I am coming to the end of my pregnancy. It hasn’t been an easy eight months. To be frank it has been a challenge. Since week 25 I have been in and out of the hospital and at times labeled as ‘high risk’. I am always the first to say, “I can’t wait to have the pregnancy past us.” And yet, I sit here thinking this is it. This is the last time I will experience the remarkable blessing of growing, nurturing and bringing a baby into the world.
It surprises me to find these final days bittersweet. I thought for sure I would not look back as I left pregnancy behind me. What I am feeling is quite different. The memory is short. I have forgotten the many second trimester visits and admissions into PPMC; and as hard as the contractions and nerve pinch have been theses couple weeks I am discovering I am treasuring these last days. After all, I am sharing in the secret moves and wiggles of this new life.
As I have followed the course there have been many ‘ah hah’ moments. Lately, I am coming to realize all my inconveniences are actually nature’s way of indicating the baby is doing well. For example: I itch and itch. This itch means my skin is stretching because the baby is growing. Thank Heaven for the growth! I am ravenous, which means the baby is building mass. I am fatigued knowing this is the way my body prepares for the hard work of labor and delivery. The constantly growing (in intensity of both hurt and time) contractions are conditioning my body to follow nature’s path. All of these nuisances truly have a purpose. Who knew?! Growing a baby is like nothing else. It is a selfless act full of secrets. I am actually beginning to understand these realisms. I think this change in thought process developed from the realization that this is the last time I will share in this intimate experience. My season of life is shifting.
As I prepare to leave this chapter of life I am beginning to plan to enter into being a mother of not just one, but two children. Each day we are closer to meeting one another. At the end of each of these days I rub my stomach and feel Sprite as the rolling and fidgeting continues. During these quiet moments I look forward to holding this life and in the same thought saddened our time (my time) is limited as to how much longer the baby will be held under my heart.
The poignancy of these moments is not that I will never again hold a child under my heart, but I will experience another life becoming my heart. This in itself makes these last days, weeks and months worth every ache, pain and worry. All in all, in one word it has given me joy. A joy my life would not have known otherwise. I will continue to know my blessings as to what a remarkable gift this passage is.
Tears..the tears,You have a way of making this auntie cry like a baby ;) and in a good way of course.You have a way of making everything seem like a blessing. For being able to find purpose and ajoy in the pains and aches of the last days? well kudos to you my dear neice, as it is not an easy feat.But you do it and make me realize once again just how lucky I am for the blessing of you. While I am sad for your being a bit sad at this ending. I have to say I am giddy in thought that soon, VERY Soon, I too will get to partake in the holding of this life that you just nurtured and grew under your heart.
ReplyDeleteThis lil one that spent all its life thus far all cozy and warm inside your womb will soon be met w/ many Woot woots and tears, I love You's and some very important ramblings from big brother Kaden =) oooh I cannot wait Cole I think of your special day every day.
Wondering...when will it be Sprites Birthday? maybe, just maybe sprite will share it w/ Valentines day? then this baby that grew under your heart will then represent the ultimate heart.. in Happy Hearts day ;) hmmm, all Iknow is I heart you and I heart this day coming up soonest =)
love aunt J
Dustin Askew Sounds just like our pregnancy! Good luck Nicole
ReplyDeleteLynda Blackburn One door closes, as another opens. This is just the beginning of many doors opening to the wonderment of being parents of 2.
Jana Blackburn Bosshardt ah yes Auntie L...doors opening. doors shutting-- opening shutting-- opening ;P~~ (just pretending to be Kaden and sprite one year from now ) because once you have two runn ing around playing ???well the doors will be doing just as aunt...ie L said. ha ha..
So ... this adventure (new ) has almost begun..excitement in days ahead- never outdone. I can't wait to hear all the new stories i n the Rardin household after Baby R is here=) The blogs will take on a whole other life into itself.. It will be a blast to read on and be a part of the days of Mud pies & Butterflies;) xoxo