘ah hah’ moments. Lately, I am coming to realize all my inconveniences are actually nature’s way of indicating the baby is doing well. For example: I itch and itch. This itch means my skin is stretching because the baby is growing. Thank Heaven for the growth! I am ravenous, which means the baby is building mass. I am fatigued knowing this is the way my body prepares for the hard work of labor and delivery. The constantly growing (in intensity of both hurt and time) contractions are conditioning my body to follow nature’s path. All of these nuisances truly have a purpose. Who knew?! Growing a baby is like nothing else. It is a selfless act full of secrets. I am actually beginning to understand these realisms. I think this change in thought process developed from the realization that this is the last time I will share in this intimate experience. My season of life is shifting.
As I prepare to leave this chapter of life I am beginning to plan to enter into being a mother of not just one, but two children. Each day we are closer to meeting one another. At the end of each of these days I rub my stomach and feel Sprite as the rolling and fidgeting continues. During these quiet moments I look forward to holding this life and in the same thought saddened our time (my time) is limited as to how much longer the baby will be held under my heart.
The poignancy of these moments is not that I will never again hold a child under my heart, but I will experience another life becoming my heart. This in itself makes these last days, weeks and months worth every ache, pain and worry. All in all, in one word it has given me joy. A joy my life would not have known otherwise. I will continue to know my blessings as to what a remarkable gift this passage is.
Friday, February 5, 2010
MY PREDICTION
I sit here with constant anticipation to meet the small life I have been growing for nearly nine months. As the due date approaches I find that I am becoming more and more curious to meet this little person. I imagine what this child will look like and what personality we will come to know.
Here is my prediction:
GENDER: Boy
LENGTH: 20 inches
WEIGHT: 7lbs 6 oz
EYE: Brown
HAIR: Brown… a fair amount of it
I think Sprite will look much like Kaden considering the gene pool on Adam’s side is very strong between Curt, Adam and Kaden. I guess Sprite will be close to Kaden’s measurements, but smaller vs larger (as most second babies are). I am amazed how much I feel the baby move at this stage of the pregnancy. Kaden was very gentle and quite. This little one is a swimmer and kicker all day and night. I think this baby will have a zest from the beginning of the arrival. This is my way of being kind in saying baby will not be a sleeper…
I have to think that my predictions do come skewed. I have gone back and forth with the sex of the baby over the course of the pregnancy. Do I lean towards a boy because this is what we now ‘know’? If I try to imagine having a daughter it seems so foreign to me! We know camo, trucks and the color blue all to well. Do I presume the baby will have certain measurements or traits because this is also what we know? I am sure this all plays a part as to where my mind's eye takes me in picturing our unborn.
Boy or girl; girl or boy. It makes no difference to us. We simply do not care and we mean this full heartedly. We look forward to welcoming our child in the coming weeks. It isn’t soon enough, but it is soon that my predictions will be answered.
Here is my prediction:
GENDER: Boy
LENGTH: 20 inches
WEIGHT: 7lbs 6 oz
EYE: Brown
HAIR: Brown… a fair amount of it
I think Sprite will look much like Kaden considering the gene pool on Adam’s side is very strong between Curt, Adam and Kaden. I guess Sprite will be close to Kaden’s measurements, but smaller vs larger (as most second babies are). I am amazed how much I feel the baby move at this stage of the pregnancy. Kaden was very gentle and quite. This little one is a swimmer and kicker all day and night. I think this baby will have a zest from the beginning of the arrival. This is my way of being kind in saying baby will not be a sleeper…
I have to think that my predictions do come skewed. I have gone back and forth with the sex of the baby over the course of the pregnancy. Do I lean towards a boy because this is what we now ‘know’? If I try to imagine having a daughter it seems so foreign to me! We know camo, trucks and the color blue all to well. Do I presume the baby will have certain measurements or traits because this is also what we know? I am sure this all plays a part as to where my mind's eye takes me in picturing our unborn.
Boy or girl; girl or boy. It makes no difference to us. We simply do not care and we mean this full heartedly. We look forward to welcoming our child in the coming weeks. It isn’t soon enough, but it is soon that my predictions will be answered.
Monday, February 1, 2010
BIRTH PLAN
I don't know how many expectant Mom's have a birthing plan. Adam and I had a plan when we delivered Kaden. The key is that things change and so must the plan. I couldn't be to attatched to what we had 'planned' for circumstance as well as mood change quickly.
We took Kaden's plan and revamped it for this birth.
Nicole Rardin’s Birthing Plan
Remain home as long as safe and comfortable.
No IV unless necessary. It takes several attempts to be successful. Becky recommended that I let the nurse know after one attempt to call the techs due to the difficulty we have had these last months.
Hospital Room: low light, focal points (from home), ipod and aromatherapy.
No cell phone usage in room during labor.
Presence of the following during labor/delivery: Adam (husband) and Teri (mom) Lynda (Aunt), Teresa ( mother-in-law ) and Inez (grandma) to be present as well. This team was critical in the success of my natural birth.
If allowed, visitors may visit during labor until I determine otherwise.
Okay, done is my term to clear the room of visitors (excluding Adam).
Mobility is the utmost importance. I am planning for another natural birth. Pain relief: movement, touch and water. I would like a room with a tub and use the Jacuzzi for relief. Please keep me moving… Adam is a great support with words and touch!
I would like to avoid an epidural. DO NOT OFFER ANY PAIN RELIEF! IF I ASK, PLEASE ASK ME IF I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MOBILITY FOR THE DURATION OF LABOR. Adam and Mom are well aware of this from my last birth.
I decline the use of mirrors, touch or viewing of my delivery.
Adam will cut the cord.
Please clean baby prior to handing to me.
Adam will announce the birth to visitors.
All repair work, baby check and those present in the room have held baby before other visitors are allowed into room. We will then have 1-2 people in at a time to meet baby.
We have a special welcome for baby; IF a nurse is available to videotape this short family moment we will be appreciative. It includes all the family present after delivery...
If baby is a boy we request a circumcision. Our pediatrician does not visit Providence or perform this procedure in his office.
Adam would like to participate with the ink prints.
We will formula feed: Similac.
Visitor hours while recovering: 10am to 8pm to ensure rest.
Mom and baby to be released asap
We took Kaden's plan and revamped it for this birth.
Nicole Rardin’s Birthing Plan
Remain home as long as safe and comfortable.
No IV unless necessary. It takes several attempts to be successful. Becky recommended that I let the nurse know after one attempt to call the techs due to the difficulty we have had these last months.
Hospital Room: low light, focal points (from home), ipod and aromatherapy.
No cell phone usage in room during labor.
Presence of the following during labor/delivery: Adam (husband) and Teri (mom) Lynda (Aunt), Teresa ( mother-in-law ) and Inez (grandma) to be present as well. This team was critical in the success of my natural birth.
If allowed, visitors may visit during labor until I determine otherwise.
Okay, done is my term to clear the room of visitors (excluding Adam).
Mobility is the utmost importance. I am planning for another natural birth. Pain relief: movement, touch and water. I would like a room with a tub and use the Jacuzzi for relief. Please keep me moving… Adam is a great support with words and touch!
I would like to avoid an epidural. DO NOT OFFER ANY PAIN RELIEF! IF I ASK, PLEASE ASK ME IF I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MOBILITY FOR THE DURATION OF LABOR. Adam and Mom are well aware of this from my last birth.
I decline the use of mirrors, touch or viewing of my delivery.
Adam will cut the cord.
Please clean baby prior to handing to me.
Adam will announce the birth to visitors.
All repair work, baby check and those present in the room have held baby before other visitors are allowed into room. We will then have 1-2 people in at a time to meet baby.
We have a special welcome for baby; IF a nurse is available to videotape this short family moment we will be appreciative. It includes all the family present after delivery...
If baby is a boy we request a circumcision. Our pediatrician does not visit Providence or perform this procedure in his office.
Adam would like to participate with the ink prints.
We will formula feed: Similac.
Visitor hours while recovering: 10am to 8pm to ensure rest.
Mom and baby to be released asap
COME ONE COME ALL
Per the Providence Website:
Visitation restrictions because of flu are now lifted. Providence has lifted the visitation restrictions implemented last fall because of H1N1. The regular visitation policy is now back in place, and there are no restrictions on age or number of visitors, except in our critical care units. Thank you for your understanding during the time of restricted visitation.
We could not be happier. We will deliver (again) at PPMC off of Glisan. We look forward to introducing ALL our visitors to our new arrival!
Get ready delivery team; you can (will!) all be there. And we look forward to seeing the rest of you when the time comes!
Visitation restrictions because of flu are now lifted. Providence has lifted the visitation restrictions implemented last fall because of H1N1. The regular visitation policy is now back in place, and there are no restrictions on age or number of visitors, except in our critical care units. Thank you for your understanding during the time of restricted visitation.
We could not be happier. We will deliver (again) at PPMC off of Glisan. We look forward to introducing ALL our visitors to our new arrival!
Get ready delivery team; you can (will!) all be there. And we look forward to seeing the rest of you when the time comes!
FAMILY PLANNING
Adam and I have made a decision. After “Sprite” is born we will not grow our family (biologically) any larger. Each pregnancy a blessing, but the stress put upon us due to my bodies intolerance is difficult for me and our families. We discuss the possibility of adoption in 2-3 years. As time moves forward we will revisit this idea. For now, we are concentrating on our choice for family planning.
There is one option: sterilization. Dun… dun….dun.
Sterilization for whom? Dun…dun…dun.
Adam and I both agree to wait until after the birth of the baby. It surprises me how many people ask if it is just in case something happens to one of our children we can have another. NO! This question actually offends me, which is no easy feat. Another baby would not replace nor fill any void if this tragedy stuck our family. We wish to see how the delivery plays out and should I need a cesarean section. This will determine for whom will be the responsible party.
I will deliver at Portland Providence. A month ago Mary CNM asked of our birth control choice after delivery. I explained that if I would need a C-section that I elect a tubal ligation. If we have a labor and delivery as planned Adam will have a vasectomy after the baby’s arrival. Mary explained that due to Providence being a Catholic hospital it would not be approved by the committee because I am not unfit, unhealthy or at any risk. My request would be declined.
The irony that Providence is a Catholic institution, however we were just discussing birth control a breath ago…
I shared the news with Adam that I was out. It didn’t matter what the outcome of the delivery. He was the elected party. Call and make an appointment- now!
I go into my last appointment with Patty CNM and she poses the same question as to our family planning method. I explain my past conversation with Mary. Patty questions me. She asks me if I would regret this later in life. Are we positive we do not want any more children, for pregnancy isn’t always the best time to make this decision! She continued, “If you and your husband divorce in five years and you meet someone would you want to share making a child with this person? This is a fair question, but my answer was firm, “No.” In five years I will be 36 ½ years old. If I met someone I would be on the cusp of 40. This is far too late for me to have a baby plus my children will be 8-9 years old. I think my baby days would be over! By my surprise she asked ‘the’ question: If something happened to this baby would you want to have another?
She continued, “If you sign a waiver and meet the 30 day waiting period you will probably be approved. The committee will agree that the risk to under go another surgery to complete the procedure puts you at an undo risk.”
I tell Adam that I am back in the game. We can wait on the outcome of the delivery. Delay making the call and appointment.
I signed this waiver at the beginning of January. I find that I think about this often. I don’t think about it because I am unsure if this decision is the right choice for our family, for I have no doubt. It leads me to think how our request and my signature are not enough to honor our wishes. In 2010 women must receive approval from a board of directors in order to make a permanent committed decision not to bare more children. And yet, women are able to have as many children regardless of how committed we are as mothers.
The irony continues…
We will find out Wednesday the final decision. Dun…dun…dun.
UPDATE: I have been approved by the commitee should I have a c-section.
There is one option: sterilization. Dun… dun….dun.
Sterilization for whom? Dun…dun…dun.
Adam and I both agree to wait until after the birth of the baby. It surprises me how many people ask if it is just in case something happens to one of our children we can have another. NO! This question actually offends me, which is no easy feat. Another baby would not replace nor fill any void if this tragedy stuck our family. We wish to see how the delivery plays out and should I need a cesarean section. This will determine for whom will be the responsible party.
I will deliver at Portland Providence. A month ago Mary CNM asked of our birth control choice after delivery. I explained that if I would need a C-section that I elect a tubal ligation. If we have a labor and delivery as planned Adam will have a vasectomy after the baby’s arrival. Mary explained that due to Providence being a Catholic hospital it would not be approved by the committee because I am not unfit, unhealthy or at any risk. My request would be declined.
The irony that Providence is a Catholic institution, however we were just discussing birth control a breath ago…
I shared the news with Adam that I was out. It didn’t matter what the outcome of the delivery. He was the elected party. Call and make an appointment- now!
I go into my last appointment with Patty CNM and she poses the same question as to our family planning method. I explain my past conversation with Mary. Patty questions me. She asks me if I would regret this later in life. Are we positive we do not want any more children, for pregnancy isn’t always the best time to make this decision! She continued, “If you and your husband divorce in five years and you meet someone would you want to share making a child with this person? This is a fair question, but my answer was firm, “No.” In five years I will be 36 ½ years old. If I met someone I would be on the cusp of 40. This is far too late for me to have a baby plus my children will be 8-9 years old. I think my baby days would be over! By my surprise she asked ‘the’ question: If something happened to this baby would you want to have another?
She continued, “If you sign a waiver and meet the 30 day waiting period you will probably be approved. The committee will agree that the risk to under go another surgery to complete the procedure puts you at an undo risk.”
I tell Adam that I am back in the game. We can wait on the outcome of the delivery. Delay making the call and appointment.
I signed this waiver at the beginning of January. I find that I think about this often. I don’t think about it because I am unsure if this decision is the right choice for our family, for I have no doubt. It leads me to think how our request and my signature are not enough to honor our wishes. In 2010 women must receive approval from a board of directors in order to make a permanent committed decision not to bare more children. And yet, women are able to have as many children regardless of how committed we are as mothers.
The irony continues…
We will find out Wednesday the final decision. Dun…dun…dun.
UPDATE: I have been approved by the commitee should I have a c-section.
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