To My One Year Old

I recently received an email forward (from Robert) and its purpose is to give the value and perspective of time:

To realize the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.

I read it and began your birthday letter….

Ashton,

“To realize the value of one year ask a Mom on her baby’s first birthday.” I try to treasure life’s moments. I certainly have treasured this last year. You are my baby and every new milestone has been bittersweet. Of course I want you excelling, but I want you to stay little. Is that so bad? I want you to coo and crawl and continue to wanting me to make ‘it’ better. I know this is not life’s reality, but between you and me- right now we make our own reality. I have to admit that there are days I turn my cheek avoiding life’s realities.

Son, the reality is you are developing so fast. There are days I have a hard time leaving the room in fear of missing the next ‘big’ thing. You are so close to walking. You stand on your own two feet, which doesn’t scare only you- it terrifies me. I know once those little feet start to carry you our world will be a different place. It will become a place of newness, frustration, inquisitiveness and so much more.

Ashton, I knew you were a boy within weeks of learning I was pregnant. I could sense it. The truth is as a young girl and young lady I thought I would ‘die’ if I didn’t have a daughter. I was all-girl. I wanted an all-girl. I wanted purple everything, tutus and tiaras with pigtails and ruffled socks. Through our nine months I never once wished you a girl! Not one time- okay that is a lie.

Every time I saw a tu-tu I secretly hoped for a girl. Other than that never did I make such a wish. I don’t have a daughter; and I couldn’t be more pleased because my wish came true- I have you- a boy. You were born and I was relieved. A boy! I instantly thought to myself I have this one covered. I am a ‘pro’. How different is one boy from another? Uh, I was quickly introduced to little unique you and my Mom of two theory was out the door.

I knew boys. You and Kade are so close in age it seemed simpler. The transition of having two would come with more ease. I mean come on! I am a Mom of one boy, so it would be easy to have two, right? It would not have mattered if you were a boy or a girl… it has been a transition since day one. You keep me guessing.

The mix of my exhaustion, your personality and your brother’s influence has had me gasp for air more times than I have shared. I promise you have been in good care. A family of four has new and different challenges…

At 6 weeks you survived Kaden swinging your swing so hard you flew out landing under the swing across the balance bar.
You forgave me forgetting you in a car at Babies R US. I told your Dad (who was holding Kaden) to lock it up as I started walking towards the store. He reminded me you were in the car. I never thought I would recover.
You suffered through me crying and my tears falling all around you for your first six months of life.
You survived falling down stairs time and time again as you were determined to catch your brother.
You learned quickly to sink or swim as you have fallen into the bathtub as it is filling with water. I have also caught you as you refuse to sit down and fall out of the tub.
You lived through Kaden practically biting your leg off.
You didn’t become malnutrition from the constant gag reflex, nor from the incidents that I remembered the formula, but no bottles or the bottles and no formula.
Toys have been claimed as yours under white knuckle force. So true you have endured being drug across the floor as Kaden fights for his rights, too.
You managed through every single wiggle, screaming, rolling over and kicking diaper change.
You lasted through my frustration as you pulled yourself up by my leg, but pulled down my pj bottoms around my ankles.
You survive with little sleep (as do I it seems!).
You live through the trample of the dogs and closing your hand in drawers.
Your pinky nail returned from the drill being dropped on your hand.
You have healed from the amputation reattachment of your ring finger.

Bravo, son. You survived your first year. I am exhausted just from its recount!

I didn’t have any of these situations the first round of motherhood. It was easy-peasy. I didn’t have an explorer or a bossy boy. When you are ampted up and crawling with a purpose I say, “The moose is loose.” Whatever you are after you are headstrong and determined that it will be yours. I have been on a constant learning curve with you, Sprite. I am learning you are definitely your own person.

You know what you want. At the age of seven months you figured out what you want is what you will get. You cannot be redirected or deflected. You don’t like to be held, but love kisses all over your face. You love having wind on your face. You will have me blow on your face until I feel I will lose consciousness. You are temperamental and antsy. You like to be moving, but hate to be in your car seat. You are serious and aware. You love bouncing to music and can sit watching Baby Einstein for far too long. You are short and petite, but a ball of energy and chaos. You are filled with curiosity and exploration. I think all the survival of the past year is your way of warning me what is to come. You are ready to take on the world and give it a what for. You definitely have your Dad’s and my stubbornness.

I look at my toothless one year old and elude myself that no your gummy smile means my baby is still here. I know you are growing and becoming more independent. It has been remarkable to watch you grow. My heart is so full for you. This is what love is! When I had Kaden I knew my heart had room for him. Having more children it is natural to wonder will there be ‘room’? Oh baby, is there ever! I feel more love in my heart BEACAUSE of you. You give my heart such an impression. I think of you and I burst into smile. To realize the value of one year one must celebrate their baby’s first birthday. How true. In one year’s time we go from strangers to inseparables to genuine pals.

My wish for you is the wind will always come to meet your face. You will continue to fight for what you believe. You will survive the craziness this life offers. My wish for you is you will find friendship with your brother. You will continue to build upon your like for water, music or whatever it may be- find your passion. My wish for you is your teeth come before you are two. I wish you continued discovery. Ashton, I wish you a life of goodness and love. May kindness always find your lips and hands reach to help. May you remain balanced keeping one foot out of the ‘box’. May you have a great life full of beauty and plentiful moments, experiences and time spent with those you love and who love you always celebrating life’s treasures.

Most of all, remember at any age toddler, child, preteen, graduate or man you are my baby and always for forever and a day will be.

Happy birthday, Sprite Guy. Happy birthday.

I like you. I love you.

Mama