Contraception

Precursor: In starting this blog I vowed to be open and honest. No holds bar. It is life. We can all relate (to pieces), but not everyone shares their experiences in a public forum. If I don’t continue to write the entire story the purpose of this journaling blog would be in vain. Truth is humor… I love humor.

I am going back and forth. What do I do? Which one do I choose? It is an $800 decision… the Mirena is a five year choice with hormones while the copper ParaGard may remain for 10 years without hormones. I know I don’t have to worry about the time line. There won’t be procreation in 10 years or even 5 for that matter. It is the hormone release I am debating. ParaGard it is.

I tell Linda (midwife) I have chosen ParaGard. All of the sudden I feel like I am watching the ad on TV as she starts rambling off all the side effects… it is said at an auctioneers speed. “… It will enhance cramping and bleeding. It may tear the cervical wall. It isn’t 100% (But what is? Abstinence, my friends, abstinence is the only sure thing.). If you become pregnant there is a 20% chance it will end the pregnancy. Please sign on the line that you understand what I have told you…” I sign.

Here I am up in stirrups. One would think that after giving birth this would no longer bother a woman. Wrong. The modesty I stripped off on the delivery table was collected and returned. I don’t care who saw my vagi-gi a month and a half ago. I have reclaimed it as my very own… I no longer have to nor choose to share it with the masses. I just have to get through this last appointment. Relax as the examination of postpartum takes place. And relaxing is easier said than done.

Not only do I have my feet spread wide I have started the dreaded cycle. I have to do this exam at my very most vulnerable. I tried everything to get out of this appointment. However, it seems they don’t want your first born, nor your second. They just want your humility. I am told and I think it is worthy of saying that should a woman choose to have an IUD this is the very best time for insertion due to the softening of the Cervix. So, there ya have it. I am now a wife, mother and teacher of sexual contraception. Super.

So, here I am all ready for the exam. I want to die, but know it is unlikely. I have come to the awareness that foreign entities in my body make my stomach nauseous. This was part of the issue with my transfusion. It creeps me out. She explained that she would let me know what she was doing. I politely asked her not to. It would make me feel faint. It is hard enough to remain calm in the condition and position that I am in. I don’t care nor want to know any of the details. The deal was she would just go finish up the exam and procedure.

I have heard horror story after horror story of having an IUD inserted and the repercussions of the following days. It was a really hard decision to make. I don’t like inflicting pain on me. And after this last pregnancy and delivery I already feel like a lab rat. I didn’t particularly wish to continue with more probes and pokes. I hadn’t told Adam I was doing this. I just chose to do this on the fly. I keep thinking… it is going to hurt. If anyone is going to have the worse of the worse side effects it will be me.

I see an entire surgical tray next to her. “What the F is that for?” I ask. She laughs. “Are there needles involved? If there is I am so out of here.” I state with more certainty then I had all appointment. She guarantees that the tray is plan B, C and D. There are no needles. She assures me it will take no more than 5 minutes to get this baby in. Ironic that she chose to use the expression “baby in” considering her business is baby out.

“Okay, I am going to clean the Cervix.” Clean the what? Okay, forget that she agreed not to tell me what she is doing and move straight to what she is doing. I am humiliated. Who cleans their cervix? “Well, there is nothing like a clean Cervix.” I reply. She doesn’t respond to my humor or see that I am using it as a deflection. “It is important. You don’t want any bacteria to enter this area.” Good lord.

“You are going to feel cramping. It will be similar to a mild contraction. I have to hold down the Cervix.” She continues to map out her step-by-step IUD play book. “Yep. Hold ‘er down. I would hate for it to go anywhere…” Again, she is clinical in explaining why she must do this. What part of I don’t care is she not understanding?

And it is over. Phew. It was so simple. Quick. Fast.

At the end of the appointment she has me feel a piece of the IUD thread that wasn’t used. It is more like a fishing line. I learn I can officially ‘do it’ without worry tomorrow. Well, I know that isn’t happening. I now need to let Adam know I went forward with this decision. I hope he respects my choice. Will he understand this decision isn’t because I want to have a child, but rather I am not ready to give up the choice to have more children. There is a huge difference.

I playfully text Adam the news of my new addition and to my surprise he replied, “I am glad you did that. I was hoping you would.”

It would seem that today we are on the same page of our love story.