Thursday, October 8, 2009, we had your 20 week ultrasound. It was a long week and this was exactly what Daddy and I needed. We needed to see you, our Littlest Rardin, in all your 20 week glory!
The hardest part of the ultrasound was actually not peeing my pants. I had been given so many liters of fluids throughout the week and still I had to drink 32oz of water in completion the hour before our appointment! I thought for sure my pores were going to leak or you would burst out of my naval. The tech gelled my tummy up and started probing. I had to ask. I just had to. “Do women ever pee their pants when you began putting pressure on their abdomen to locate the cervix and bladder?” To her knowledge and to my surprise the answer was no. I was almost the first! However, she did relieve me early. She could see via the ultrasound how full my bladder was and had no worries it would quickly fill up again. I didn’t let her down. She started again and within moments my bladder was totally bulging full again!
We see both your feet and arms. Your four chamber heart beats away. Your little head is tucked under into your body as far as you can get it. It seems that you like to have your head tucked under as you bend in half. This was your position much of the ultrasound. I held back tears; This was my best medicine. Daddy asks me why I am so quite, for if you haven’t already you will learn this is abnormal. I tell him I am just watching the screen. But between you and me, I was counting my blessings over and over. There you were appearing healthy and flourishing. I was reflecting on the last few hardships and seeing you gave me a sense of peace. Thank you for this gift, little one. Thank you for thriving and staying where you need to be, which for now is right under my heart.
You were a wiggler. We could see it on the screen, but I am still not feeling you at this time. How can you be 7 inches from head to rump and I don’t feel you? Seriously, this boggled me. The answer is simple. The placenta attached itself to the anterior of my uterus. Due to the fibrous makeup it takes a bit longer to feel you swim.
The nice lady asks us to close our eyes. It is time… it is time to see between your legs. There are three (okay, 4) of us in that room and one of us knows the gender! I don’t think at 20 weeks you have this identity, do you? We all make light that she is quite the secret keeper. She doesn’t slip once after knowing. She still calls you ‘baby’. She is good...
We sit in a room with many photos of you being printed off. We know in the mix is a gender picture. She leaves the room with the photos.
Daddy and I are still not certain if we will learn of your gender before your birth. I believe in the surprise. Parents use the ‘must plan’ as the reason they find out. I think this is a copout! Obviously, parents have done fine for years and years not knowing and still planned fine. Parents should be comfortable with the decision of learning during the ultrasound owning the reason of simply just wanting to know. Our reason to wait and the reason of wanting to know are both okay!
Daddy is a bit more anxious to learn your gender. I remember the moment he shared with the waiting family when Kaden was born. He announced we had a boy. I would love for Dad to have this moment again. It is totally up to him. And I will support the decision. I have my secret hopes to wait, but you will learn love is a balance of give and take.
She returns with your photos and a white sealed envelope. On the outside of this envelope is written: And It Is A…. Inside the envelope is your gender photo and a white slip of paper. On this paper I wrote boy (Curtis Ashton) girl (Aurora Grace) and asked the tech to circle the correct gender and name. In this envelope your photo sits with your chosen name. Hope you like it!
We have the envelope hanging on the front of our fridge. It has been there a week; I still have not had an urge to open it. If we do I can’t take it back. I fear I will later regret finding out vs waiting to hear your Daddy’s announcement and meeting you in my arms.
One day you may ask why we chose to keep the results in an envelope instead of asking the midwife if we decide to know? The answer is simple. To learn if we will welcome a son or daughter into our family is an event. It should be shared by our loving family. It is not something Daddy and I want to learn in a dark room with a goopy tummy not able to completely celebrate the joy. It is not something I want to learn at the clinic without Dad. I didn’t want to tell people our joy over the phone. Kaden’s gender was a surprise and unique (not finding out at the ultrasound) to our times. We want you to have your story.
If we decide to find out what oh what you are we will invite our family to dinner. We will be surrounded by full hearts and anticipation. Daddy and I will open the envelope and he will announce if you are a boy or a girl. We will all see for the first time your gender together. If we don’t wait for your birth you too will have your own unique story.
I want your (life) story to be majestic. Your introduction plays the first act of this story. This is your beginning and so far it is so darn good. I make this promise-throughout your life I will do my best to help with your life’s beauty helping to create it unique to you according to what you will want to fill your pages. I will be honest in that I am sure I will lose sight, but only for your best interest, I am sure!
Since the ultrasound, I have felt you move (see a previous blog). Sprite, we have 19 weeks left of you and me. I can hardly believe how quickly this mark arrived. I imagine what our life will be like. I don’t romanticize a family of four with two children under two. I know there will be challenges, but in thinking of a creating a home filled of giggles, messes and silly times the challenges will be well worth the efforts. Daddy and I chose this journey and we are so excited! We can’t wait to see what unravels for our growing family. Daddy and I look forward to meeting our little person.
I feel you. I love you.
Mom
The hardest part of the ultrasound was actually not peeing my pants. I had been given so many liters of fluids throughout the week and still I had to drink 32oz of water in completion the hour before our appointment! I thought for sure my pores were going to leak or you would burst out of my naval. The tech gelled my tummy up and started probing. I had to ask. I just had to. “Do women ever pee their pants when you began putting pressure on their abdomen to locate the cervix and bladder?” To her knowledge and to my surprise the answer was no. I was almost the first! However, she did relieve me early. She could see via the ultrasound how full my bladder was and had no worries it would quickly fill up again. I didn’t let her down. She started again and within moments my bladder was totally bulging full again!
We see both your feet and arms. Your four chamber heart beats away. Your little head is tucked under into your body as far as you can get it. It seems that you like to have your head tucked under as you bend in half. This was your position much of the ultrasound. I held back tears; This was my best medicine. Daddy asks me why I am so quite, for if you haven’t already you will learn this is abnormal. I tell him I am just watching the screen. But between you and me, I was counting my blessings over and over. There you were appearing healthy and flourishing. I was reflecting on the last few hardships and seeing you gave me a sense of peace. Thank you for this gift, little one. Thank you for thriving and staying where you need to be, which for now is right under my heart.
You were a wiggler. We could see it on the screen, but I am still not feeling you at this time. How can you be 7 inches from head to rump and I don’t feel you? Seriously, this boggled me. The answer is simple. The placenta attached itself to the anterior of my uterus. Due to the fibrous makeup it takes a bit longer to feel you swim.
The nice lady asks us to close our eyes. It is time… it is time to see between your legs. There are three (okay, 4) of us in that room and one of us knows the gender! I don’t think at 20 weeks you have this identity, do you? We all make light that she is quite the secret keeper. She doesn’t slip once after knowing. She still calls you ‘baby’. She is good...
We sit in a room with many photos of you being printed off. We know in the mix is a gender picture. She leaves the room with the photos.
Daddy and I are still not certain if we will learn of your gender before your birth. I believe in the surprise. Parents use the ‘must plan’ as the reason they find out. I think this is a copout! Obviously, parents have done fine for years and years not knowing and still planned fine. Parents should be comfortable with the decision of learning during the ultrasound owning the reason of simply just wanting to know. Our reason to wait and the reason of wanting to know are both okay!
Daddy is a bit more anxious to learn your gender. I remember the moment he shared with the waiting family when Kaden was born. He announced we had a boy. I would love for Dad to have this moment again. It is totally up to him. And I will support the decision. I have my secret hopes to wait, but you will learn love is a balance of give and take.
She returns with your photos and a white sealed envelope. On the outside of this envelope is written: And It Is A…. Inside the envelope is your gender photo and a white slip of paper. On this paper I wrote boy (Curtis Ashton) girl (Aurora Grace) and asked the tech to circle the correct gender and name. In this envelope your photo sits with your chosen name. Hope you like it!
We have the envelope hanging on the front of our fridge. It has been there a week; I still have not had an urge to open it. If we do I can’t take it back. I fear I will later regret finding out vs waiting to hear your Daddy’s announcement and meeting you in my arms.
One day you may ask why we chose to keep the results in an envelope instead of asking the midwife if we decide to know? The answer is simple. To learn if we will welcome a son or daughter into our family is an event. It should be shared by our loving family. It is not something Daddy and I want to learn in a dark room with a goopy tummy not able to completely celebrate the joy. It is not something I want to learn at the clinic without Dad. I didn’t want to tell people our joy over the phone. Kaden’s gender was a surprise and unique (not finding out at the ultrasound) to our times. We want you to have your story.
If we decide to find out what oh what you are we will invite our family to dinner. We will be surrounded by full hearts and anticipation. Daddy and I will open the envelope and he will announce if you are a boy or a girl. We will all see for the first time your gender together. If we don’t wait for your birth you too will have your own unique story.
I want your (life) story to be majestic. Your introduction plays the first act of this story. This is your beginning and so far it is so darn good. I make this promise-throughout your life I will do my best to help with your life’s beauty helping to create it unique to you according to what you will want to fill your pages. I will be honest in that I am sure I will lose sight, but only for your best interest, I am sure!
Since the ultrasound, I have felt you move (see a previous blog). Sprite, we have 19 weeks left of you and me. I can hardly believe how quickly this mark arrived. I imagine what our life will be like. I don’t romanticize a family of four with two children under two. I know there will be challenges, but in thinking of a creating a home filled of giggles, messes and silly times the challenges will be well worth the efforts. Daddy and I chose this journey and we are so excited! We can’t wait to see what unravels for our growing family. Daddy and I look forward to meeting our little person.
I feel you. I love you.
Mom
Tears oh the tears. this was as true Nicole fashion. A beautiful heartfelt Blog..Littlest Rardin is just as blessed as our Kaden to have such love of mommy and daddy.
ReplyDeletexxoxxo
Crystal Waters That is so beautiful Nicole!!!
ReplyDeleteJana Blackburn Bosshardt Nicole as I have said before.. You have a GIFT ....your words inspire good thoughts and goodness sweetheart. I love you