Closed

I am closed for business. I don’t know when I will reopen, but as of today I am closed. This bank has nothing left to cash for anyone. The plate I hold is full and ‘shtuff’ is starting to overflow all around. I have to learn to say when- well I am saying it today: WHEN.

I have my own marriage to nurture.
I have my own finances to balance.
I have my own children to tend.
I have my own self to improve.
I have my own past.
I have my own future.
I have my own schedule to keep.
I have my own worries.
I have my own plans.
I have my own relationships to keep.
I have my own fears to walk.
I have my own to figure out.

I am so tired of the saying, “So sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Yet there is no other way to explain what I am feeling. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. If one more person says they understand or shares a story ‘similar’ to mine (for one of the slew of stories) I have had lately I will scream. No- nothing is similar. Nothing! No one knows what fills someone until knowing all of the information and details. I am overwhelmed by many components that through the course of time are adding up; and now it’s taxing. And lately, it has been one expensive tax.

Boys, I am a sealed person. I don’t let many in and those that sit closest to my heart are sheltered from past experience as well as current events. It is how I operate. I am sure it is something I inherited from my own Mom. People will tell me to ask for help. And when the time comes I don’t even know where to begin to ask for help because I foolishly let ‘shtuff’ pile for far too long. It is up to me to clean my own house. I hoarded far too long.

The truth is I have been cleaning a long time! I have been surface dusting, but no real scrubbing. I am taking time out to do some deep cleaning. I have my list and am marking things off as I complete each task. I hope during this time I am able to immerse myself long enough to come out sparkling and new. I want and need to learn enough to be able to have something to cash for the two of you when you start asking the hard questions. I cannot answer these questions if I don’t start answering them for myself, now. It would be dishonest and lazy.

So, I am taking a time out. I am closed for business that isn’t an emergency or matters not within my four walls. It is time to reinvest, replenish the treasury, so to speak to contribute into my world. I will be back. I will be that much stronger and wiser. Look out for the grand reopening. It is coming soon…