Mommy Gear

Every once in a while a Mom gets a feeling. It cannot be described. It is a feeling of calmness, but anxiety all wrapped up into one emotion. It comes on quickly. When it does I am learning to trust it and find you two. It doesn't have to be quiet or a mad house. It is just a sixth mommy sense kicked into gear.

Kaden came out of the bedroom with your nose in the air. We didn't make real eye contact. I didn't speak to you, nor were you making noise. For some reason Mommy Gear kicked in.

I came out of the kitchen. He quickly went down into the living room. His quick avoiding toddler pace was hint number two.

I ask what is going on. He says nothing, but in a nasal tone. Hint three thta there is something strange going on. I ask if he is eating something. I am told no.

Again, his head is tipped back.

You point to it. The forth and final hint. "Kaden is there something in your nose?" As I ask him I have him in my arms almost upside down inspecting him. I don't see anything.

He tells me yes. I could not see anything, so I think to myself here we go back to good ole Providence to have something removed. I take him up with one arm and quickly move to the back of the house.

I find my tweezers and tissue and head back into the living room.

I lay him down on the couch. I prop his head with a pillow to examine the patient and to help with the disloging of whatever is in his nose. I look into his right nostril and I think I see it.

"Kaden, lay very still. This is going to tickle." I put the tweezers into his nose. I cannot get it. I am fearful of pushing it up into his brain. It may or may not be an old wives tale, but I am not testing the truth on my son.

I push my shoulders down and readjust my neck as if I am Rocky going in for my next fight.

"Okay, Kaden remember when you had a runny nose and you blew your nose? Mama needs you to blow really hard into this tissue."

I am holding a tissue to his nose and keeping the left nostril closed.

He blew and he blew. I asked him to give one more big blow...

And it would appear that he saved his own little life! I was in shock... I had to explain that we do not put anything in our nose. Bless his heart as he looks at me and says, "Mama not sad to KK? I sorry. KK won't do it again. OK? I won't."

Off he ran to play.

Lesson Of The Easter Bunny

As Easter nears we have been talking about the Easter Bunny. Yes, I know the meaning of Easter is not the 'bunny'. However, at the age of two it is all that matters. They sat on his lap at the mall and much like Kaden's liking for Santa the Easter Bunny is no different.

It is love.

Kaden brings up the Easter Bunny in conversation. He looks forward to him coming to "KK's house". I am explaining he won't see the bunny as he only comes after we are all sleeping. Kaden doesn't care. He is making a list! He has pointed out a few items at the store questiong if the Easter Bunny will bring as a present.

Where did he learn the Easter Bunny will be bring him gifts?

Yesterday was one of those spring days we long for here in the northwest. It was blue sky and dry. I decided to take the boys on a wagon ride. It was a first for Ashton. The boys thought it was fantastic with the slight wind and sunshine across their faces.

We were half way through our walk and Kaden huntches down in the wagon. He is looking down the road. He whispers, but I cannot hear him. I ask him to speak up. He is getting excited. I look ahead. I see nothing.

"Mama! KK see the Eader Bunny!"

"You do! Where?"

"Dere, Mama" as he points right next to me.

Again, I see nothing.

I continue pulling the boys and past the bunny.

Kaden looks behind his shoulder watching the bunny in the distace. I still do not see him.

"Kaden what did the Easter Bunny look like?"

Kaden stretches out his arms. "Ummmm.... he was at big."

"The Eader bunny is ack (black)." He says with a 'you should know' tone.

There we have it... I guess I am a nonbeliver as I could not see the Easter Bunny. He could only be seen by my son- who believes in all the magic the surrounding world offers.

Or maybe. Just maybe.

I have always assumed and looked for a white bunny; and today I was corrected. The Easter Bunny is black.

Walking

Well, Ashton our world is different. It is both larger and closer. It is at a hands grasp and one tiny step away… that is right. You are officially a walker.

I never really gave thought to everything this milestone meant. I knew it meant adventure. I knew it meant fun. I even knew it meant trouble.
What is the reality?

More play in our house. I sit and watch you and Kaden play with such glee. You chase one another. You hide from one another. You join in with one another. The interaction you two have is fantastic. You are friends finding so much fun in the other. There is almost a secret language the two of you speak through looks and movements. I relish in witnessing and including myself in your secret club.

We run. We wrestle. We dance. We twirl. We fall. We play hard all day. I have learned I am too old for such days!

Play means more laughter. There is a different tone in the house. The days are sillier. We laugh more.

We also hear the words: no, share and be kind a LOT more. You feed off of one another. Kaden tries to get away with that of a one year old. Ashton believes everything in the house is his and will fight with white knuckles for it.

Things have to be not only out of reach, but out of sight. If Ashton sees something he wants he will become determined to acquire it. He climbs. He gets onto the couch. He has been found standing on the bottom handle of the drawer pulls in the kitchen as he is grasping the top pulls for balance. I have repeatedly saved him from the Craftsman toy workbench. It seems to be his favorite place to get a birds-eye-view of the living room.

I joke saying Ashton is like a shark- needing to keep constant motion in order to breath. I am starting to think this is no tale. The boy has wiggled and kept movement since birth. His poor legs and feet tire, but his mind and body are still full steam ahead.

He gets so excited he trips and falls. It won’t be long until he is running. The kid is a ball of vigor and at times vinegar! I hear more and more he is a bit like me.

As the days are longer with the sunshine filtering in our days are fuller.
There are more toys sprawled throughout not the living room, but house. There are more cries and moans for help as they both get into pickles. There are more eggs on the head from falls to the wooden floors. There is more kindness and interest as I watch what developments come with walking.

What walking has really brought is a great noise. A noise of life and family I had never heard before his steps. Sure, Kade walking was monumental for Adam and I. We waited months with great anticipation for our first child to walk. However, with our second child there is fullness unmatched having Ashton walk. It brings a purer sound of (pure!) chaos.

It is the noise of hearing the steps of siblings; and with every step it is shaping a unique relationship. It is a noise that tattles without words. It is a noise of mutiny on Mom as I am officially outnumbered by cries, laughter, distraction and mischief-making. It is a noise going unheard signaling situational distress. The noises of what walking has graced our lives with have saturated our walls. I can still hear it long after bedtime. I can only imagine my heart will hear the noise of ‘walking’ long after.

il dolce far niente

In high school I first heard the beauty of these words: “il dolce far niente“. And throughout my life these words have come to me as a reminder to slow down. Life is so fast. It is in a constant state of motion. Anyone who knows me knows my life (and yours) is in a constant state of planning. I definitely need to practice the Italian nature of living and “il dolce far niente“.

I have a life makeover resolve for 2011. I will share this in more detail throughout the year. I have several goals to meet this resolution. I hope to meet each by the years end. The one goal of letting go and just be is the hardest for me. It forces me to look straight in the mirror- right at myself- and have to admit I am lost.

I plan because it allows me to keep my course.

It allows me control.

By control I do not mean over people, places and things. I mean control of time of how I will enjoy each day’s blessings. I have learned that in doing this it is control over those around me, however, unintentional and meant with the utmost love. In planning is how I fill my plate with all those I love and all I want to experience. I don’t want to miss a thing. I don’t want you to miss a thing, either. I want your childhood to be full. I want the life with my husband and marriage to be full.

What does full mean?

I do not know.

What is enough?

I do not know.

I know I must appreciate life, but also delight in “il dolce far niente“. It is during these moments life can be at its fullest… unplanned and in this more special. I think looking ahead and knowing what is to come allows my course to feel safe. I know what is to come. After all I did plan it.

Ahem, and I do plan some pretty darn good events and occasions.
So, today I am focusing more on “il dolce far niente“. I want to embrace its meaning. I deserve as does this family to live freely and with fluidity. This coming season let us sit back and enjoy ‘the sweetness of doing nothing’ and see what joy and adventure comes our way from the unknown.

I won’t lie. I am nervous, for this is outside of anything I am comfortable with. However, to be uncomfortable means I am being challenged. To be challenged is a sign of growth. This year I am rising up to meet myself. I am working towards becoming a better me and in turn a better partner, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Here is to “il dolce far niente“ the ‘sweetness of doing nothing’ enjoying one another and all that will grace us.

How Much Are You Loved?

Our latest bath conversation...

"Ashon uv me! Ashon uv kk!" I relply, "Yes sir. He sure does! Who else loves you?" "MOMMY!" I ask" is that all? He giggles: "Nooooo...Woburt (Robert) uvs kk. Ave (Dave), Dada And ummm Tata and GG. Bee too!" I say, "Yes they aaaaall do!" He continues, "Kunkle Ake (Uncle Jake) oves KK too Mama and erdie (Gertie) and tudetude (Gertrude)." Indeed you are loved my baby. You are loved.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

I know these lyrics are written for the death of the singers wife, but it really holds true for life. Life is hard and ugly. More importantly, life is also good and beautiful. Through the hardships we must remember all that is true and beautiful, for this is what gives us strength to meet the road.

When your road meets a fork or finds a curve it is all the good, which gifts you the courage to face what lies ahead. It will be your past happinesses that forge you through to find the beauty that awaits.

Life is a ride, which has its roads crossing through the good and the bad. However, life is a good ride. Always know this. It really is. I believe it is the beauty of our life that makes us stronger- not always the hardships.


Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

Teefs

I cannot believe Ashton is going on 14 months old and is toothless. I keep checking his gums. I will see the buds right under his red swollen irritated gums. The next time I check- buds are gone.

The poor boy just wants steak!

He has been overly tired and cranky. He is chewing on everything. I think this means we are on the teething road. I have thought this in the past, so I am not getting excited. I don't even say it outloud to anyone, but Adam.

I keep watch like a hawk. I feel up and down. I pull down his lip and investigate. I am a little tooth obsessed and probably quite annoying to Ashton as I pull, push, lift and touch his mouth.

I usually pull down his lip and look at the bottoms, rub the gumline and then feel the front top of his upper gum. Today I lift up his lip (which is a first) and there it is! Tada- his first tooth came through. I missed it!

He has an eye tooth half way broken through! A little pearly white has missed all my inspections. How can this be?

I look across to his other 'fang' and it too is making its way through the gum. It is now no holds bar. I am all up in his mouth looking and probing. He is not happy with this new procedure!

Who would have thought. I know Ashton is my tricky child, but even this is too much! Teething behind my back? Who would have thought. I am not taking it personally assuming he doesn't try keeping it from me again!