FEARS

I can’t believe that in two weeks time I will be sitting here on this exact couch enjoying or is it enduring my first day alone with both of our children. I look ahead and cannot stop the curiosity of what will come of our days and life. To be honest, I do have reservations and concerns concerning this new chapter. I am nervous, but eager!

We have been fortunate with Kaden. He is a love and an overall easy going guy. There have been obstacles and ‘phases’ that perhaps I may describe then as difficult periods, but in retrospect it would be better described as simple quickly past annoyances.

Fear 1: Sprite has a colic temperament. I fear the baby will have a case of colic, which will last the full four months.

We have been spoiled. Kaden has always been a sleeper. I remember asking Mom around week 4 if it was normal for an infant to sleep 18 hours a day. It seemed like all he did was sleep. This continues today. He goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes twelve hours later. He naps two times a day totaling 3-4 hours a day.

Fear 2: Sprite has our days and nights confused. In having our first child I was able to sleep when he slept. This time I will only be able to ‘catch’ up on sleep when Kaden is napping as long as baby naps at this same time. Sleep deprivation puts me on shaky ground!

At 17 months Kaden is our heart. He receives the shine and attention all day long. It is his world and we just live in it.

Fear 3: Kaden’s adjustment will not happen in the time frame I predict. My hope is that Kade’s age will be to our favor and in two weeks time he won’t remember life pre-baby. Is this realistic? I have no idea. If not, I occasionally fall into the age old Mom guilt of wondering if he will adjust and be the same boy then as he is today…

I not only love Kaden I like him so much! He is a comic and golden heart. We have our special rituals and shared time. He knows without question how much we love him.

Fear 4: Will he know he is loved just as much as he ever was? Will we continue to share in our special time? Is there enough of ME and Adam to go around?

Becoming a parent modifies relationships especially that between your significant other and yourself. We experienced this after Kaden was born. It was a long and at times challenging adjustment. We grew away from one another and through the first few months we reconnected- better and stronger.

Fear 5: What stresses will come to Adam and I that will challenge us? Will we both be patient? Will both of us put the other before ourselves in time, love, understanding and appreciation? I find trepidation in thinking about the challenges a second child, an infant, may bring in the coming months.

Kaden and I run on time. It is rare (very!) that we are not on schedule regardless of the days events, moods or time.

Fear 6: Will we become late arrivals? Is it sincerely much more difficult to be on time with two children?

I am at the liberty to go as I want when I choose. There are days that Kaden isn’t into the running around. If the errands take us to the market I can expect a melt down within 15 minutes. However, we get through it with kind strangers talking to him and his free cookie from the bakery.

Fear 7: We will become prisoners of our home! Women have multiples and go out and about. Women have children spread in age range. If I rationalize I know this is an irrational thought. We will adjust. We will go and do. I may just reprioritize what we do and when we go!

I can write on and on of my fears, which I have entertained. I do know I will love my children equally, but differently. I know I will have a unique connection to both. I will have a draw to each child for who they are in personality and/or interest in different ways. The fears really have no place, for it will all come together. In going back and reading my fears here in black and white I notice each as a short term apprehension not at all a long term alarm.