Under Water Adventures

I wonder at what point it will end. I am beginning to fear bath time. And it looks like in my job description bath time is one of my job duties. No escape. There was a time when it was so much fun… I would say, “It’s bath time for Kaden.” He would start in the direction of the stairs ready to swim and splash around. It was a time of giggles and relaxation, for us both. However, like most jobs the newness has worn off and I have grown bitter.

He used to get in the tub play with his toys and lay on his tummy as though he was doing butterfly laps. I would be three steps away doing my makeup and hair. I could see every move he made in the reflection of the mirror. I could he was sitting up and what toy he had, but what I didn’t know was what was happening under the water line. And this is what has changed bath time forever.

It is an ordeal. I have to get extra towels and Lysol. I keep these extra supplies near the tub. I have to keep them out of his octopus reach, but close enough for my immediate reach. I don’t dare step away even the three steps to the mirror. The dreaded may happen at any time. He may poop in the tub at any moment and I will miss it. What happens under the water line stays under the water line if I am not by the tubs ledge. God forbid I won’t know that his matter is floating around.

Yes, my son has taken up pooping in the bath tub. God help us.

Okay, it happens. I get it. I think he is a gold medal winner and has taken this to a whole other Rardin level.

The first unpleasant incident happened a few months ago. I laughed and shook it off. It was gross, but I was thankful for bleach. We moved on. It happened a few more times. It wasn’t so funny. I adjusted the morning routine: Boy must poo in diaper before a bath is given. Boy poo’s and is rewarded with bath. Now boy continues to poo in the tub regardless of his morning bowel movement. I am at a loss. Does boy never bathe again?

It is an Olympic event and quite frankly I am in no condition to keep up. In a quick movement I hit the drain to suck down the water while I swoop him up and out of the tub. I lay his now toxic body on a towel. Please, he is a pre-walker so lying down isn’t a viable option. I then have to straddle over the top of him. Yes, a 5 month pregnant woman is sitting on top of her fifteen month old son as she cleans and sterilizes the tub. To set the boy free would put toxic waste all over the bathroom! I think about this and move quicker.

The tub is scoured with Lysol and bleach. I now have to double, no, triple rinse it with water. My five month pregnant body is still straddled over this little boy. The humor is gone. I am no longer laughing. I move hastily as I try to keep the cleaner away from us in spillage and reach. He is no longer laughing. He begins to tantrum. I have to give Kaden another bath; I have to clean him of his own filth. I question if the bleach is safe, but I figure it has to be safer than having him contract a form of Hepatitis or Salmonellas. So, in he goes.

I admit as a new Mom I have a learning curve. There is a lot I didn’t plan or prepare for. How can we? It is a job that we roll with the punches every new day, for the new day brings new challenges. I never in my wildest dreams dreamt I would be dealing with a serial bath pooper. Never.

I just want to know: when will the under water adventures end?