Talk to Me

A high school teacher of mine use to say, “Be careful of your thoughts for they may become words at any moment.” She had so many meanings behind her statement. And today it haunts me, for all I desire is Kaden’s thoughts to become spoken. I crave to hear his thoughts, wants and needs spoken in English. Kaden, I am asking you, no, I am pleading to you: start speaking the English language vs. babynese!

Daddy and I joke that you must be German. Your sounds are sharp and direct. Many words sound as though each is created from the back of your throat. Each sound is deliberate in it sounding as though your tongue is up against the roof of your mouth creating your language. And yes, there has been occassional spray! You understand everything we say to you. You are such a smarty pants. I will ask you to find your cup and you do. I let you know it is time to go and you find your shoes. I can ask if you would like a snack and you shake/nod your head. I need the blue blanket on the bottom of the pile and you bring me the blue blanket. You understand most of what we ‘talk’ about. There are few words you will speak, but know so many.

We pull into GG’s drive and from the backseat I hear a course sound roll off the back of your throat ‘Gee Gee’. There is no coaxing. Brooklyn is another word you pronounce. Your two girls are pretty special to you! It is obvious in how you say their name with such a smile. I don’t how to take the news that you refuse to say Mama, but point to our dogs and call each by their names: ‘Gertrude’ and ‘Gladys’. Sure their names are pronounced a little funny, but none the less you say each one. I will point out the obvious that their names are not easy to say! IF you can say these names I would assume Mama would float off of your tongue. You will repeatedly say ‘cookie’. My favorite words to hear you articulate (besides Mama) are “yes” ‘hi’ and ‘please’, which is due to your exaggeratedly sweet high pitched tone. “Thank you” is your newest phrase. It would seem I have the most polite 20 month old in all of the land! I also have the only 20 month old who doesn’t say Mama. Well, let me retract that statement. You will say ‘Mama’, but I have learned to stop asking. Your (choice) repeated silence lets me hear my own heartbreak.

I think ‘Mama’ is stored in the reserve word bank to only be pulled out for dramatics. You also save it in your manipulation account. I have determined it is instinctive that you not speak the word ‘Mama’ until you are either a) hurt or b) exploiting a situation. Because when you do the tides quickly change. I am on to you. You are on to me. It works every single time and I turn to butter.

You do speak phrases such as ‘All done’ and ‘Oh, there’.

You love language and expressions. You are overly animated. Robert calls you his Little Italian Friend due to your quick chatter and constant hand motions. Your favorite thing to do is walk around with one of your (many) cell phones. You will chatter, howl and scold whoever is on the line. You walk circles around the house chattering and laughing at your own conversations. Your hands and arms are in constant movement. It is as though you are in a constant state of playing charades. You love to talk, but refuse to use English vocabulary! Why is this?

Do not misunderstand, for you communicate well. You are able to tell me through ‘showing’ me what you want. You will take my hand leading me to the item or place pointing and saying ‘uh-uh-uh-uh-uh’. This vowel sound is similar to nails on a chalkboard! It grates on my nerves. I can’t wait to hear you speak aloud what it is you want. I feel so terrible when I do not understand your want or need. You will cry, kick, scream and at times hit. A tantrum unfolds from pure frustration, which we both gather ourselves quickly.

I am told that once you talk I will wish for the quieter days. I don’t think I will. I love your voice. I am excited to experience our days with real conversation. You have so much to share and I can’t wait to be included in your storytelling. To hear you say Mama 173 times in a day will be a delight. It is the ‘why’ stage I find I have trepidation. I can’t begin to imagine what questions and stories you will share with me and even the stranger in the checkout line. I am ready. However, like everything you do talking will come in your own time. I respect this. I really do. I’m just so darn proud of you. I can’t wait for you to tell the world just how special, handsome, smart and funny you are! Oh, and more importantly I will continue to wait to hear you in front of others openly call me Mom.