Family

Family, what is it? How is family defined? I often wonder when Adam and I became a ‘family’. Did this happen when we were engaged? Was it on the date of our wedding? Did it happen the day we found out we were pregnant or perhaps the day Kaden was born? When did we all the sudden become a ‘family’?

In thinking about family I immediately think of dysfunction! I really do. But, okay, I also think of my (our) fundamental group of people. I extend my family to a lineage of friends, not just the heredity of ancestry. It is said you don’t choose your family, but I disagree. I think I have hand picked my family. Granted, those I was born into I had no say (although, I have been blessed!), but those I grow with I surely do.

In choosing Adam as my life partner I was certainly choosing family. I was not only marrying Adam I was choosing to spend my life surrounded by both the Rardin’s and the Church’s. Adam and I would not live in an isolated bubble; it was important we had a natural fit. A natural fit for not only me, but him as well. There had to be a connection shared, which ran deeper then simply between us. I felt this almost immediately.

I have this same theory with our friends. Throughout our lives people come and people go with each individual serving a special purpose. Those friends who bury themselves into my heart are family. Mom has gifted me with great women who are defiantly central to my core. They have themselves time-and-time again to lend comfort, support, wisdom, love. I have a select group I will forever be bonded. Adam has a particular core group as well. We interchangeably use the word friend and family when talking about special people.

Collectively, all of these people make up our family. We have known them for years and many beyond a time our memory allows us to remember. They were there and continue to be here.

Again, I am brought back to my question: As defined by society, when did Adam and I become a (traditional) family?

I have epiphanies all of the time. I am a thinker. I think deeply bring meaning and thoughts to ideas others may have not entertained. This is heightened as I have become a mom and became pregnant this second time. I see a splendor that moves one thought into seven degrees of separation. Of course, this happened recently, which is why I am thinking of family.

Kaden’s First Annual Pumpkin Decorating Party was Saturday. He invited all his little people (who belong to our favorite big people) to enjoy play, pumpkins, cupcakes and more play. The candles flickered behind Halloween lanterns as Halloween music played in the background. Pumpkins lined the entrance for his guests. As each came they chose their pumpkin. The fun began as children giggled demanded stickers, paint, pens and other supplies for their individual pumpkin project. They enjoyed juice and cupcakes too.

Once our friends left with their pumpkins and party gifts there was a warmth in the house. I felt a little bit happier and more in love with Adam. Kaden was an absolute doll: I remember telling him how much I like him. I do. I like him so much, which came over time from loving him. The house was in disarray, but as I looked around it was a home and not just a house.

Was it the aspect of hosting our first annual event that lent me feeling a deeper sense of family? I don’t know. I do know I have discovered we are indeed a family. I think it is something that uncovers and develops over time. It is comparable to falling in love. It happens over the course of time and without notice. A day will come when it is realized it has been this way for quite sometime.

There will come a time when our children will ask, “What is family?” If Kaden asked me today I would answer, “Every family is different, but your family includes all the people you love. It is all the people you choose to share your life with.” As our children grow they will come to learn my favorite quote, which ironically goes nicely with my definition! Jane Howard said, “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Boy how we do; and for some it is found within and outside of our nuclear pod. This is what I want my children to understand.

Family is as simple and complex as this!